Topic: My BS didn't deserve the disrespect
Member # 38062
| Posted: 1:45 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
Yesterday, one of my family members/friends (close enough friends that we consider them family) was over for Easter. He recently was on a long business trip away from home. During the trip, he took a picture with some younger attractive women. He was going through pictures of his trip and showed this one to both my wife and I and even commented on how "hot" the women were... all this with his wife sitting next to him.
I immediately felt offended by this. I could see the pain in her face. I never had the ability to see this before.
Last night I then started thinking back over the years how I have both condoned actions like this from my guy friends and even done this exact thing myself. I realized how fucking disrespectful this was to my BS. It's just so damn sad that I needed the smack in the face that losing everything I really love brings to you to realize this. What a horrible price to pay.
I pray that other WSs realize our BSs didn't deserve the disrespect we have gave them. They deserve to be honored and respected at all times. Let's show them that.
What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
Posts: 174 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38089
| Posted: 1:46 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
No stop sign so...
This is nice.
OW - (former co worker of WH)
Dday: Dec 2012
Posts: 608 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 30314
| Posted: 1:47 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
oh gosh so so true! I think of all the little details and lies and manipulations I justified but it all comes down to such blatant disrespect of my spouse, and of myself.
He did nothing to deserve this.....
Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 28108
| Posted: 2:06 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
Even if "they" did, "you" didn't. You can't build solid structures on a rotted foundation. Enabling disrespect toward another is eroding your very core.
"Respect for ourselves guides our morals. Respect for others guides our manners" Lawrence Sterne.
In either of those scenarios the recipient and their behavior or actions towards us is irrelevant.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 36456
| Posted: 2:12 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
Thanks for your post! I used to have this exact conversation with my husband but he didn't see it either. He was constantly making inappropriate comments to his friends related to size of women's breasts, sex in general, etc. "It's just a joke on Twitter/FB/whatever." "I'm not serious and they know it."
Now, he understands how hurtful those comments are and how they can be misleading - for all parties - even if they weren't meant to be serious come-ons.
Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 38348
| Posted: 2:20 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
Good point. I think of all the times I jokingly threw her under the proverbial bus about something, or even joked about "doing things with my girlfriend."
I feel so stupid for all of those things she never deserved, but I realize now that it was because I thought I was bulletproof and everything in my life would just work itself out without any effort on my behalf.
Me: WS 34
Her: BS 37 (HeartInADustpan)
M: 9 years
DDays: 2012/11/14-2013/02/05, 2013/03/09, 2016/02/19
Posts: 824 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 16024
| Posted: 2:56 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
I agree. The disrespect I showed towards my BH during my As was the worst kind.
He didn't deserve it, that's for sure.
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown
Posts: 54909 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 37637
| Posted: 9:42 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013|
Amen to that..... the last person on earth that deserved to be disrespected. I'm so sorry to have hurt him in the worst way possible
BH 50 (5454real)
Married 10 years
Currently in R and plan to stay there and succeed
DD 21, DS 19, SS 22, DS 8, DGS 2
Posts: 62 | Registered: Nov 2012
|Topic Posts: 8|