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Find myself getting very depressed lately....

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She11ybeanz posted 4/9/2013 09:44 AM

So, I have found myself getting very depressed lately. On the up side.... my daughter has everything she needs....clothes for Spring and Summer... she is happy and healthy... and we have not had to see her sperm donor or deal with him since December.

The downside is....that although I'm able to pay my bills (for the most part) I'm struggling. I have a couple of small bills that I can't seem to even make a minimum payment for right now. I struggle to scrap up enough money to buy food for myself. I've been selling things on Ebay and Craigslist just to make ends meet.... the clothes I wear to work are probably 8 or more years old cause I can't afford to buy any clothes....not even used ones! I have all of these tiny expenses like needing to get my car inspected this month that I have no idea where I will get the money for. And, all I do is worry about money. I've been single almost a year now....and that is starting to get to me. I wonder how long I will be alone. I just feel like life is slowly trying to swallow me whole and I'm suffocating....

I love my daughter....and I just wish things were easier.... that's all. But, I'm trying my best... at least we have a roof over our heads....heat, electricity....and the essentials. I just wish going to the grocery store and spending $20 didn't make me feel guilty....

I know things happen for a reason....I just wish I knew what the future holds for us....cause to be honest with you.....right now...I'm scared....and feel very alone.

MovingUpward posted 4/9/2013 09:51 AM


Sending you mojo

Amazonia posted 4/9/2013 09:56 AM

Shelly, are you in a professional job? I know there are a couple different organizations that help women get used suits and professional clothes that others have donated - Dress for Success is one I think?

Survivor3512 posted 4/9/2013 10:21 AM

(((Shelly))) I will be praying for you and your daughter. I wish there was more I could do.

dlmos posted 4/9/2013 10:27 AM


She11ybeanz posted 4/9/2013 11:34 AM

Thank you Amazonia....I appreciate the tip! I will look into that! I just hope they won't say that "I make too much money!" It always cracks me up when I get that famous line!! When I was pregnant with Piper and I was doing everything BY MYSELF to get ready for her....and moved into my own place....I looked into getting on the WIC program (which was a huge blow to my ego....but I needed the help) and UM....NO. I make too much money! I wish that these programs took living expenses into consideration! I have student loans that are as high as a house payment every month and I've gotten them reduced to as low of payments as I can get! UGH!

Oh well... I'm still waiting for Publisher's Clearing House to knock on my door! Any day now I think! (or so the emails say anyways.... )

itainteasy posted 4/9/2013 12:35 PM

Is forebarance an option for your student loans?


ajsmom posted 4/9/2013 13:27 PM

You need to know and continue to believe that you are doing an OUTSTANDING job doing this all alone.

I walked in your shoes with an infant and well remember those days when I ate popcorn for lunch 4 days a week to make sure AJ had what he needed. The sacrifices you are making now will come back to you tenfold when that gorgeous baby girl of yours grows up.

You may need to address your overall budget to see where you can squeeze a little here or there. And certainly, as itainteasy has mentioned, look into a temporary forebearance on your SL's. Financial hardship like you're describing certainly would make you qualify for reduced payments or a temporary suspension until you're back on your feet.

Also, look into area food pantries or those run by local churches. If they are like the one at my church, they don't require any paperwork at all for the help - we are just happy to provide it to those in need.

There is no shame in what is going on with you. You're just in a bit of a valley.

IMHO, Miss Piper hit the Mommy Lottery.


She11ybeanz posted 4/9/2013 14:57 PM

Awww....thank you AJS MOM! I appreciate that! I can definitely look into the forbearance thing "again" as I have already used that option twice now. Once when I was laid off back in 2011 and once during my 6 week unpaid maternity leave. One of my student loans will allow a forbearance and the other one won't.... unless my XWH signs the forms (which he adamantly refuses to do because he is an ASSHAT!)

Everyone keeps telling me that things will get easier....I guess its just really hard to see the forest for the trees right now. I'm in the dark part of the tunnel....and sometimes you wonder if there is any light coming your way.....(and pray its not a train! )

Pentup posted 4/9/2013 15:30 PM

Shelly, I don't remember, but are your parents or family near by or available to help you at all?

She11ybeanz posted 4/9/2013 15:43 PM


My sister helps A LOT and keeps Piper for me during the day so I can work. That has been the BIGGEST help of all! I would basically be screwed if I didn't have that help! As far as monetarily.....NO. My dad doesn't have the money and my mom let me borrow about $600 last year so I could pay the deposit to get into my new place but threw a huge fit about it for a long time afterwards until I paid her back with my taxes this year. She won't even watch Piper for a few hours and she is her grandmother....says that she feels she should be getting paid. When I offered to pay her some....she says she has shoulder and hip problems... so that's not an option. Piper only has one grandparent in my dad. But, he won't watch her because it makes him nervous....

