So far my BH and I have been getting along really well even discussing the D details.
We were kind of bantering back and forth, and the OM came up. It was not a big deal at first, I was joking I would put in the decree that if the OM ever heard about the D and came around, he would be obligated to come over and kick his ass.
Then I realized...I could not remember OM's last name. Honestly- I totally blanked. Thought about is few minutes- nothing. In fact, BH had to remind me what it was.
So basically I wrecked my M and destroyed part of the soul of my BH and for what- someone whose last name i can no longer remember.
It has been awhile since the shame overwhelmed me, but it did. I wish we could have an intervention CD with all of our stories to magically send out to people who are considering an A.
I have worked through a lot of "whys" and grown so much, but it sometimes feels like I cured s splinter in the finger by cutting off my hand.