Woah! Stop the world I wanna get off.
Apologies for the break away from SI - not ignoring you good peeps, but life has gotten CRAZY over here.
It's wonderful to have my BH home from his 3 month stay away on your side of the pond but we've not stopped for one second.
We had some real low points since he's been back to be honest, he's been really poorly and work stuff has gone mental for both of us.
His birthday was last friday but I was on call so we went out on thursday. I knew he was really down and particularly becsue (in the interests of honesty) I told him I hadn't had ordered the present he'd asked for for his birthday. I didn't want him to be disappointed, but instead he ended up feeling second best and unloved... It sucked but I pressed on with my other present ideas.
I don't know if anyone else finds this but since dday buying presents and cards is so hard sometimes. I read the wording over and over and see if there's anything I thing my BH would snort at or misconstrue. I think about the meaning behind presents much more...that's good but ot takes me ages to find something meaningful but not overdo it, you know?
Anyway, his primary love language is words of affirmation and I wanted to acknowledge this but writing him a letter, an update of how I felt and my goals for us. I'm glad he really liked it and I think he ended the night not feeling second choice anymore.
Honesty's fine and all but sometimes it's really knowing when to broach stuff. I guess I wish I'd thought more and waited until we were together before explaining wheat he wasn't getting rather than leaving him feeling like that meant I hadn't done anything. I mean he was upset and so was I because I knew I'd booked us a meal out at a lovely restaurant with a surprise "happy Birthday" desert plate! Equally he got a couple of other gifts from me too, but they were all about the meaning from me, rather than just buying him what he asked for.
Still my lessons over the last few weeks, stay focussed and organised with time management. Reassure your BH you're not slipping away from working on yourself, just because you've got ill or busy. Talk honestly but think about the effect of the timings of the conversation - may be waiting is better for both of you.
Today was a really sad day as I had my Grannie's funeral, she was like a second parent to me, we were close. LH was awesome supprt, even when my Mum accidentally triggered him a few times. I'm lucky to have him.
We're still crazy busy but we're heading away for a break together next week. Here's to a little bit of well earned R&R...
Anyway, just checkin' in really...hope you're all ok...