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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: R you a child of divorced parents?
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have or would you have wanted wedding pictures of your parents?

HurtsButImOk started a thread regarding what to do with pictures. Personally, I threw a lot away but I'm holding on to a few wedding pictures for the kids. Then I got to thinking, hey, I should ask the gang (you guys)!

My stbx parents were divorced (no infidelity) and he did not have any pictures of them together at all nor did he want any. His mom remarried and are still married (30+ years) and we didn't have any pictures of that wedding either.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am and both parents cheated and married their APs. I don't want wedding pictures (I think the same is true for my siblings) but I do still enjoy looking at old family pictures.

Posts: 1850 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
HurtsButImOK
♀ 38865
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OHHH me, pick me!!!!

I never thought of it before your question dmari but as a child raised by a single mum with a "disney dad" (divorced due to infidelity I was conceived during seperation - yep thats me the HB baby!!!!) I never even ever asked to see the wedding photos.

Maybe it is relative to how involved the 'absent' parent is. My dad was mostly a no show so past photos were just not important to my brother and I.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to know!! Thank you! I hope others will give their 2 cents.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
JW123
♀ 21265
Member # 21265
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents divorced due to my Dad leaving for OW. I DONT want pictures of my Mom and Dad's wedding day - to me it was all just a joke. I gave XH all the photo albums of our 15 years - BUT I am told he has since used them to show the kids how happy he made me and all the good times and that THINGS JUST CHANGE!!!!!

LOL - My Dad married OW and she had her wedding pictures up everywhere. HATED seeing them. The day of his funeral was the last time I saw or spoke to her - i heard she moved on really fast like in a month or so.

So to answer your question...no I dont want wedding pictures of my parents. It is a reminder that we were not good enough for my Dad (even though on his deathbed he showed remorse)


Him (WS)43
Me (BS) 43
3 beautiful children
D -Day 13 October 2008
He moved out - 1st June 2009.
Divorced - 29/11/2011
He lives with OP now
Married 15 years. Known him 21 years
(Although I suspected, denial is quite a thing)

Posts: 488 | Registered: Oct 2008
Looby-loo
♀ 34726
Member # 34726
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not a child of divorced parents, but they were unhappy together and perhaps in hindsight, should have separated.

My mother accused my dad of cheating on her and cut up her wedding dress in a rage. I was devastated by this as a child. When she died, my dad told me that he never cheated on her and that she spent her whole adult life tormented by something that just wasn't true. I have no reason to doubt him as he talked to me about it at such an emotional time; he was so cut up about the fact she never accepted the truth.

I have their wedding photos and love them. No matter what way you look at it, wedding photographs depict a happy time, a happy day and a milestone in two people's lives. It is a little piece of family history that will no doubt bring sadness to those in the photos if they have since gone their separate ways. It is however still family history and meaningful to the children of that marriage.

Wedding photos of broken marriages evoke mixed emotions.

Personally, I believe keeping them is the right thing to do. Perhaps put them away so that the children of divorcees can decide for themselves whether they would like to keep them or not.

I wouldn't take that choice away from the family and am grateful that my mother didn't destroy hers. I still wish she hadn't destroyed her wedding dress.


ღ♥¸¸.•*´¯`♥ღ LOVE HURTS ღ♥¸¸.•*´¯`♥ღ


DD 1: 27/12/11
DD 2: 16/04/12
Me: 49 (now 50)
WS: 44 (now 45)
OW: 33 (now 34)
Status: Divorcing / Selling our House


Posts: 223 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: UK
bluelady
♀ 11061
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents divorced when I was 9 and my sister was 7. My dad, whom we lived with, had a copies of their wedding picture framed and hung one in my room and one in my sister's room. He said that he wanted my sister and I to remember that he and our mother had loved each other very much.

Even when my dad remarried and we moved into a new house with our stepmother, Dad hung the pictures in our new rooms. I assume our stepmother was ok with it. I never heard her say anything about it.


Me (BS): 35

Divorced


Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
DecimatedHeart
♀ 37657
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never minded seeing wedding pics of them, and still have pictures up of us as a family. I devastated my mother though, when I told her I didn't want to wear her wedding dress. I thought it would be bad luck since they were divorced, in an ugly divorce that shredded my childhood, no less. My sister wore it years later, and is still happily married while I am in hell, so maybe I should have worn it since the joke was on me lol.


Me, BS 43
Him WH 43 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 25 years
DD14 - the love of my life

DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
DDay#5 10/8/14 - caught him reading an "old" email from OW.

D seems like the only option.


Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2012
TXanTB
♀ 35889
Member # 35889
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am, and my parents carefully saved and passed down their wedding photos to me (lonely only).

I like having them, and have saved my wedding photos for my kids to have one day in return.

They aren't able to handle seeing the happiness in the photos and understand why we are now divorced, but as they get older that will change.

What they choose to do with the photos is up to them


Me: BS, 39
Him: WH, 44
Her: old, ugly, lonely, pathetic

Kids: my two reasons for getting through each day


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2012
trebleclef
♀ 33488
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents divorced when I was 11. I have several of their wedding pics. I don't have any emotion attached to them. They are just family history like a genealogy or an album with great uncle so-and-so long deceased.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not, but my SO is. He saved a couple of momentos his father was throwing out during the divorce. He told me that he has them because he wants his children to know where they came from. I suspect they also have some meaning for him as well.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15341 | Registered: Jun 2006
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a child of divorce, but not due to infidelity. My dad was an alcoholic and passed away shortly after the divorce. My mom still has their wedding pictures and even has an old family photo framed on the wall of her house. She never re-married though, so that might make a difference. She wanted us to know that both of them loved us despite all of my dad's problems.

