Weird. Just woke up so excuse my tired grammar.
(all in the dream) I was at this big party with some girl friends, very laid back kind of gathering, and we were sitting on the floor between the entrance and stage chatting, waiting for the band to go on. Kindof a coffee shop vibe. Xh and ow walk in. She's always been a total ice queen and in the dream is no different. She stalks in glaring straight ahead. Xh follows like a meek puppy. Then he sees me. His face lights up and we make eye contact and he waves. I start to wave, fake out and flip him off and yell "fuck you, worthless cheater" and you can literally see pain and confusion roll across his face. He runs off looking stormy and follows ow around a corner so we can no longer see them.
But then they start yelling, mostly him yelling at her, I forget all what, but about how everything is her fault and what she has done wrong. The room (like 50 people) goes silent. Everyone is listening to their fight. Finally ow storms off past us, out the door. Xh comes running after her, and stands in the doorway yelling her name, "come back", but she goes.
Xh then proceeds to come back inside and lay down on the floor on his stomach facing me. He doesn't look at me, just lays there looking lost and sad and broken. The whole place is still stone silent and everyone is looking around like "what are we supposed to do?" And finally I look at xh and say "seriously? You're going to let her just walk away? Without a fight? What's wrong with you? She was worth leaving me for, you've been together more than two years, you must love her, and she walks out and all you can do is lay there? What's wrong with you? Go after her! Go fix it!" And everyone is cheering and he gets up looking all excited and starts for the door, and turns around to smile at me, and then I say, "one more thing" and he looks all excited, and I say "dont ever show up at another party where I am again. Ever." in an angry voice full of venom. And his face fell again a little but he goes out the door.
And then everybody in the room started clapping and cheering for me, and then I woke up.
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For those unfamiliar with my story, XH moved out because we got in a fight when I, a seriously cpdependent qisa, put my foot down on a boundary about always being last priority in his life. He told our friends that I was mean to him. I found out about the A (and that he was staying with ow, not his middle aged male coworker as he'd said) three days later.
The conversation where he confessed the A was the last real conversation we had. He went silent after that, blocking me on gchat, rejecting my phone calls, ignoring texts and emails. We got together with a neutral third party at our (now my) church to hash out a separation of our property and the details of him moving out. We were there almost an hour and didn't make eye contact once. His stuff was moved out for him by my friends. He didn't come to court.
I haven't seen or interacted with him, really, in two years. He just walked out and gave up on us,despite my repeated requests that he do otherwise. So its kind of funny to me that he was the same way with her in the dream, too lazy to do the work.
I've been experiencing a heightened awareness f my cpdependent tendencies recently, and struggling with the effects of those, situations I place myself in, despite knowing I'm going to get hurt, and then getting hurt anyway. Essentially self inflicting that pain. I think its finally time to dig deep on this one. I'm tired of finding reasons to cry myself to sleep, and the wonky dreams that follow.