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hexed posted 4/4/2013 22:38 PM

This is really more D related but I feel like posting here in NB - my safe zone I guess.

Many of you know that my X and I have been in a long term holding pattern for our D. We have some deadlines fast approaching. Its time

X texted me tonight asking if we could talk tomorrow. Those texts used to leave a pit in my stomach b/c it was always drama. This time I just asked him to summarize tonight and I let it go. He mentioned that we needed to finalize things. It kind of through me for a loop. I hadn't thought about it much recently. Its unlike him to take the initiative. I guess he's finally moving on as well.

I'm not really upset but feeling a bit melancholy about the whole thing. Somehow, even after 5 years, I can't believe we couldn't pull it together. Its just plain sad. I've always felt the biggest issue for us was always communication. That has frustrated me all along. At this point, I have no desire to have him back but I feel sad that an entire M failed b/c we couldn't agree what shade of blue that the sky is.

I don't ... just feeling a little out of balance tonight

Jrazz posted 4/4/2013 22:49 PM

(((hexed)))

disillusioned12 posted 4/4/2013 22:51 PM

(((hexed)))

FaithFool posted 4/4/2013 23:15 PM

Five years for me too and I'm divorced, but the melancholy still comes sometimes.

I can't imagine not having things wrapped up yet.

(((hexed)))

persevere posted 4/4/2013 23:58 PM

(((hexed)))
I look forward to your final closure of an important chapter. Thinking of you lady.

Survivor3512 posted 4/5/2013 07:05 AM

(((Hexed))) I'm sorry your feeling sad. Hopefully it will pass and you'll feel better soon.

nowiknow23 posted 4/5/2013 07:08 AM

((((Hexed))))

Williesmom posted 4/5/2013 07:13 AM

((hexed))

You'll feel better when it's resolved.

Weatherly posted 4/5/2013 07:22 AM

(((((((((Hexed))))))))))

CluelessGuy posted 4/5/2013 07:28 AM

(((hexed)))

jo2love posted 4/5/2013 07:34 AM

(((hexed)))

MyVoice posted 4/5/2013 07:51 AM

(((hexed))) xxx

veelop5 posted 4/5/2013 08:13 AM

(((hexed)))...I can't wait to read about your D and about a new beginning....I am sorry you are having a hard time right now..You have been there for me many times so if I can be of any help please message me!...

ajsmom posted 4/5/2013 08:47 AM

Take this as your true, new beginning.

(((hexed)))

AJ's MOM

SoHappyNow posted 4/5/2013 09:33 AM

(((((hexed)))))

Breathe, do something really kind for yourself: think chocolate, long soak in fragrantly scented bubble bath, walk in a park, new fingernail polish, etc.

tryingagain74 posted 4/5/2013 09:39 AM

Thinking of you.

(((hexed)))

hurtinky posted 4/5/2013 10:21 AM

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

I was stuck during my seven year separation.

I remember that feeling in the stomach well. Every email, every piece of mail from the attorney. My heart would race, and it felt like a panic attack.

It's good to get it over with.

(((Hexed))))

hexed posted 4/5/2013 13:05 PM

It's funny, I'm OK with the finalization.

I think what I'm not good with is the OW still being around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hugely bothered by it but I sense that she is pushing it. It is unlike him to initiate these contacts. I've forced it all along. I'm still annoyed with her for certain things.

It is more than time. I realize that what I posted last night wasn't very true. It wasn't just communication. I like to sugar coat it with that. He is/was an active alcoholic. He most likely was cheating through out our M. He is very P/A. He can't tolerate to be told what to do. Ect. There was more than one problem.

I really am glad to have it done. It is best for both of us but it wouldn't be genuine of me to say it doesn't have any effect on me at all.

Good Bye X.

wildbananas posted 4/5/2013 13:41 PM

I hear you. My D took over three years. We'd both moved on with other people. I had zero desire to R with him. But I still felt a bit sad when the disso came down. It wasn't that I was sad and missing HIM... like you said, it was more sad over the idea that it didn't work out, I guess?

I dunno. But the sadz do pass. I promise.

Here's to your official NB.

stronggirl72 posted 4/5/2013 14:03 PM

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

^^^Yes. My SA states that we will be LS for close to a year because of health insurance coverage, and even that length of time seems challenging sometimes. I would jump at the chance if STBX were to initiate the D sooner than our agreement states, but that doesn't mean that I won't feel a sense of melancholy when that day does arrive. You are not alone.

Wishing you the very best during this transition and here's to a happy, healthy NB!

(((hexed)))

[This message edited by stronggirl72 at 2:34 PM, April 5th (Friday)]