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summerain posted 4/7/2013 00:38 AM

This book has made me extremely depressed. Can anyone tell me if it actually helped?

authenticnow posted 4/7/2013 06:25 AM

Lauren, I haven't read it, but I bumped a thread about books for codependents for you. Maybe that will help.

phmh posted 4/7/2013 11:04 AM

Why did it make you depressed?

It helped me to recognize some behaviors I had, such as putting my XWH's needs ahead of my own. Things that I worked on and eventually it's made my other (non-romantic) relationships much better and stronger.

tesla posted 4/7/2013 11:36 AM

I read it and it was extremely helpful for me. I think I was initially bothered by being a "type," KWIM? But after having thought about it and accepting that I was that way, I have been able to work on curtailing those tendencies.

Amazonia posted 4/7/2013 12:34 PM

OMG this book changed my life.

Why did it depress you?

summerain posted 4/8/2013 00:25 AM

Tbh I have only read the first two chapters. I don't know it didn't give me much hope,there was a checklist and I filled every single thing except wh having an addiction (other than smoking)

I guess i wanted to know if it gets less depressing. Though ur responses give me hope lol

Amazonia posted 4/8/2013 05:40 AM

Have you heard the phrase "the first step to solving a problem Is admitting you have a problem"? Or something like that?

The beginning of the book is a tough pill to swallow, I can definitely see that, especially if you've never seen yourself as codependent before. It can be a bit of a rude awakening.

However, the rest of the book is about where to go from that realization, how to heal, how to care for yourself, how to replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones.

tesla posted 4/8/2013 06:15 AM

Please don't stop reading it. It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company.

One of the nice outcomes from reading the book was that now at work, I recognize co-dependent situations and I back slowly away.

Amazonia posted 4/8/2013 08:11 AM

It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company.

Darn right you are!

summerain posted 4/8/2013 09:18 AM

Haha i will read some more tomorrow then. Especially since it seems so good!

rachelc posted 4/9/2013 06:38 AM

best line for me: control comes from fear, fear comes from lack of trust.

2kidsandadog posted 4/10/2013 15:41 PM

lauren,

No, it didn't make me extremely depressed BUT it took me like 5 months to read it because it was so hard and shameful to read about MYSELF. Then the regret sank in because I wished so badly I'd have been able to implement my behaviors so many years ago (like when I was 20) and not married who I married.

I FORCED myself to finish it because I knew I needed to read it, but of all the boring, mindless, plotless books I've read, this book was by far the most difficult, emotion filled, degrading book I've ever read.

So, your depression is totally understandable, You are not alone.