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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: one year
♂ 36506
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are approaching our one year antiversary. Just a few weeks away and I'm starting to get a feeling like I'm right back where we were. I lok at myself and think your such an asshole. I can't even imagaine, or I don't want, what my wife is going through. Are there any BS or WS that can give some advice on how you dealt with this period of time. Any help would be so welcome.

Posts: 317 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS point of view: It will be one year on Thursday. We will be on a trip with the kids, doing geeky/cool Deep Space stuff. He doesn't need to give me a card but I would appreciate it if he acknowledged it. I don't think he will though, he is sickened by his AP and is actively trying to forget the affair. Empathy for the way I'll be feeling and him bringing it up first would mean a lot.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 36684
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We made a plan.
Our Dday was black Friday. We visited out of town family for the holiday. On Black Friday we left the kids with the fam and went to an all day marathon of our 12 step fellowship meetings.
It was such a great trip that we're going to make it a new tradition!

So what went into our plan was doing something different.
Making sure there was someone to watch the kids in case we had a really bad day.
A lot of awareness and communication.

FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children

"Your secrets keep you sick"

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
♂ 37081
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, April 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the anniversary of the worst day of her life. She's going to reinact it over and over on that day. Only you can control how you react to this. Be there for her. Answer her her questions Do what she asks of you. Remember this isn't a happy anniversary and I'm sure things haven't been all roses the last year.

Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, April 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here. The world will be full of triggers. The world will be a very dark place.

Politeness and kindness goes a long way during a painful time. Ignoring might be a trigger, even if you don't know what to say, for sometimes ignoring something during grief pushes buttons.

Losing a husband or wife to infidelity is akin to death of a primary player (person) in your life. A parent or sibing. There is a massive hole in your wife's life now, a ghost rambling around who haunts her. There's no reason to wake up in the morning but it keeps coming anyway.

Depression is there and wounds in the heart are like an open scab.

God, there is so much more, so much pain, the pain is so raw and deep. Seeing things with couples is like the world is mocking me.

I could go on and on but will end by saying it is a miserable existence, like hell on earth, where you ramble the earth instead of walking with your head held high. There is embarrassment, shame, disgusts, why? and so much more.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS (husband) here. Ours is only a few weeks away. All of May, June & July are going to be hard to deal with. I just wish I could go away for those 3 months somewhere far away where we won't have to talk about anything. It's hard enough looking at the month of May in the calendar.

All I can say is I understand what she feels. Yes, you're back to square one in a way, but I have a feeling getting over anniversary number 1 will help in healing. You'll be 1 yr out and now it's time to reclaim all that time. Wishing you the best.

BS - Me 47 WS - Her 45 (Childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
Status: divorced.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
♂ 36506
Member # 36506
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everybody. I know its going to be a painfull weekend when it comes. And sadly we had to plan a birthday party the day after. April is just such a busy month for us. Party may help her mind relax a bit for awhile. But she will be in so much pain. Now that every thing is out and she knows the truth. How will she handle that day. I wish we could go away that weekend. But I know we will be going away for her birthday a few weeks later. Just so afraid for what she will go through that weekend. I'm sorry for all of you have and had to go through this.

Posts: 317 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 36345
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our one year antiversary is on April 19th.

I am still wondering how things are going to be on that day. I wonder how my husband is going to take it.

The only thing I can do is just take it one day at a time. I was thinking of planning something but being pregnant, that is only a couple days to my due date. I think we are going to be preoccupied with that. Although, I think things are going to be tough.

I am just going to do the best I can to make it a good day and hopefully he won't be too bad. Even if he is, I know why and I will understand like I have been with him.

BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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