Welcome to SI.
Please use some paragraph spaces in your posts. It is quite difficult to read when it is all one giant block of text.
So, first off, you have to work through this feeling that you deserve becoming a BS. Nobody deserves that, and from the sounds of things, his actions, his minimizing, he is playing the role of a WS perfectly. What husband would tell another woman that "he is fine now that he see's her pretty face" and then hides it? Ask him how it would make him feel if you said that to some guy on this chat thing you've joined.
Speaking of which, drop that chat crap. There are other ways to learn self-confidence, and obviously it is something of a boundary issue with him. And guys were swarming you? No, a couple trying to R should not be participating in a chat room setting where people are trying to hook-up. Bad idea.
You are what we call a madhatter, which means you wear the WS hat and now you wear the BS hat. It is a tough thing to recover from, but look around here in the Wayward forum. Some people identify themselves as MH's in their signature. There is also a thread in the I Can Relate forum for MH's.
Read through the Healing Library if you haven't done so already. There is a link in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. Lots of good info there.
Just keep reading around and find your footing. Post, respond to others, and you will find a direction. Whatever direction you do find, it shouldn't involve you beating yourself down and "accepting" any kind of retribution in the form of an A by your H. Emotional affairs (EA) are just as damaging as a physical affair (PA).