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Thoughts on turning 50 and my NB

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Grace and Flowers posted 4/7/2013 02:18 AM

A little less than two hours ago, I turned 50.

I don't "do" birthdays. Ten years ago, I was MISERABLE when I turned 40. H and I were separated, he was close to death, I had lost everything, was broke and on food stamps. And I looked and felt like shit.

Even after WXH reconciled (after he got sober, but before cheating)...things were never right in the marriage. By two years ago, we were both miserable. I wanted to work on the marriage, he wanted to work on a new girlfriend.

The demolition of my 25 year marriage finally happened when I was 48. I tried hard to save the marriage. He did not. The same month of D Day, DS was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer. What hurt even more than leaving me was watching my son be abandoned by his dad during his hour of greatest need.

So began over a year of hell. But I'm a doer. I read books...lots of them. Getting Past Your Breakup helped the most. I began exercising, a lot. I found SI....the single biggest thing that got me through each day. I got out to do things, even when that was the last thing I wanted to do. I cared for my son....he had to drop out of college and come home. I nursed him through two surgeries, complications, and the greater agony of losing his dad.

I wrote up the divorce papers without a peep from WXH. I cut costs, got a lower costing car and refi-ed my home somthat I could stay in it. I took care of business. I am financially safe.

I cried, a lot. I was angry, a lot. But I kept plugging away. I never had a desire to date or meet anyone...I was in full time healing mode. I went to IC...and learned how I contributed to a lousy marriage. I worked on making myself a better person.

And then one day....the tide turned. My son got better....I felt better, physically. I felt safer, financially. I felt happy with myself, emotionally. I reached the point of indifference with WXH. Somehow cut that last, emotionally wrenching tie to him. We are total NC...I rarely think of him. When he told me he was going on a trip to the Caribbean with OW, I was fine. Not my business anymore, nor do I care.

And now, turning 50, I find myself happier than ever. I love my life! I feel healthy and fit. I'm proud that I have TCOB. And it shows. Two strangers today commented on how "radiant" I look! I'm happy inside, and it shows.

I have no need for a man...definitely not for a relationship. I don't need a Mr. Right, nor will I look for one. My happiness comes from within ME. But I've been lucky enough to find a yummy and delicious Mr. Right Now. How nice it is to be appreciated by a man....not necessary, but nice. When it ends with him, I will be happy for the time spent together...and keep on enjoying this wonderful, happy life of mine!

I NEVER would have imagined that I would not only feel good turning 50, but better than ever before!

There can be peace, love, and happiness in NB....it just takes time...

And the help of friends....like SI. The xmas card exchange, alone, touched my heart.

Thank you SI peeps, for being there. For offering advice and being non judgemental when I screw something up.

I'm fabulous and 50, and I couldn't be happier!!!

stronger08 posted 4/7/2013 02:33 AM

Good for you. Im 50 myself and my life is so much better then when I was M. My NB has been rocky as far as relationships are concerned. So Im just buying my time till the right person comes along. Till then Im happy with what Ive accomplished on my own. I took early retirement and have been busy renovating an old house I bought in the mountains. My homes are paid off. I have no debt. Not even a car loan. While my income has dropped big time. So has my financial load. I dont need 6 figures a year anymore. All I have is the basics to pay every month. And being Im only 50 I still have some life left in me to enjoy lifes simple pleasures. I could have stayed on at my high pressure, high paying job working 12 to 14 hour days for another 10 to 15 years and retired very comfortably. But what good is it if your dead ? No, Im happy right now. I do get lonely at times and miss a relationship. But if thats what God has in the cards for me so be it. If not, thats okay as well.

HurtsButImOK posted 4/7/2013 03:59 AM

thank you SadMad2012. Your post is an inspiration.

Good to hear you are doing well, it gives those of us fresh out of JFO a reason to hope and look forward to the turning tide.

Thanks again for posting

ETA - Happy Birthday!!!!


[This message edited by HurtsButImOK at 4:00 AM, April 7th (Sunday)]

MyVoice posted 4/7/2013 05:22 AM

Happy Birthday

Thanks for such an inspirational post I'm 47 in a couple of weeks and sometimes think my life is moving too fast. After reading your words I feel like I can relax and enjoy life without worrying about my age

newnormal posted 4/7/2013 05:35 AM

Thank you for your post! I'm a year behind you and really needed to hear every thing is going to be alright. A recent aha moment was that I am 48, not dead. I've got allot of life left to live. What am I going to do? Wait another 10 years in limbo and be asking these same questions then?

Im really excited everything is okay on the other side

Happy Birthday sister!

phmh posted 4/7/2013 07:17 AM

Happy birthday, and what a fabulous post.

I am so happy that things are better than ever. Yay!

cmego posted 4/7/2013 07:34 AM

Happy Birthday!

Time does heal

tesla posted 4/7/2013 07:45 AM

Happy Birthday!

Your post had me smiling...thank you!

Sad in AZ posted 4/7/2013 07:45 AM

Happy Birthday! It sounds like you celebrate your life everyday now, so it's no wonder you don't require a birthday party.

Continued good health to your DS and continued happiness to you!

Williesmom posted 4/7/2013 08:21 AM

Happy birthday! Thanks for the inspiring post.

tryingagain74 posted 4/7/2013 08:56 AM

Happy birthday! I'm so happy for you. Thanks for giving the rest of us hope!

wildbananas posted 4/7/2013 10:29 AM

Happy birthday!

You go, girl.

nowiknow23 posted 4/7/2013 10:39 AM

I full-on love this, SadMad. Happy Birthday!!!

okaynow posted 4/7/2013 11:35 AM

Happy Birthday!

Thank you for writing this post. I am so happy for you.

k94ever posted 4/7/2013 11:44 AM

Welcome to the club SM. Life is SO MUCH BETTER after 50.

It so totally rocks.

Hollywood has it all wrong........................

k9

FaithFool posted 4/7/2013 11:52 AM

Happy birthday! Wow, what an awesome post. I'm glad your son recovered, what an awful thing to have to deal with on top of everything else.

I'm turning 60 this year and have to say it gets better.

The way I see it, we are like a house. If you have an old house and you let it go to rack and ruin, you get a crappy old house on a lot full of weeds.

If you treat your body well and keep an optimistic state of mind, it pays off like house maintenance.

You get to live in a pretty place with a sweet view.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 11:52 AM, April 7th (Sunday)]

caregiver9000 posted 4/7/2013 12:25 PM

It is good to hear from you- and to hear good news!!

Happy birthday to you!

foxglove posted 4/7/2013 13:24 PM

Happy Birthday!

I turned 50 last year and I have to say, it's been great-the best so far!

Grace and Flowers posted 4/7/2013 13:25 PM

Thanks, everyone! Like Stronger said...it's really the simple things that being happiness!

Like FF said....I'm living in such a pretty place with damn sweet view!

And I do celebrate life....every single day!

And I feel so lucky to have this community....and to get to spend the day with my boys! The best bday present ever!

brokenapart posted 4/7/2013 14:03 PM

Happy Birthday! I think I came on the site today so that I could find your post.

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