Pentup posted 4/9/2013 16:04 PM

Does your Dad have enough money that he would have you and Piper over for dinner a couple of nights a week? Would your Mom have you over for dinner, maybe just to spend time, not telling her it is saving you buying food?

I think the church pantry is another good option. Take any help you can get, you can always pay it forward when things lighten up. and they will.

ladies_first posted 4/9/2013 16:38 PM

my daughter has everything she needs....clothes for Spring and Summer.

Some schools and churches do infant clothing exchange, but if you're an Ebayer you may have found a cheaper alternative. (IMHO, Baby Gap is overrated.)

As you know, babies need love and nourishment, not pink labels and trendy togs.

cmego posted 4/9/2013 20:09 PM

I sell my kids old clothes to a "resale" shop, and buy at least 1/2 their clothes there too. Also, I always check Goodwill for kids clothes...and sometimes I find stuff for me there too!

If you watch Ebay, you can get a feel for brands that sell...I used to always watch for certain brands in Goodwill or resale stores...and sell them on Ebay for a major profit.

She11ybeanz posted 4/10/2013 08:00 AM

Oh, when I said my daughter has what she needed with spring and summer clothes....don't read that as "NEW" clothes. I bought all of her clothes at a consignment sale! I can't afford to buy her new clothes. And, I used my tax money to do that! But,she comes 1st! And, I wanted to make sure she had what she needed.

Oh...and the rest of her clothes have come from Ebay!! Way ahead of ya'll on that secret!

And, the "Once Upon A Child" store!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:01 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

She11ybeanz posted 4/10/2013 08:03 AM


My dad doesn't eat....sadly...not what I would call eating. His idea of dinner (embarrassingly to admit) is probably a bag of salt and vinegar chips....a debbie cake and a beer! He doesn't buy REAL food! And, the guy my mom cheated on my dad with and lives with is on this really strange diet and they live on bland veggies and potatoes every night.... I will just stick to ramen noodles if it comes to that.... plus the company is much better....just me and baby girl! And, I won't have to deal with "creepy dude" (mom's boyfriend) looking at my boobs the whole time and trying to give me inappropriately long hugs hello and goodbye....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:05 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

dlmos posted 4/10/2013 08:46 AM

While youve pretty much covered all the cost saving optino I did think of one thing. In most cities there is a local "freecycle" group on yahoo. When people are getting ready rid of things worth keeping they post it on freecycle. It's like a citywide garage sale, but its free. Just like a garage sale though everything gets listed from tiny toys to complete playhouses to furniture. Even if your not hurting for cash you can pick up som cool stuf on there.

On a personal note though I feel you. Being tapped is stressful and asking for help is a humbling experiance. But know that you are doing aa wonderful job, making tough decisions and still being a wonderful mother. Your daughter has a good example to follow.

better4me posted 4/10/2013 10:20 AM

One idea I have is to ask your boss for a raise. I have no idea where you work, if it is a small or large company, but sometimes bosses have leeway to use their discretion to put someone a little higher on the pay scale even if it isn't performance review time.

Do you have a good relationship with your boss? Do you have a feeling as to how asking for a raise will be received? If there won't be negative repercussions then maybe asking for an increase in pay is an option.

Come prepared for this meeting with a list of things that you have accomplished over the past few months that show initiative, the goals you have reached, the money you have saved the company etc. Then share that you are having a difficult time with making ends meet and ask to be moved up on the pay range for your position. With the economy improving a little, maybe an increase is possible??

It sounds like you are doing a great job with baby Piper. Hang in there! Are you getting any child support $? In my state there is Child Support Recovery department at the Department of Human Services which helps get payments from parents who aren't paying support.

[This message edited by better4me at 10:23 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

She11ybeanz posted 4/10/2013 12:37 PM

dlmos.... "Freecycle" on Yahoo.... where can I locate this? Is it an online website or is this normally an organized group within a city that I have to try to see if we have one where I live?

As far as asking for a raise.....I "want" to...but I guess my biggest fear is not having a good response to it...and I don't want to and can't afford to lose my job. I got laid off back in 2011 and by the grace of God landed my current position "literally" 3 days after I found out that I was SURPRISE pregnant!! And, my baby's daddy had lied about being "fixed" and apparently my pill decided to take a vaca for some reason and not work! My boss was SO awesome about me telling her a month and a half after I started...and I am always just so grateful to have this job!!! But, maybe towards the end of the year I can consider giving it a try....

All I know that my daughter is healthy.....and happy.... and has everything she needs.... a home... and love. And, I'm doing the best I can with what I have...

Pentup posted 4/10/2013 12:39 PM

Sent you a pm

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