I agreed to try. I asked him a millions questions. And although he hated answering in such detail, he was always willing to “do what it took” to put my mind at ease and be honest. I have just taken this one day at a time; sometimes wanting to go, sometimes wanting to stay. Certain things worried me. My trust in him is broken and Sometimes he seemed to get angry and blame my actions for his happy ending affair. Later he would apologize and explain that her feels demonized when I played a part in our relationship troubles as well. I told him that I was worried that this was just the tip of the iceberg. He vowed that He told me EVERYTHING that happened. I thought he was working so hard to be transparent.
Then two nights ago, I had a few more questions to ask him. I asked some more details about his behavior and I asked if he had ever gone to a happy ending massage place any other time in his life other than the times he told me and he said no he had never ever done it before. I trusted his responses and went to be thinking that he was being so honest and working so hard to help me heal and trust him
Then last night he confessed that he lied again. He had been to a massage parlor before (years ago). He also told me that he lied about his original confession story last November. He told me he had only gone to one massage shop and then it closed down and he never went again. In actuality, after it closed down he looked in the newspaper ads for another place in town and went there. He sought it out and that is where he got the infection.
Honestly, I don’t really care about the subject matter of these new lies. More than anything his ability to lie to me so easially and point blank is hurtful. Soo many times he’s lied to me and now, when he is supposed to be taking care of me and earning back trust he goes into self preservation mode and lies again. He didn’t want to look like a scum bag. He didn’t want to hurt me. I get it, but I gave him the perfect opportunity to be honest and he lied.
Though I have no where to go,
I think I am beyond reconciliation at this point. Who knows what he has/will lie about? Thoughts, advice?
You don't say how old you are. I'm going with the assumption that you are young to mid 20's. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Your WF (wayward fiance) is lying to protect himself. He might also think he is protecting you by not hurting you with the entire truth, but in reality it just makes everything more painful for you.
No one can tell you what to do...to go or to stay. All I can tell you is that if I found out about my husband whoring around when it first started I would have left. I would have been young, only had one daughter, and relatively debt free. Now I have 3 kids, I'm 32 and haven't worked in the past 11 years, making it virtually impossible to get a job that pays a living wage, we have a mortgage, car payment, etc. Think long and hard about whether you want to devote anymore time to a person who disrespected you and put you at risk for any number of diseases.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
Think of this: If your daughter or best friend told you this story and asked you, 'Should I marry him?' what would you answer?
Personally, is sounds to me like you would be choosing a very hard life and a very difficult problem filled marriage.
Failure to attempt is failure.
Take care of yourself. Do not have unprotected sex. Get an STD screening. It is very likely that there is even more. So sorry that you find yourself here. It is a very hard place when your SO is using prostitutes. At first mine didn't admit to sex with any of them. Then just hand jobs. Then blow jobs. Finally, there was intercourse with a few. It progressed in the time he started using them. Take anything he tells you with a huge grain of salt. Rigorous honesty takes quite a while for someone that has been lying for a long time.
On the other hand, If I choose to reconcile, I am afraid he will continue lying. I am afraid that he will think he "got away with it" and eventually continue with unfaithful behavior, I am afraid that I will be settling, I am afraid that I will feel this terrible gnawing depressions and anxiety for the rest of my life
I dont believe anything he is saying to you. From your other posts as well, he does not sound even remorseful.
Massage parlors are a dime a dozen. Prostitutes, easy to find, easy to account for that 30 dollars or 10 minutes being late. Do you really want to live your life wondering where he is and who he is with? FOREVER. Like others said, people who do such things usually progress those behaviors. Do you want to have children with a man who is deviant sexually? Who is bringing home diseases? Who is not trustworthy? Hes done it before meeting you. Hes still lying about it(I wouldnt be surprised if theres much more to this). Hes blaming you (which is NOT because you werent having enough sex). Does that really sound like he will stop completely right this second?
I know its hard to walk away. Just think long and hard before marrying this man. And trust what he shows you he is, not what he says.
All of these fears are valid. Read this again and trust what you are telling yourself.