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just didn't love enough

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unforgivable5 posted 3/30/2013 18:32 PM

My BS says she knows I love her, or I think I love her, but I didn't love her enough, or as much as she needed to be loved or I would never had made the decision to have the A. I can't accept that bc I know in my heart that its not true. I am still searching for why I did what I did, but I know it wasn't bc I didn't love her enough. Anyone faced similar situation?

hardlessons posted 3/30/2013 18:39 PM

She is going to question/doubt everything and she should. Right?

All you can do is show her different actions from this point forward, we waywards can't argue our past. Don't argue or plead your case to her as this is a waste of time and energy. You can say you understand and are working to ensure you change that. Good luck

Trying33 posted 3/31/2013 01:28 AM

This is a tricky one.

I haven't been in this situation myself but I can perhaps give you a woman's perspective.

She wants to be your everything. Your world, your light and your love. Knowing that all things considered, you will put HER and HER wellbeing even before your own and the A indicates you put your own wellbeing ahead of hers.

So, maybe she know's you loved her but at the end of the day you loved yourself more and tended to YOUR own needs more than hers.

This is how I as a woman would see it. It would be very hard for me to understand the "compartment" argument. With that said, my AP made it very clear he "loved" his wife. I know he did. I know he loved me too but nowhere near in the same way. I know my AP didnt start the A cos he didn't love her enough. It was all the claasic reasons of ego stroking etc.

He demonstrated his love for his w in ways he could manage (not talking about her to me)

In my case, I would probably say what your BS is saying applies. I probably didn't love my H enough. I loved him - but not enough to withstand his emotional unavailabilty and tolerate it.

Does loving someone enough mean tolerating their deficiencies and continuing despite this?

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