Last night felt like a landslide back to square one.
All day yesterday all I could think about is how aweful of a person I am. I was also still upset with the fact my BS also became a WS with a comment. (I'm not sure i can even consider hom a WS based off of one comment) At this point we've done everything the other did. As far as being MH's.
I attempted to talk my feelings out yesterday and got stung. I was telling my BS that i didn't feel good enough and i was mad at myself for all the things I was thinking, as I was trying to tell him about the feeling of wanting to check his phone he said "now you know how i felt but i got it worse".
I had not even got out my statement yet before he said that. I was crushed... Because i had already been feeling bad. The way he said that with anger. Also i feel like i have no right to be upset about the comment he made to a girl he don't know...
Needless to say i felt like I deserved it. That everything I think and feel about myself is true. I wonder why he's here. I feel like my feelings of hurt and anger from his overly affectionate comment are not reasonable. As we attempted to talk things out more he broke down asking the same questions he did in the beginning.
I know I'm realizing all the feelings I use to have since our first A's.I know i use to feel alone, forgotten. As years went on I started to feel resentment, unappreciated, and emotionally lonely. I can see these feelings and understand that all it would have talking was some time to fix these. If we could really talk about our feelings to each other.
I know I had attempted to say how I felt about something when ever I felt these feelings and wanted to resolve them. But neither of us knew how to talk, just fight and argue and blame. Plus I also felt he should just know and i now understand how unreasonable that is. I cant read his mind how could he read mine.
Needless to say I felt inadequate to comfort him. Im trying hard to be here to take what he has to say in stride. I understand i created this and i need to handle it. I just sometime don't feel like I'm doing it right when I'm the one crying all the time.
I guess the questions I have right now are: Should I feel as upset about the comment he made to this girl? He did not want me to see it. When i read it I was so angry and hurt. Can i even consider it a EA... One comment. He agrees he was wrong to say it and has deleted the chat. I wanted him to let this person know that we are together and that we are working on things. But why?? Why does this matter to me?? Finally how can we get through this if I feel that my feelings are not as important with this situation as he's are with the situation i put us in..
Thank you for any and all responses.