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summerain (original poster member #37439) posted at 6:38 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
This book has made me extremely depressed. Can anyone tell me if it actually helped?
OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:25 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
Lauren, I haven't read it, but I bumped a thread about books for codependents for you. Maybe that will help.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 5:04 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
Why did it make you depressed?
It helped me to recognize some behaviors I had, such as putting my XWH's needs ahead of my own. Things that I worked on and eventually it's made my other (non-romantic) relationships much better and stronger.
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 5:36 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
I read it and it was extremely helpful for me. I think I was initially bothered by being a "type," KWIM? But after having thought about it and accepting that I was that way, I have been able to work on curtailing those tendencies.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 6:34 PM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013
OMG this book changed my life.
Why did it depress you?
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
summerain (original poster member #37439) posted at 6:25 AM on Monday, April 8th, 2013
Tbh I have only read the first two chapters. I don't know it didn't give me much hope,there was a checklist and I filled every single thing except wh having an addiction (other than smoking)
I guess i wanted to know if it gets less depressing. Though ur responses give me hope lol 
OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 11:40 AM on Monday, April 8th, 2013
Have you heard the phrase "the first step to solving a problem Is admitting you have a problem"? Or something like that?
The beginning of the book is a tough pill to swallow, I can definitely see that, especially if you've never seen yourself as codependent before. It can be a bit of a rude awakening.
However, the rest of the book is about where to go from that realization, how to heal, how to care for yourself, how to replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 12:15 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2013
Please don't stop reading it. It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company. 
One of the nice outcomes from reading the book was that now at work, I recognize co-dependent situations and I back slowly away.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:11 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2013
It's ok to acknowledge that you are a co-dependent...you are in great company.
Darn right you are! 
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
summerain (original poster member #37439) posted at 3:18 PM on Monday, April 8th, 2013
Haha i will read some more tomorrow then. Especially since it seems so good!
OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 12:38 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
best line for me: control comes from fear, fear comes from lack of trust.
2kidsandadog ( member #33679) posted at 9:41 PM on Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
lauren,
No, it didn't make me extremely depressed BUT it took me like 5 months to read it because it was so hard and shameful to read about MYSELF. Then the regret sank in because I wished so badly I'd have been able to implement my behaviors so many years ago (like when I was 20) and not married who I married.
I FORCED myself to finish it because I knew I needed to read it, but of all the boring, mindless, plotless books I've read, this book was by far the most difficult, emotion filled, degrading book I've ever read.
So, your depression is totally understandable, You are not alone.
Divorced 05/11/11 -
2kids - 20 and 22 (Thank God for them)
Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!
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