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Newest Member: DJC1978 (60705)

User Topic: Missed opportunity yields progress
♂ 38140
Member # 38140
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rocky and I had just started a movie, and she says nonchalantly that lead actress looks a lot like OW2. Uh oh. Trigger city. What do I do? I sit there, dumbfounded and literally say, "huh?"

Everything I've read has told me this is a great opportunity to put myself out there by doing what she has asked me to do so many times- engage conversation regarding the affairs. I literally see a guy in my head telling me to pause the movie and discuss the trigger. What do I do? Nothing. I watch for her reactions during some triggery moments throughout the movie.

So for the next couple of days I think about how stupid I was to have missed a perfect opportunity to help Rocky and myself. The good part is this:

1- For the first time without any prompting from anyone else, I realized how cowardly a was being by ignoring the trigger. (not looking for a cookie here; just hope this helps me do the right thing next time)

2- it brought me back here to SI after a hiatus. I realized that I need to use SI the same way I use AA. In my struggle with addiction, I have passed many difficult tests of strength and courage. I feel like if I had been active on SI still, I may have paused that movie and dealt with the trigger.

Sorry so long, I just had to get all of that out.

We had such a great discussion tonight, and I wanted to be able to look at some of it again.

Me: WS- 30s
Her: BS- 30s RockyMtn

Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 32309
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is truly an amazing insight, and if you have discussed this with your other half then good for you, progress has indeed been made with your recognition of missing a moment.

Well articulated!

Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Keep coming back" .

These baby steps forward are huge. Good for you.

"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55086 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 3

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