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disillusioned12 posted 4/9/2013 15:22 PM

Today is my wedding anniversary. Two years. I spent most of last night crying and most of today sleeping. Luckily my mom is staying with me and she's loving quality time with her grandson.

Anyway, last night I made the mistake of reading some old emails from my STBX while he was deployed, while he was having his A. I cried, then felt sick. He professed his love for me and his happiness of starting a family. Yet, he was having an A. So, I deleted the emails. All of them. I feel good about it, but will probably regret it later when my disgust wears off. For now though, I have one less thing to remind me of his hypocrisy and selfishness.

Happy Anniversary to me.

SBB posted 4/9/2013 15:34 PM

I've deleted/trashed all of that stuff. You won't regret it. One less thing to torture yourself with.

Our final S happened on our 8th wedding anniversary. It will be a tough day to get through this year - not from being wistful but from a regret perspective. I know it gets easier with time.


disillusioned12 posted 4/10/2013 02:06 AM

Thank you Strongbutbroken. You're right about having one less thing to torture myself with. Reading them didn't do any good and only made me feel worse. Not sure why I torture myself like this.

SBB posted 4/10/2013 07:29 AM

Because you're trying to make sense of it. Trying to 'see' now what you didn't see then.

Maybe you're even soothing yourself that he did love you once.

Maybe its to pick at that wound a little so you have a tangible reason to feel so hurt.

I've done it to myself for all of these reasons and a million others. Deleting them saved me from myself.

disillusioned12 posted 4/10/2013 13:53 PM

Uhg. All of the above.

nowiknow23 posted 4/10/2013 16:17 PM


SBB posted 4/10/2013 16:18 PM

I know honey. I promise it won't always hurt this bad.


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