Thank you for your support this morning. HD, thank you too ... i have in the past expressed my concerns so he knows that and so far hasnt taken anything to upset me. You are right SBB, I am having a hard time detaching. It seems now he is away from me, a section of my brain is forgetting ALL the sins he has committed, all the hurt he has caused and the absolute FACT that there is no way on earth our marriage or any part of it can be salvaged. This is fact. Yet he is still in my heart, which absolutely breaks it. How can I still love someone who has broken my heart? It's because I know he didn't go out of his way to deliberately hurt me, no excuses for his behaviour really, but if he had just cheated on me I think I would have forgiven him. He just didn't want to try. It's what he has done after DD that hurts the most.
We don't have children together. He has two sons now 15 and 18 who have always lived with their mother, his first wife. They are growing up, the 18 yr old lives with his partner now and the 15 yr old, well he is 15 ... So just the wrong age to want to spend time with a 50 yr old woman who has been his step mother for the last 7 years. This is a fact of life. I can't do anything about it but to let him go. He knows I love him because I have told him and every now and then I send him a text just asking him how he is doing. Both boys have always liked me and I don't feel that has changed.
As for today. Well I phoned his boss to check what he text was true and she told me she advised him to collect as many of his belongings as possible, but PREFERABLY not to have both of us alone together when he does so, to avoid heated arguments. She witnessed us both being very upset and she made a professional decision to protect us both. She is right I suppose but it's harsh to hear. His GF is supposed to have reported receiving nasty FB messages to the police and they think it was me. His boss is trying to protect us both I reckon, particularly as it has been suggested to involve the police is something. Thankfully I didn't do that. I went to the police to offer my help, but they wouldn't confirm if anything had been reported and said they would have referred the person to their solicitor as it was not a criminal matter. The desk clerk suggested they hadn't been contacted, which is what I suspected.
Silly games. Silly games can lead to arrests and job losses. His boss is technically right. It just makes me sad to think that we can't speak in person to each other. It also makes me frustrated that I have no choice but to let him come when I am not in to collect his stuff. He won't come very often and I have nothing to hide. So far he hasn't taken anything of mine, his boss reckons he would have done that by now and she doesn't think he would do so now.
Our marriage has broken down because of his actions and of course there is a complete breakdown of trust. If I let him come over every now and then to collect his post or a few bits, I believe it will go a long way to protecting me from him acting maliciously by stopping mortgage payments and the house insurance.
I will see how it goes this evening when I get back from work. See what he takes. God, I hate having to keep him sweet.
Thanks again for your help. I needed that this morning,
PS. His boss told me where he was being moved to. He is being moved because he is in the wrong job as it is a very stressful position and his new place will reduce his hours and work pressures as well as avoid us bumping into each other of jobs, as that is a possibility if he stays where he is.
Perhaps everything does happen for a reason after all
[This message edited by Looby-loo at 7:35 AM, April 9th (Tuesday)]