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There is a very good chance that you have moved on too quickly here and that may have contributed to your missing some red flags.
In any case, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into counseling to deal with this new trauma.
One after effect of this trauma is that often times our "picker" gets broken. And we continue to be attracted to broken people. We need to make sure to spend enough time healing ourselves so that we can "fix the picker" and seek out healthy relationships.
Of course, that's no guarantee either since I'm right back here too.
((HUGS)) to you. This sucks.
So sorry you are going through this, FTG. Hefty bag his shit and put it on the porch.
Healing mojo and more hugs heading your way.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
I hope you're feeling better soon. This has NOTHING to do with you. People who do things like he has done have a serious character defect and possibly a serious personality disorder.
Don't have any contact with him. I'd recommend looking at the website www.lovefraud.com. He's a fraud, sweetie.
Big hugs.
It happened to me too. I dated a guy for a few months and failed to see the obvious red flags until his live-in girlfriend of 2 years confronted me telling me who she is and that he was scum. I was so blindsided! Me, the BW an OW?
It was just like the other posted stated... My picker was broken! It took 3 years of living alone, dating a little and regaining my life until I finally knew what I want; and saw clearly what I didn't want.
That awful annoying word... TIME.
Take a break. Take care of you for a while! There are many broken people in this world. Until you pick up your own pieces you will only attract other broken people.
Face it, you don't need to see him again, so you really don't want him coming to pick up his stuff. Just throw it out, send him an e-mail that he doesn't need to come get anything, because there is nothing left for him at your place, and that he is not to contact you again.
Then lose all his contact info, and work on healing yourself.
Put all his shit in his car, and lock the keys in it. Send him one last message saying you've done that and don't want to hear from him again.
This sucks.
Married Aug/95 DDay Nov/12 Separated Mar/13 Finally divorced Jul/17
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
And now that you know you can have a re-set button, decide what you need to do for YOU. you can go on with YOUR life even with this new knowledge. Take time to heal. Take time to nurture yourself. Rest, drink plenty of fluids, exercise and breathe. Talk to an IC or to friends. No matter how much it hurts, knowing is better than not knowing.
He can rot in hell...go NC
That's perfect.... assuming she has a cat pee on everything first!
I also think you probably need more counselling. It's been less than a year since your d-day! I wish you all the best in your healing.
As much as it hurts, be grateful that you found out earlier rather than later. As for you not seeing the "red flags", well you did see them didn't you? Your instincts sent you looking for something and you were right. So don't bash yourself up for being taken in once again. Your instincts are alive and well, just a bit slow to ignite because you are still so hurt and vulnerable.
Once you are stronger your ability to keep attracting idiots like this will fade and a new energy will bring you what you need. This takes time so slow down. I am two and a half years out from D-Day and only just thinking about the possibility of dating again. The right man will come your way when you are ready.
I would get his car keys and move his car outside the nearest whorehouse. That's where he can pick it up when he returns.
Ellejay xxx
Or, since you have the keys, just park it somewhere else with all his shit in it.
I would let the wife know about him if you can find out how to contact her.
It is what it is.
Don't beat yourself up over this, but do get some IC to help you understand why your picker is broken before you get involved with anyone else.
Call his BS and out his ass. She has a right to know and it will help her not to blame you or herself. Throw his stuff in his car, then have it towed away from your apartment. Then go NC with his lying cheating ass. How they think they can actually get by with this forever is beyond me. (((HUGS)))
I want to let his BS know, but she is in Albania and doesn't speak English. i believe I have her phone number from the papers I found but I don't speak Albanian so that won't help. However I am thinking about reporting him to the immigrations department. Marriage fraud is a big deal, he is pretending to be single yet has a wife and kid he wants to bring over. At the very least I am sure he will get questioned hard if I do that.
How do you know she doesn't speak English?
Good question. I never really thought about it but I assume she doesn't speak english. I'm not sure that telling her would help matters. From the sounds of it this is very common for the men in that country, and since he is supporting her and trying to bring her to Canada I really doubt that it would make any difference. I am better to just walk away from this. I am realizing more and more just how many lies he told me over the past eight months.
There was one night he randomly took off to the nearest city "for a drive" (3 hours each way) and met me the next morning for coffee. I found two concert stubs in his car for that night. And there were many many other women who would text him that he said were just friends that i was always suspicious of.
He is a dirtbag through and through. I don't think there is anything that can be done to stop him. I just hope he didn't give me any STD's. I was tested back in January and had BV but the other tests came back clean but I didn't have the full panel. Looks like I am back to my doctor.
I'm not sure that telling her would help matters. From the sounds of it this is very common for the men in that country, and since he is supporting her and trying to bring her to Canada I really doubt that it would make any difference.
IMO whether or not it makes a difference is her decision to make, not yours.
IMO whether or not it makes a difference is her decision to make, not yours
Fair enough. My only way I think I can get ahold of her is to either mail her a letter or call the phone number on his courier envelope I found. I still might just do both.
