"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

atthedoor posted 4/6/2013 06:59 AM

I wasnt going to post this but i realize now that i need to get it out.
yesterday i was buying pizza for a party at work. as i am walking to my car i see a man standing in the pocket of his front door, not in the door pocket but in the space of the open door, it looked like he was hiding.
then from behind me a woman ran up to him wearing a scarf on her head and they passionately embraced. he was ass grabbing, it was sick and i couldnt turn away.
i knew what i was looking at.
and then i just lost it when i heard him say "nice disguise".
i threw the pizza into my car and whipped out my phone and started to snap photos, the woman became scared and ran to her car, and then i said "small world bitch i know who your husband is" and i turned to the man and said "youre a piece od sh+t, dont even look at me" i turned back to woman and said " expect the photos is the mail" got in my car and drove off.
I have no idea who these people are! I just lost it, I could barely drive.
I was clearly projecting my self loathing for what i had done. I tried to tell myself i was doing them a favor, but I feel so crazy for behaving this way.
i want to tell mr.atthedoor but i know he will be very angry and this would be an uneccesary trigger for him. or he my laugh. IDK.

floridaredman posted 4/6/2013 07:39 AM

Not only do I think what you did was funny..I think you are a hero. You scared them pretty good. maybe something good can come out of it, maybe it won't, but you at least stopped their secret rendezvous for that day.

[This message edited by floridaredman at 7:40 AM, April 6th (Saturday)]

authenticnow posted 4/6/2013 07:43 AM

I think it's very easy to get angry at others when you are looking in the mirror. I hope you did make them think about what they are doing and scare them a little bit.

Now it's time to keep looking in the mirror and figure out what you can do for YOU to change the behaviors and patterns that you detest so much.

hardlessons posted 4/6/2013 09:33 AM

atthedoor, your not crazy and your no hero, your human and for a few minutes you got to direct your anger at someone else. Self righteousness is a common flaw of those of us that have screwed up royally and those that just naturally walk on water.. Keep the focus on you.

floridaredman posted 4/6/2013 10:01 AM

Well atthedoor, I agree with AN. You do need to focus on yourself and why your anger made you react the way you did.
However..I still think you are a hero..you stopped an instance of infidelity..if only that one time..at least you stopped it.
Probably also gave those two people something to think about the next time they attempt to be unfaithful

atthedoor posted 4/6/2013 10:10 AM

It was judgemental for me to behave this way.
I have recently expedienced a large stressor in my life, both of my parents have fallen in and i am now in a care taker position until they get back on their feet.
Just showed me how much further i have to go in learning to deal with stress.
I should have stayed out of it, or shared my testimony...

BaxtersBFF posted 4/6/2013 10:42 AM

i want to tell mr.atthedoor but i know he will be very angry and this would be an uneccesary trigger for him. or he my laugh. IDK.

why would he be angry? How do you know he would be angry? and why are you taking the lead on "knowing" what his reaction would be? Not fair to him is it?

uncertainone posted 4/6/2013 11:15 AM

Atthedoor, has your husband changed in his treatment of you? Has your marriage become safe for you BOTH?

atthedoor posted 4/6/2013 12:29 PM

absolutely i should tell my BH.
i dont need to buffer for him but i have. our relationship is improving at a snails pace. i have decided to stay in my marriage and so has bh. we have mountains of damage go get through.
my restraint comes from my own selfishness. i dont want to hear something a long the lines of "that was you five years ago" because it literally was.
UO my relationship is.much safer than ever before, i am much more confrontational (hello) and am expressing my feeling.
i am going to tell BH what i did. i know i need to

Card posted 4/6/2013 14:39 PM

i want to tell mr.atthedoor but i know he will be very angry and this would be an uneccesary trigger for him. or he my laugh. IDK.

When I counseled with Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., the author of, Surviving An Affair, he said, at any time I have the thought "I shouldn't tell my spouse _______ "(fill in the blank), then it's something that clearly needs to be told.
Otherwise, I'm keeping secrets again....

I'm glad you've decided to be honest about your day with your husband. It's a great sign of recovery when this begins to occur regularly.

As far as your reaction toward the couple that was obviously cheating, KUDOS to you! We often speak even louder when we say nothing at all. This too was/is excellent. You're recognizing inappropriate behaviors. :)

[This message edited by Card at 2:40 PM, April 6th (Saturday)]

hardlessons posted 4/6/2013 15:45 PM

When I was proof reading a book for Hemingway called "Drop it like its Pompous".

Atthedoor, it is a crazy world out there and while recognizing bad behavior is great, your safety is more important than beating your chest and making a point. Be safe, stay focused and heal.

[This message edited by hardlessons at 3:45 PM, April 6th (Saturday)]

Francheska posted 4/8/2013 09:53 AM

Excuse my French but... You fucking rock! I don't know if it's just my perception but it doesn't seem like there're aren't many, if any people that are around to give folks having an A a good swift kick in the ass! If people would take more personal responsibility for what they see and hear. Maybe folks would think twice before the fuck up someone else's life. Good for you.