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BH's panic attack

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pizzalover posted 4/4/2013 07:12 AM

My BH had a panic attack this morning. He was flailing his arms and legs, repeating "No" over and over, very short breaths, and gagging. I didn't know what to do, so I just held onto him and told him to breathe.

I am so disgusted and ashamed at what I have done. I should have been there for only him, but I brought a stranger into our life without asking him. I feel so nauseous.

I am not sure what to do to help him through this. He keeps asking the whys and hows. I have some ideas that I'm still exploring. I want to make him feel better. He's in incredible pain, and I caused it, the person who was supposed to be faithful to him.

hardlessons posted 4/4/2013 10:29 AM

Just like he can't fix you, you can't fix him. All you can do is be supportive. Sounds like he should be seeing a professional if those are his symptoms.

Keep living in the disgust and shame and you will get no where.

uncertainone posted 4/4/2013 10:31 AM

(((Pizzalover))). HL is right. Sounds like he needs to be in IC.

Hang in there and keep working toward safe.

Card posted 4/4/2013 12:51 PM

PL,

I believe there is much that can be done to help the BS.

I would start with gaining some knowledge about the subject from some of the professionals in the field of marital recovery from adultery.

My personal favorite can be found in the healing library. It's called, "Surviving An Affair", by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.

He outlines all the steps that can be taken in order for the marriage to survive and thrive. He has authored many other helpful books as well.

pizzalover posted 4/4/2013 15:19 PM

Just like he can't fix you, you can't fix him. All you can do is be supportive. Sounds like he should be seeing a professional if those are his symptoms.
Keep living in the disgust and shame and you will get no where.

He was given a prescription for an AD and is going to make an appointment for IC. He did that for 4 years due to his low self esteem, however he didn't feel that it worked for him (probably due to his therapist). I am trying to be supportive. Shame and disgust have been a huge part of my for a long time. They have ruled my life. My bad sexual experiences in childhood really messed me up. This is extremely humiliating and embarrasing, but due to my shame and bad past, I have been unable to ever orgasm, even when masturbating. (It's amazing what I'll post when no one knows who I am ) I've had shame about sex because I felt used by so many men due to my "giving away of myself" too soon. I was looking for someone to love me. And I had him, in my BH - but I still felt shame then with him. And my AP wasn't able to give me an orgasm either. This is probably TMI, but it may help in me understanding my motivations for my affair.

I would start with gaining some knowledge about the subject from some of the professionals in the field of marital recovery from adultery.

I've been reading a lot. I have read the book After the Affair and almost done with When Good People Have Affairs. I also got Not Just Friends because I saw so many people post about that book here.

FR2012 posted 4/4/2013 20:48 PM

Panic attacks are something that are really difficult to deal with. Especially when they are not you having them but someone you really care about and love.

When my husband has had panic attacks in the past, I have noticed that what helps the most is just to hold him.

Just be there for him and hold him when he needs it.

You are going to feel disgusted and ashamed with your actions. It is a normal feeling to have after doing something so drastic.

I agree with hardlessons though. You can't fix him, all you can do it just be supportive.

hurtmywife27 posted 4/4/2013 20:54 PM

Mine was the opposite, I am the WS and she is the BS. I had the panic attack and passed out the night after D-day.. I will never forgive myself for what I did to my wife. But I destroyed her world and she still stayed by my side when I went to the hospital. The Pain and the stress I put in her life. Its going to be a rough road, remember you caused his pain no matter what when we made the choice to go wayward. You will have to be patient and help your other half through. God Bless.

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