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OktoberMest posted 4/8/2013 14:50 PM

Woah! Stop the world I wanna get off.

Apologies for the break away from SI - not ignoring you good peeps, but life has gotten CRAZY over here.

It's wonderful to have my BH home from his 3 month stay away on your side of the pond but we've not stopped for one second.

We had some real low points since he's been back to be honest, he's been really poorly and work stuff has gone mental for both of us.

His birthday was last friday but I was on call so we went out on thursday. I knew he was really down and particularly becsue (in the interests of honesty) I told him I hadn't had ordered the present he'd asked for for his birthday. I didn't want him to be disappointed, but instead he ended up feeling second best and unloved... It sucked but I pressed on with my other present ideas.

I don't know if anyone else finds this but since dday buying presents and cards is so hard sometimes. I read the wording over and over and see if there's anything I thing my BH would snort at or misconstrue. I think about the meaning behind presents much more...that's good but ot takes me ages to find something meaningful but not overdo it, you know?

Anyway, his primary love language is words of affirmation and I wanted to acknowledge this but writing him a letter, an update of how I felt and my goals for us. I'm glad he really liked it and I think he ended the night not feeling second choice anymore.

Honesty's fine and all but sometimes it's really knowing when to broach stuff. I guess I wish I'd thought more and waited until we were together before explaining wheat he wasn't getting rather than leaving him feeling like that meant I hadn't done anything. I mean he was upset and so was I because I knew I'd booked us a meal out at a lovely restaurant with a surprise "happy Birthday" desert plate! Equally he got a couple of other gifts from me too, but they were all about the meaning from me, rather than just buying him what he asked for.

Still my lessons over the last few weeks, stay focussed and organised with time management. Reassure your BH you're not slipping away from working on yourself, just because you've got ill or busy. Talk honestly but think about the effect of the timings of the conversation - may be waiting is better for both of you.

Today was a really sad day as I had my Grannie's funeral, she was like a second parent to me, we were close. LH was awesome supprt, even when my Mum accidentally triggered him a few times. I'm lucky to have him.

We're still crazy busy but we're heading away for a break together next week. Here's to a little bit of well earned R&R...

Anyway, just checkin' in really...hope you're all ok...

Unagie posted 4/8/2013 15:09 PM

Oktober I've wondered where you'd gone. Thanks for the update I'm glad to see the two of you are still working and connecting. Lots of hugs and support.

nowiknow23 posted 4/8/2013 15:27 PM

So sorry to hear of your Grannie's passing. ((((hugs))))

ophelia24 posted 4/8/2013 15:28 PM

It was so cool to have a look here this morning and see your update OM.

Your post reminded me of this Christmas whereby I had (for once) planned ahead and had a photo my H took that he loved put onto canvas. He, on the other hand rushed out Xmas eve and got me four glasses and a pot mitt. I brushed my disappointment aside but realised later I felt hurt about the impersonal aspect of the gift and how there was very little 'wanting' on his part to think about me and what I may love. I'm not even a big gift person, but it stung abit.

In saying that, I too have been slack in the past at organization or putting real thought and care into gifts for him, so it really does say where our heads and hearts are at. And I'm not saying either, with everything going on for you, that this applies to you. Your post as usual just caused me some reflection.

Have a great time away. Look forward to hearing your wonderful insights when you back again.

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