Rocky and I had just started a movie, and she says nonchalantly that lead actress looks a lot like OW2. Uh oh. Trigger city. What do I do? I sit there, dumbfounded and literally say, "huh?"
Everything I've read has told me this is a great opportunity to put myself out there by doing what she has asked me to do so many times- engage conversation regarding the affairs. I literally see a guy in my head telling me to pause the movie and discuss the trigger. What do I do? Nothing. I watch for her reactions during some triggery moments throughout the movie.
So for the next couple of days I think about how stupid I was to have missed a perfect opportunity to help Rocky and myself. The good part is this:
1- For the first time without any prompting from anyone else, I realized how cowardly a was being by ignoring the trigger. (not looking for a cookie here; just hope this helps me do the right thing next time)
2- it brought me back here to SI after a hiatus. I realized that I need to use SI the same way I use AA. In my struggle with addiction, I have passed many difficult tests of strength and courage. I feel like if I had been active on SI still, I may have paused that movie and dealt with the trigger.
Sorry so long, I just had to get all of that out.
We had such a great discussion tonight, and I wanted to be able to look at some of it again.
