I’m not sure if this goes in the Just Found Out section but I am brand new to the forum and am going through infidelity issues with my Fiance. Sorry if this is difficult to follow, I am a wreck right now
To make a long story as short as possible, A year ago my boyfriend at the time and I were in a rough patch. We were having communication problems and honestly, the relationship was far from perfect for the both of us. I very much connect intimacy with emotions. I cannot be intimate with someone when I am stressed, angry, or having issues in the relationship. So, over the course of that year, he and I were probably having sex a couple time a month. He couldn’t take the lack of physical intimacy. We tried to talk about it but I ended up feeling used and pressured and the sex was unauthentic and just plain bad at times. Reaching is breaking point, my Fiance saw a sign for a place to get a cheap massage one day.
Turns out it was a “special massage place”. He got one. He never told me. Over the course of the next year he returned and got about 5 special massages. The last one happened just 3 months after we got engaged. After the last massage he contracted a viral skin infection on his genital area. I was still in the dark. He said he panicked, didn't want to loose me so he lied and swore to me that it was from yoga. I believed him. I had not reason not to. We stopped having sex until the infection was apparently cleared up. We had begun counseling (thought he never mentioned the cheating there) and our relationship was improving tremendously. The intimacy was even beginning to come back. That was until last November when I showed got the infection. Then he got really weird. I could tell something was up. Some days later he confessed the whole situation. He said he felt terrible and could not continue his lie now that I was at risk. He begged me to take a chance at staying in the relationship.
I agreed to try. I asked him a millions questions. And although he hated answering in such detail, he was always willing to “do what it took” to put my mind at ease and be honest. I have just taken this one day at a time; sometimes wanting to go, sometimes wanting to stay. Certain things worried me. My trust in him is broken and Sometimes he seemed to get angry and blame my actions for his happy ending affair. Later he would apologize and explain that her feels demonized when I played a part in our relationship troubles as well. I told him that I was worried that this was just the tip of the iceberg. He vowed that He told me EVERYTHING that happened. I thought he was working so hard to be transparent.
Then two nights ago, I had a few more questions to ask him. I asked some more details about his behavior and I asked if he had ever gone to a happy ending massage place any other time in his life other than the times he told me and he said no he had never ever done it before. I trusted his responses and went to be thinking that he was being so honest and working so hard to help me heal and trust him
Then last night he confessed that he lied again. He had been to a massage parlor before (years ago). He also told me that he lied about his original confession story last November. He told me he had only gone to one massage shop and then it closed down and he never went again. In actuality, after it closed down he looked in the newspaper ads for another place in town and went there. He sought it out and that is where he got the infection.
Honestly, I don’t really care about the subject matter of these new lies. More than anything his ability to lie to me so easially and point blank is hurtful. Soo many times he’s lied to me and now, when he is supposed to be taking care of me and earning back trust he goes into self preservation mode and lies again. He didn’t want to look like a scum bag. He didn’t want to hurt me. I get it, but I gave him the perfect opportunity to be honest and he lied.
Though I have no where to go,
I think I am beyond reconciliation at this point. Who knows what he has/will lie about? Thoughts, advice?