SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

WWMEH13 posted 4/1/2013 09:32 AM

Saturday night out of the blue, I was contacted by the W of my AP. She asked if I was aware of all the hurt I caused by my selfishness. I debated replying, but our MC said should she reach out to my BH again, which she has before, he should say to her not to contact him, so I replied that yes, I was aware, I am sorry, but I am also trying to move on with my life and please don't contact me again. What followed was a barrage of texts about how there is a special place in Hell for me, it was no wonder my husband left me, and that she will contact me as long as she wants.

I really want to move past this. I understand she is hurting, and it is easier to lash out at me, than at her H, but do I have to just sit and take it? If she reaches out again what do I do?

Can I block a number? Has this happened to any of you?

Aubrie posted 4/1/2013 10:16 AM

What does your husband think you should do?

Have you talked to him about how to handle this?

WWMEH13 posted 4/1/2013 10:25 AM

My H and I are separated (my choice) so I didn't tell him about it until I had already replied. We are having dinner tonight, so I am sure we'll discuss it more.

I texted him yesterday to see if she had reached out to him, because I wondered if I was a second resort, and he said she had about a week ago, and he had just deleted it. He recommended I not reply to her (before he knew I did) because she hates me. H told me that that she had said my AP told her some lies about me and our A, and she obviously believes them, which is fine, I expected to be thrown under the bus, and I expect her to hate me, but I am honoring my NC with them, and working on myself.

Is this just part of it? Should I expect vitriol to be spewed at me forever?

uncertainone posted 4/1/2013 10:41 AM

Are you talking about vitriol from your husband or the AP BS. If the former, you seperated because of some very valid issues you have with the marriage. Your choice to cope was horrific.

I'd start digging and working on thought processes and boundaries. You don't have to accept anything. You can discuss finances, kids, and draw the line there.

If its the latter, I imagine she'll feel that for quite some time, understandably, right? Doesn't mean you need to be a punching bag. Don't answer and delete unless it's threats or you feel like you might not be safe.

uncertainone posted 4/1/2013 10:44 AM

Wanted to add and can't edit. The AP was single but he kept trying to reach out. Especially once he learned I was divorced. I blocked his number and deleted his emails. He would create new accounts and call from different numbers.

Got to be a real pain, but no threats so just kept deleting and not answering. It stopped eventually.

Card posted 4/1/2013 10:48 AM

..... but do I have to just sit and take it?

Please do not add insult to injury when there are simple ways to avoid this contact.

The simplest way to stop this is to change your phone numbers. This was HIGHLY recommended to me and I recommend it to all waywards ending contact with the AP.

(and change all email addys too)

What doesn't work so well, is blocking numbers. They will just use someone else's phone to continue the calls/texts.

As far as BS contacting another BS? I'm not opposed to it. If it helps to insure that NC is being maintained, it's helpful. The Dr. we counseled with suggests it in all cases of infidelity, as long as the BS's are communicating for this reason only.

[This message edited by Card at 10:50 AM, April 1st (Monday)]

WWMEH13 posted 4/1/2013 10:51 AM

UO,
It is the vitriol from the AP's BS. I will delete going forward and not engage. I just wondered if there was a way to block it.

I definitely never expect her to forgive me, and understand she'll probably always hate me, but I don't want to be her punching bag. I am punching myself enough these days.

My coping choice was horrific, and I am dealing with the repercussions of it, and working to have better coping mechanisms in my arsenal.

WWMEH13 posted 4/2/2013 14:56 PM

I heard from her again, this time with a thinly veiled threat about a NSFW picture she has of me.

I am ignoring, but what if I had my BH reach out to my AP to let him know what his S is doing. I doubt he would condone this, especially since he asked me to go NC and she is the one not complying.

WishingForLethe posted 4/3/2013 13:43 PM

Ug. I am so sorry this is happening. However, I agree there is nothing positive that could come from contact between you and the other BS. You have apologized, there is nothing else you can give her. She does not have the right to stalk and abuse you.

UO- After reading your post I just realized if my AP ever gets a whiff we are divorcing, he will be popping up like one of those hideous Bozo the Clown punching bags. I need to go through and ensure there is no way he can cyberstalk me or find out any information.

WWMEH13 posted 4/3/2013 20:36 PM

Part of me feels like I deserve this, and should just accept it.

But if they are truly trying to move on with their lives, as I am, I feel it is destructive to both of our healing efforts.

I am taking the stance of ignoring it, and should it happen again, I'll send a certified letter requesting it stop.

I don't want to have to change my number, and frankly, even if I do, there are so many other ways to get a hold of me, and she knows them all, so what is the point.