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how to get out of emailing only?

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Why?? posted 4/2/2013 15:42 PM

So my new co-worker put me in touch with a friend and all we've done is email back and forth. I'm not looking for a pen pal so I don't know what to do? I need to meet face to face to see if there's chemistry.

GabyBaby posted 4/2/2013 15:56 PM

"While its been very nice getting to know you via email, I think its time to meet in person. What day works for you?"

Amazonia posted 4/2/2013 17:13 PM

Yep, just put it out there - with OLD I often say something like, "It's great getting to know you; I'd love to meet sometime. Would you be open to getting a drink during happy hour next week?"

torn2bits posted 4/2/2013 19:14 PM

Absolutely, just get it out there. Ask for whatever venue you would like.

You are correct, in person meetings are so important, how else will you get to the kissing stage!

InnerLight posted 4/2/2013 23:22 PM

Let him know what would please you so he doesn't have to wonder...

"It's been fun receiving your emails. I'd enjoy trying that new cafe on Main Street and meeting in person."

This makes It really easy for him to ask you out.

Let him do some work around date planning so you don't set the stage to be The Social Director. He still has to ask you.

Why?? posted 4/3/2013 10:24 AM

Thanks for all the ideas. IDK if this guy wants to date right now. I replied to an email last night asking what he likes to do for fun when not working and he was like I'm really busy with work and daughter but I like to do x,y,z. Kinda put me off - haven't responded but since he's a friend of coworker feel like I should. If this was old i'd probably be done by now without at least a drink set up

GabyBaby posted 4/3/2013 10:49 AM

I would have interpreted his email the same way.
Its as if he's giving you an upfront warning that he wont have a lot of time for you.

Again, it might be best to just ask outright what happens from here. You dont want a penpal and if he isnt in a place to date face to face, this is really just a waste of your time.

Amazonia posted 4/3/2013 12:38 PM

I'd probably respond to that one with a "Wow, sounds like you're really busy! If you have the time and would like to grab a drink though, please let me know."

Why?? posted 4/3/2013 17:57 PM

I haven't responded yet. I don't want to force someone to ask me out
IDK what to do? Co-worker says she thinks he's been burned as he's so nice. She is the one that initiated the whole thing so it's not like he was looking to date.

phmh posted 4/3/2013 18:29 PM

I'd probably go with something like Ama's last response, but then not say anything else if he doesn't ask you out and just move on.

(That is assuming that your only real indication of interest in meeting was asking him what he likes to do in his free time and not something more obvious already.)

I.will.survive posted 4/4/2013 07:30 AM

I agree it does sound like a warning, but why is he still taking the time to write? Is he being polite for the same reason you are maybe?

Ask him out like the suggestions above, but give him 2 choices of dates/places. If he chooses neither and doesn't pick a 3rd option, I would say this is going to go nowhere and you're done.

Good luck!

Amazonia posted 4/4/2013 08:32 AM

but then not say anything else if he doesn't ask you out and just move on

Yeah, sorry, I meant this part too but didn't say it.

Amazonia posted 4/4/2013 08:33 AM

ps - Why??, having met you several times, it absolutely astounds me that you're still single. You are an incredible, beautiful woman, and I can't believe the guys in your city don't seem to see that!

Why?? posted 4/4/2013 14:16 PM

So I've not heard anything back but I didn't mention gtg. I just think his statement said it all about busy with work and daughter.

Thanks, Ama. Guess I haven't met a keeper. No one since D I've been head over heels ya know? Not giving up like Sandra Bullock in The Lakehouse...where's my Keanu ;-)

[This message edited by Why?? at 5:23 PM, April 4th (Thursday)]

Why?? posted 4/4/2013 17:30 PM

Just wanted to post our last 2 messages to make sure you guys agree with me:
my last response:
Penpal,
Hope your day went well. Sounds like you keep very busy. I enjoy seeing live music, hiking, walking, visiting quaint little towns, and yoga. I actually joined a Bocce ball league recently so I'm looking forward to that in a couple of weeks.
Have a nice evening,
Why??

His last message:
Well finding free time is very tough. Between work and my daughter I am pretty busy. But love the outdoors, quiet evenings at home, bowling, concerts, festivals, good bands You??

After reading this I think I dodged a bullet. He is upfront saying I wouldn't be a priority - aha moment!

[This message edited by Why?? at 6:22 PM, April 4th (Thursday)]

Why?? posted 4/9/2013 17:57 PM

Geez, dont't know why he is bothering to email me. Sends a message saying he's been so busy and more pen pal bs
Thinking of not responding. Who has time for this???? Just don't want him to tell coworker I didn't respond to him.

InnerLight posted 4/9/2013 18:01 PM

"I am so busy fun activities after work that I am limited in my email time. I wish you all the best. - Why??"

If you do want to leave a response, what about this one?

Amazonia posted 4/9/2013 18:17 PM

I HATE poofing unless the guy gives a really explicit reason.

I'd probably say, "Wow, I'm impressed you find time to email with how busy you are! I'm not really looking for a pen pal, but you seem like a great guy. If you'd ever like to get a drink, please feel free to give me a call." and then go quiet unless he asks you out.

EvenKeel posted 4/10/2013 13:35 PM

I was wondering what ever happened with this - thanks for the update.

IDK if you really dodged a bullet per se. Meaning him saying he is busy with his DD and work are good things. His DD should come first and work....welp - money is important.

I am with Ama....I would flat-out put it on the table (ie you are interested in him....but not this emailing forever stuff).

I had OLD penpal for a LONG time....I could tell you all about him, his family and beyond but never met the guy. I finally cut him loose too.

Why?? posted 4/10/2013 18:41 PM

Thanks for listening to me about this Anyway, not really feeling it anymore. It was one thing when my new co-worker first brought this up and I thought why not, one drink...but now this pen pal bs is annoying. Plus to add more info. I last e-mailed him 4/3 and he just responded 4/9 with this message:
Hi Why??!
How is your week going so far? I have ben very busy at work which is a great thing! Anything fun planned for the weekend? Talk to you soon

I think I'm done...I already mentioned to new co-worker I didn't think he was looking date. I just don't want him to pin this on me saying I never responded or something

[This message edited by Why?? at 6:43 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

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