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InnerLight (original poster member #19946) posted at 4:53 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
This morning I received a Linked in message from a guy I was with for 5 years in my early 20s. (I am now in my early 50's) The relationship went no where and we broke up and I moved on and got married. He was really good at words of affirmation which kept me with him, he telling me how beautiful and amazing I was and asking me to marry him blah blah blah, but in those days I did not see that this was all talk and no action. In fact years later I realized he was with another woman while we were together.
We stayed in very loose touch but I was with my X for 20 years so we didn't talk much at all. once every 3-4 years. When D-Day happened and the divorce process started a girl friend ran in to him and let him know I was getting divorced. He wrote me a 6 page single spaced typed letter about how I cut him off and he had back surgery and I didn't care he was in pain and how we should put our relationship in a box and throw away the key. His letter seemed stunningly all about him with little concern for me at a time I was in extreme emotional pain from the divorce...I never responded.
Today I got this:
"I'd LOVE to add you to my contacts, InnerLight but after 17 years of icy silence, I'm guessing that just isn't going to happen.
After all of these years I still miss you, and Imiss hearing about your life. I'm so sorry you are still so angry with me. No chance for redemption before I die?"
-XSO
WTF?
His narcissism is so stunningly apparent to me now. I can't believe I wasted so much of my young life on this guy.
I can't imagine an appropriate response to this ridiculous note. Any ideas?
[This message edited by InnerLight at 10:55 AM, April 9th (Tuesday)]
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 4:56 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
What a douche....No response is best in this case.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
Pentup ( member #20563) posted at 4:57 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
I think I would reply, "talk to Jesus", then I would notify LinkedIn that you do not know him.
Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
better4me ( member #30341) posted at 6:17 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
He gets crickets. Since however you respond will be interpreted in his usual way to be ALL ABOUT HIM, its best to just leave it alone.
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 7:37 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
Responding to a narcissist is like trying to reason with a drunk - there's no point in even trying.
NC InnerLight - don't give him any energy.
What a jerk.... 
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
Holy dodged bullet from the past, InnerLight.
Crickets indeed.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Brandon808 ( member #35619) posted at 8:09 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
...but after 17 years of icy silence...
Hey, why break a streak like that now?
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 8:24 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
Oh my, we are high on ourselves aren't we?
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
InnerLight (original poster member #19946) posted at 10:20 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
My thought is crickets too, which was my response to his 6-pager. But do you think I need to tell him to stop contacting me so that he doesn't keep trying every few years? You know, harassment is not harassment until you've clearly said 'No' and 'Stop'.
If I did respond, it would be...
"I don't enjoy reading your notes and letters, please stop contacting me. I wish you well but I don't want to hear from you again."
I wish I had taken a course in how to spot and a avoid a narcissist when I was a young woman. It's so obvious to me now that he is, but back then I was easily flattered and boy did I waste years on this guy.
[This message edited by InnerLight at 4:23 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)]
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013
I wouldn't recommend any contact with him. Wishing him well is just the response he's looking for - VALIDATION.
Ignore.
Delete.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
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