I plan to keep our family photos and the wedding pics for the kids. They can do what they please with them in the future.


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 983 | Registered: Mar 2013
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dad found his second wife when I was 10 and the divorce happened a year later.

My mom went through a bohemian phase and took up decoupage -- she hacked up all their photos in what was then I suppose an artistic way (tore the edges to look scalloped) and stuck them onto a plywood circle, slathered the whole thing in laquer and called it a table top.

None of my siblings wanted it after she passed away so I'm still lugging the damn thing around.

Someday I want to mount in on the wall on a spindle so you can spin it around to look at the different pics.

I could have killed her at the time because I'd love to have those photos whole and in an album, but everyone who sees this thing thinks it's awesome.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17788 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
MissMouseMo
♀ 38562
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a child of divorced parents and I recommend keeping the photos. They cannot be replaced if you are mistaken in throwing them away.

As others have said, they are reminders to your children of when you both were happy and optimistic. Nothing since will change what was a hopeful start - and you both are their parents for the rest of their lives.

They are small and flat so it's not like they take up a lot of square footage. If you don't want to see them, put them in a box and secure the lid.

History may thank you - and your kids may one day also.

My two cents anyway.

[This message edited by MissMouseMo at 4:29 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 389 | Registered: Feb 2013
josie11
♀ 31648
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the child of divorced parents. They had a long, unhappy marriage because my father was a very, very difficult person, and my mother could never make him happy or prevent him from raging at her and us kids. He beat us, too. She was stuck with him because that was just how things were then for unhappily married Roman Catholic couples. They were married for about 24 years, until social mores changed enough that being a divorced Catholic actually became an accepted "thing."

All that being said, I cherish their wedding photos. It's amazing to me to see them so young, beautiful, and hopeful, before the difficulty of family life together took them down.

My mother told me she realized she'd made a terrible mistake on their honeymoon because my father threw a gigantic fit over a trifle, and there were other ominous events at the time, but she was already pregnant with me. I was born 9 months after their wedding, and 6 more children soon followed, one every year, with miscarriages in between. Again, just the reality of Catholic families in the 60s.

I also treasure the few wedding photos I have (maybe 5 in all) because they are the ONLY images I have of people who died shortly afterward, including both grandfathers and one grandmother. The photos show other relatives looking impossibly young and glowing with happiness on the steps of the church.

I love those pictures. I saved my wedding pictures for my own children because I think they'll appreciate them one day. They are packed away, and I think it will be years before we look at them again.

[This message edited by josie11 at 11:15 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 398 | Registered: Mar 2011
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for responding!! I loved reading them all and it has definitely helped me to make the decision to not toss out the pics! Love you guys, dmari


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My view is a little longer term. My kids may or may not want to see them but their kids and grandkids?

I've kept a single photo of the wedding day. The family/group shot.

I hate seeing it or even thinking about it but it is the only photo of my girls entire family all together.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents are divorced. My mother left my father, but there wasn't cheating that was ever found. She was hanging out with people she met at work that my father didn't know, but never found doing anything.

She left the tv-like "Dear John letter" and snuck off to my brother's, which I thought was heartless to tell one sibling and probably my sister, but not me?

Anyway, I don't know if either of them have wedding pictures or my siblings, but I don't. My father would be more likely to hang onto them than her.

If I come across a picture of them together, it makes me cry, fourteen years later.

As for STBXH, its too soon for me so I just left it all when I moved out of the upstairs of our house. I can't even look at it, it makes me cry and throw up. I burned some of his pictues but kept a bunch in the photo albums for DD and baby to be and I didn't touch any in DD's room.

I've wondered if she would ever ask to see any again, for she used to enjoy seeing them.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2413 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Undefinabl3
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a child of divorce, I dont know if there was infidelity involved, though its suspected that my mother was cheating on my dad.

Both of my parents were married within a year of letting us kids know they were getting a divorce, which means neither let the ink actually dry before diving back into wedded blissdom.

I personally would like to keep at least some pictures of my parent's wedding. It is a part of their history, and my history - and honestly, its not like they hate each other.

I will say though that if you would have asked me 10 years ago, i could have cared less about the pictures - but now...My grandparents are in many of those pictures, and they are no longer with us. An uncle that was killed in a car accident a few years after they married are in some of those pictures....and friends and family...they are there.

At some point it becomes less about the fact that they are at the wedding, and just the fact that they are pictures of them.

Save them, tuck them away, let your kids decide later if they want them for their own memories.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.

Posts: 1833 | Registered: Sep 2012
tabitha95
♀ 22033
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not a child of divorced parents, but my dad was a child of losing one parent to her suicide because my grandfather was leaving her for another woman.

He still likes having pictures of his parents together. I asked my mom about it before and asked if it was painful. She said that it's his parents and he didn't see it that way.

I think we all see things differently. I left all the wedding pictures with EX. I don't know what he did with them.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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