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Topic: wow - its finally time. finalizing my D. heard from X tonight.
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hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258 |  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013 |     |
This is really more D related but I feel like posting here in NB - my safe zone I guess.
Many of you know that my X and I have been in a long term holding pattern for our D. We have some deadlines fast approaching. Its time
X texted me tonight asking if we could talk tomorrow. Those texts used to leave a pit in my stomach b/c it was always drama. This time I just asked him to summarize tonight and I let it go. He mentioned that we needed to finalize things. It kind of through me for a loop. I hadn't thought about it much recently. Its unlike him to take the initiative. I guess he's finally moving on as well.
I'm not really upset but feeling a bit melancholy about the whole thing. Somehow, even after 5 years, I can't believe we couldn't pull it together. Its just plain sad. I've always felt the biggest issue for us was always communication. That has frustrated me all along. At this point, I have no desire to have him back but I feel sad that an entire M failed b/c we couldn't agree what shade of blue that the sky is.
I don't ... just feeling a little out of balance tonight
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Posts: 8679 | Registered: Apr 2008 |
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349 | | Posted: 10:49 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))
Pain doesn't show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something needs to change.
Posts: 19313 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California |
disillusioned12
♀ 37542
Member # 37542 | | Posted: 10:51 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))
BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs
D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012 |
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150 | | Posted: 11:15 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013 | |
Five years for me too and I'm divorced, but the melancholy still comes sometimes.
I can't imagine not having things wrapped up yet.
(((hexed)))
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Posts: 17971 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada |
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468 | | Posted: 11:58 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))
I look forward to your final closure of an important chapter. Thinking of you lady.
Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Posts: 4780 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas |
Survivor3512
♀ 37946
Member # 37946 | | Posted: 7:05 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((Hexed))) I'm sorry your feeling sad. Hopefully it will pass and you'll feel better soon.
Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie
Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S. |
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226 | | Posted: 7:08 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
((((Hexed))))
You can call me NIK
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman
Posts: 27146 | Registered: Aug 2011 |
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870 | | Posted: 7:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
((hexed))
You'll feel better when it's resolved.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 7930 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA |
Weatherly
♀ 18222
Member # 18222 | | Posted: 7:22 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((((((((Hexed))))))))))
Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
Posts: 4518 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana |
CluelessGuy
♂ 28491
Member # 28491 | | Posted: 7:28 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))
BH - early 40s
XWW - early 40s
Two kids
D-Day - Easter 2010
D-Day 2 - July 18, 2010
Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012
Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2010 |
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528 | | Posted: 7:34 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))
Posts: 37562 | Registered: Mar 2011 |
MyVoice
♀ 35695
Member # 35695 | | Posted: 7:51 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((hexed))) xxx
Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown
Posts: 483 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia |
veelop5
♀ 11089
Member # 11089 | | Posted: 8:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((hexed)))...I can't wait to read about your D and about a new beginning....I am sorry you are having a hard time right now..You have been there for me many times so if I can be of any help please message me!...
ME-40
XH-DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE
3 beautiful boys (21,20 & 17)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
10/27/2014-Met a wonderful man 9months ago
Divorce final 3/27/2013
Posts: 1098 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania |
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460 | | Posted: 8:47 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
Take this as your true, new beginning.
(((hexed)))
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
Posts: 21160 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back |
SoHappyNow
♀ 8923
Member # 8923 | | Posted: 9:33 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
(((((hexed)))))
Breathe, do something really kind for yourself: think chocolate, long soak in fragrantly scented bubble bath, walk in a park, new fingernail polish, etc.
In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14
Posts: 2311 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA |
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698 | | Posted: 9:39 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
Thinking of you.
(((hexed)))
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3686 | Registered: Oct 2011 |
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152 | | Posted: 10:21 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.
I was stuck during my seven year separation.
I remember that feeling in the stomach well. Every email, every piece of mail from the attorney. My heart would race, and it felt like a panic attack.
It's good to get it over with.
(((Hexed))))
Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12
Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky |
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258 | | Posted: 1:05 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
It's funny, I'm OK with the finalization.
I think what I'm not good with is the OW still being around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hugely bothered by it but I sense that she is pushing it. It is unlike him to initiate these contacts. I've forced it all along. I'm still annoyed with her for certain things.
It is more than time. I realize that what I posted last night wasn't very true. It wasn't just communication. I like to sugar coat it with that. He is/was an active alcoholic. He most likely was cheating through out our M. He is very P/A. He can't tolerate to be told what to do. Ect. There was more than one problem.
I really am glad to have it done. It is best for both of us but it wouldn't be genuine of me to say it doesn't have any effect on me at all.
Good Bye X.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Posts: 8679 | Registered: Apr 2008 |
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552 | | Posted: 1:41 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
I hear you. My D took over three years. We'd both moved on with other people. I had zero desire to R with him. But I still felt a bit sad when the disso came down. It wasn't that I was sad and missing HIM... like you said, it was more sad over the idea that it didn't work out, I guess?
I dunno. But the sadz do pass. I promise.
Here's to your official NB. 
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Posts: 15490 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl |
stronggirl72
♀ 37293
Member # 37293 | | Posted: 2:03 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013 | |
Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.
^^^Yes. My SA states that we will be LS for close to a year because of health insurance coverage, and even that length of time seems challenging sometimes. I would jump at the chance if STBX were to initiate the D sooner than our agreement states, but that doesn't mean that I won't feel a sense of melancholy when that day does arrive. You are not alone.
Wishing you the very best during this transition and here's to a happy, healthy NB!
(((hexed))) [This message edited by stronggirl72 at 2:34 PM, April 5th (Friday)]
"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."
DIVORCED!!
Posts: 165 | Registered: Oct 2012 |
| Topic Posts: 22 | |
