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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Guilty dating
Quin82
♀ 38552
Member # 38552
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been 3 month since I found out about his online cheating and he says he is not even thinking about dating yet. I have a date this week and part of me feels guilty about it. I'm definately not over him yet but feel I need to do this to help get over him.
Im also very nervous/self conscious about meeting new 'suiters'!! I haven't been on a date with someone new in 6 years!!
Trying to move forward but very difficult as I'm sure most of you can relate to. :(

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three months is pretty fast It's been almost 9 for me and I'm nowhere close to ready.

Posts: 1851 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Quin82
♀ 38552
Member # 38552
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't think I'm ready either, but I feel like it may help me to move on.. Then again it could also put me back a couple of steps.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO you are trying to rely on someone else to save you.
If you don't feel ready then you are not ready. Ask yourself a question. Are you ready to be heartbroken again? Because it might happen as well.

Your new beginning doesn't have to include dating and 3 months out is IMHO way to early to start. Spend some time adjusting to your new life, working on yourself. Are you divorced yet? Get your own life sorted out first if not. You are also not being fair to any future suiters if you can't fully commit to them and 'using' them to help you move on.

You can do this on your own, you don't need a man to validate yourself. ((Quin82))


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1408 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Theres a saying around here - broken attracts broken.

I too used to believe the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else.

Worked in my 20s - not so much in my late 30s. Its a lot more complicated now.

By all means get out and meet people but don't go looking for someone to 'fix' this for you. It will be a bandaid on a gaping wound.

Focus on YOU and your life. I'm well over monster but I'm not over my M and the hideous way it ended and the way it is being ground into dust.

Bringing someone else and their lives into this already complicated situation just does not appeal to me at all.

I was a hot mess at 3m out and the guys were circling like sharks like they could smell the blood in the water. I don't want a guy like that - I want someone who wants me whole, unbroken.

Save yourself - the impact will last a lifetime. Having someone else save you will only last a short while. You'll have to heal to get through this properly - its up to you whether that happens now or whether you waste another 10 years circling around douchebagville.

I have no desire to visit again - once was enough for me.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to do this to help get over him

How nice for the people you are dating (I mean, using) in the process.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13934 | Registered: Jul 2011
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are guilty, you are simply not ready. Dating for the wrong reasons will end up in heartache for you, and possibly the other person too. Especially if they are out dating for the "right" reasons.

I went on one date after I ended my first post S relationship...and I felt horrible during the entire date. I knew I wasn't ready. I took a few more months before I dated again. The next time felt much..easier...and I knew I was ready.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
permanentpain
♀ 38312
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It takes time to heal, and its a lonely process. Only you can work through this. In my country there is a saying I despise: "un clavo saca otro clavo"... It means that a nail can take out another nail... the problem is you will have two holes to deal with, instead of dealing with the original one... Not a good idea!... I think everyone at some point has felt lonely and rejected (part of the lovely gift of infidelity), but YOU need to work on the things that make you happy and fulfilled. Then an only then you may be able to offer someone else the type of relationship and attention you would like bestowed on to you. ((Quin82))


Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Divorcing
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Quin82
♀ 38552
Member # 38552
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your input! I don't believe that I'm ready but I feel like I need to at least go on this date to know for sure whether or not I'm ready.
We weren't married, but lived together for 6 years.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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