So assuming STBX gets partial custody or extended parenting time that includes overnights & weekends and vacations, and assuming he doesn't somehow magically come into a wad of cash allowing him to be a stay-at-home-parent when he has the kids, meaning he still has to go to work for a living...
...am I going to be stuck with paying for 50% of the childcare costs with all the babysitters, nannies or whoever else he'll have to hire to watch the kids when he has them?
I ask because I cannot afford to pay for childcare NOW. I can't afford 50% of the childcare costs NOW, so I cannot look for FT work (which I don't want, anyways, because I'd like to return to college & finish my degree). Now that I'm looking at the worst-case scenario, I am shuddering at the idea of having to pay STBX 50% of the childcare when the kids are with him.
It would be the ultimate victory for him, making me pay HIM for childcare. He didn't want the kids to begin with, so forcing me to pay childcare when he knows I'd rather be the one to stay home with them would make his day sparkle.
I do know that there have been Saturdays when the kids were with him and he went into work. They stayed with the OW... *shudder. Or he took them into work and left them in the car while he "met with someone or brought keys or some other work emergency..."
My friend who has a 50/50 custody split and daycare is where the pick ups for parental transfer took place each week... they split the cost of the daycare but it is the consistent place the kids go no matter whose house they sleep at.
I think it is wise to investigate worst case scenarios and have a counter offer for it based in logistics like his inability to exercise PARENTING time. This was precisely my argument as a teacher with the summer off and kids who were not going to go to stay with dad and be babysat or ignored by dad's girlfriend...
Good luck (((NG)))
I am the primary custodial parent.
If possible, I would put something in your divorce agreement that includes how much child care costs and try to have it included with spousal support/child support wage garnishment.
It is just a total pain in the ass to get ex to kick in his share of before/after care, and I'm the one who drops off/picks up little one.
I wouldn't worry about paying for childcare to him on the weekends/vacation. If he doesn't have the time to have the kids then, then he shouldn't be seeking custody during those times.
[This message edited by whyohwhyohwhy at 6:35 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced
However, if he's got the kids but he has to work and they aren't in school??? That kind of childcare adds up. I already priced it and came here to process the sticker shock. I can't even afford half of that amount. At present I can't even afford anything.
I thought of that "right of first refusal" thing people talk about, but I know he'd make me offer the kids to HIM when I need childcare. And since I think he's an evil pervert to begin with, I can't see myself offering the kids to him.
What they said is that whatever child support am receiving should cover the cost of child care. Also, if I have them, I am responsible for finding someone to watch them.
I would ask that there is right of refusal in your paperwork.
There is no paying him for things. If you are the custodial parent, you will receive child support. He is responsible for what he has to pay when he works, but you are available when he is working and make that known t him.
You are their mother and you come before anyone else.
So, say you got $1000/month in either spousal and/or child support, and daycare costs were $1000/month.
He would have to pay the $1000/month, and $500 toward childcare.
[This message edited by debbysbaby at 7:56 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
However... if we went 50/50, and I didn't need to put the kids in a child care program (which I won't next year due to my teaching schedule) but STBX did, then it's my understanding that the expense would be his to shoulder. So, unless your state has vastly different rules, I would think that your STBX would be on his own financially for child care during his weeks if he's the only one who will need it.
Similarly, in my state he has to pay a % of childcare costs that allow YOU to work (or look for work?), and that is in addition to the base child support amount.
The way around paying for his childcare is to put "right of first refusal" into the divorce agreement. But as you point out, he can also ask for the same right. However if you end up working similar hours to his, he might not have much opportunity to excercise that clause.
And yes, you are right, childcare is insanely expensive!
What about when the parent is attending college (so that the parent can get a job to make enough money to support herself & her children)? Is that considered a valid reason to split the childcare cost?
Our divorce papers say if either party is unable to care for the children for 4 hours, then the Other party gets the first right of refusal before another person is allowed to babysit children. I just got my children for 3 of the 5 days of XWH spring break visitation because he had to work. I did, too, but I worked 3 hours those days (great boss). and my children are now 12 and 15, so they are ok alone now. Also,, in summer he's only getting them 2 weeks because he works the other 2 weeks he COULD have exercised his visitation.
I THINK 1st right of refusal's problem can lie if you wanted the kids to spend day with your family while you worked. Then XWH could insist he gets them that day.
I ALWAYS drop my plans if he needs to bring them home early or has something going on.
Also, see what all you can put in your papers that is backed up by contempt...such as in my state he can't have a girlfriend spend the night -- it's contempt, and drinking then driving with children there. That way you have some "teeth" in the fight.
you can search: Judge brown's standard visitation SC. Your state is probably not so restrictive, but it'll give you an idea of what to ask for(like no r rated movies, no drinking, etc). You can always hire a PI later to bust him, especially if you can get him drinking and driving with children!!!
A main thing you want is final say in ALL decisions affecting your children. (I get to say, yes they can go to camp, yes it's time for eye glasses, yes they are going to go to Speech therapy, etc). You dont want him busting up their counseling.
You will get a HUGE tax refund if you work part time, go to school and hire someone part time to watch your children. There are CREDITS you get!Like you get back thousands more than you pay in. I got back the money I paid someone to watch children, PLUS a CREDIT of a couple hundred dollars. IF you have free time, go online to one of those tax programs. You can fill it out but not submit. As you go along it tells you what your refund is gonna be. Am I making sense? LOL Hard to tell sometimes!!!!
For instance: Go to taxact online start new return. Put in your childrens ages, put filing status as head of household, put down you make 10,000 and had college expenses of 2,000 and babysitting fees of 7,000 for year and child support income of whatever you think it's gonna be. It will calculate your earned income credit and your credit for child care and your credit for college. You can see the refund figures on the top right page as you go along. You can switch it all up as you go along.
Tip: My friend told me (please verify) that displaced homemakers qualify for college to be paid thru the unemployment office. Check on yours.
Also, try to get childcare paid directly included in child support somehow. You don't want to track him down each week for it.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:52 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day