After losing our jobs, and our apartment. My fiance, our son, and I were forced to move back home.
My son and I moved to my parents, and she moved to her grandmothers.
For 5 months this is the situation I believed was true. We were still reconciling a prior very recent infidelity on her part.
Yesterday was one of the most painful moments in my life. My fiance called me at 3 am.
After 3 days of her being gone, not coming home, not answering texts or calls.
Only it was not her calling me but her "boyfriend" calling me to let me know that for the past 2 months she has been living with him at his house. going there every night, and that they have been having sex every day. In the same 2 months she was still sexually active with me.
I was in shock, she had been with me and my son nearly every day if she didn't have "work", it was only at night that she would leave to go sleep at her grandmothers. Which for a few months was the truth.
I met her when I was 17, I'm 24 now. I know that I was very young and foolish and that is what led me to be so easy for her to manipulate. I wanted to believe she could always be sweet, loving, and honest. But when I look back those times were few and far between.
But it hurts me so badly, because I loved her , and I believed her, and I wanted my son to always have his Mom and Dad together. We were best friends and in love, at least in my world.
As a man I feel like I've lost something inside.
She has 2 kids from previous relationships. My son is the third, she isn't the primary caregiver for any of them. She leaves her oldest to her mom, her son to her second ex, and my son to me. It was always something I argued with her about. I sometimes even thought inside that if she could treat her kids this way then it explains a lot about how she treats me.
I tried my best to communicate to her my goals, beliefs and morals. I worked hard to pay our bills by myself when she would get fired for idiotic reasons. I even kept our home clean, since she was always too "tired" to do so.
And now today I am lonely and sad, During our relationship I lost touch with all my friends. Which were not many too begin with. But on the bright side I do have my son, and my family.
I know that I am on my way to success, and she will be a joke i tell in the future.
But right now I feel like dying.
I guess the part that hurts me the most right now is knowing that these past 2 months which from my perspective were us moving forward, she has been lying to my face, having a whole separate life, all while keeping me just close enough so she wouldn't have to ever be alone.
She hasn't even asked about our son.
The few one sentence texts she did send
Im afraid I cant ever change.
Leave 40$ in the mailbox .
[This message edited by FoolishBeliever at 12:57 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
This is all on her, she is broken, not you.
Continue to be a great dad to your son...the pain will end and you will heal through this.
I agree with your thoughts that her treating her kids poorly is a huge big red flag!! How a mom can just abandon children amazes me.
Your son will be lucky to have a stable home with you, lean on family and come here when you need to vent.
Im afraid I cant ever change.
Leave 40$ in the mailbox .
Drop her like a bad habit! And no more money for her! You have your child, your not married. You have no further reason to support her.
She is admits herself that she is broken and crazy! Believe. Her.
Take your son and RUN! And don't look back!
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
I am happy for you that you have your son and a supportive family. You can reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Build your life and be happy. I know we will all be more cautious when we get in new relationships. That makes me sad. For me, I may never commit to someone else. I'm not sure I have it in me. But that doesn't mean I won't be happy. I'm not there yet. Big work in progress.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
sorry you're here. Welcome to the club!
Eta it can be done. I got custody of my son from my first wife. she had to pay me 360 a month for 14 years. the saddest part of that is that she was not upset that I had custody, but rather that she had to pay me child support.
[This message edited by 5454real at 1:39 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
I sometimes even thought inside that if she could treat her kids this way then it explains a lot about how she treats me.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit. She seems quite broken and in constant pursuit of validation and self-worth from other people.
She needs help big-time and she knows it. You need to affirm to your self that you should not accept this shit in your and your child's life and you know it.
Get away from her contagion and get started on a cleaner, honest, and authentic life for you and your son. And, from here on out - expect better.
Your fiance' is totally lost. IMO is not worth your while to wait around for her to "fix herself". Odds are she stay broken for life.
Your first priority should be to get custody of your child. You need to go to the court and do that ASAP.
Not that this doesn't suck- I know must. :
[This message edited by MoreThanMe at 9:24 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009
I am going to tell you something. Dying is the last thing your child needs...How do I know this?
My WH is having an affair with a woman whose husband KILLED HIMSELF and the other man 15 years ago.
YEP> It didn't even stop her!!! She is doing the same thing to the current husband--- the man who raised her daughter since she was 2!! The daughter who had to grow up without her dad!!!Her dad missed everything and the OW bitch gets to enjoy this beautiful child while possibly setting her up to lose another DAD!!!
So,,, my philosphy was during this past year was that I was the person who was going to raise my children because I deserved to watch these beautiful children grow up -- not my mfH and the OW from hell.
Also, believe it or not your son being so young will be used to her not living there and it will really be easier on him than my 15 year old who had a 15 year childhood and traditions and memories that are now TOTALLY screwed up. He has dropped some of his sports, won't eat at the dinner table, can't believe his Dad took the OW to our lake house, etc etc.
Please grieve and then work very hard at enjoying the blessings of a child. There's lots to live for--his sports or music interests, hunting, fishing, etc. You are going to give him a great childhood and he will be a great dad because of you.!!!!
None of this has to do with you. A healthy person doesn't leave their children and cheat on their SO.
"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back
I still care! I will always care!
I hate this
I hate that I've done this!
How can I stop, it's done it won't be forgiven you can't forgive that, I know you won't
I want our life back.
It makes me sick, she has this whole new relationship that she began while we were still together. that is hurting me so badly, she is and has been living with this person, her life never missed a beat, she went right from me to this guy, with not even one day of separation. We were together for seven years. I am so depressed that I can hardly function.
[This message edited by FoolishBeliever at 11:18 AM, April 8th (Monday)]
DO NOT fall for this bullshit. She's sending you this shit because she wants you to keep pining for her so she has both her affair guy and you vying for her fucked-upness. That's her version of validation and self-worth.
You are not married to her - that is fucking fantastic! Trust me! You should EASILY win custody of your son - if there was any contest.
I know it hurts right now but you will see what a good thing it was that this happened before you were legally married to her.
As for her pathetic texts, they are designed to get you to keep her in your life mainly for financial assistance. Please ignore her foolish meanderings and shut the door on this poisonous relationship.
If you take her back there will be more pain. As she stated, she cannot change; among all the lies this is the one item of truth.
As for her pathetic texts, they are designed to get you to keep her in your life mainly for financial assistance.
I know it hurts but you are pining for someone who does not exist. Hold your head up, take care of your boy and walk away. Don't look back.
Today is Monday, use today to start the custody and child support papers.
There is a shinning future out there waiting for you!