I do not know if this article has been posted recently (or at all). However, in my experience it offers an accurate, and concise guide to divorce with an NPD spouse.
Surviving Emotionally While Divorcing A Narcissist
By Cathy Meyer
If you are divorcing an NPD you will recognize a lot of truth in this article, which opens with this:
.... "the narcissist is completely self-serving and selfish." So, how do you get through a divorce unscathed if your spouse is narcissistic?
First let's consider some of the characteristics of the narcissist:
Has a need for admiration,
A need to be right,
A need to be seen as the good guy,
A need to criticize when you don't meet their need,
Is charismatic and successful,
Lacks the ability to feel remorse,
Has no conscience,
Has a tremendous need to control you and the situation,
Has values that are situational;if you believe infidelity is wrong, so do they,
Uses a facade of caring and understanding to manipulate,
Is emotionally unavailable,
Nothing is ever their fault,
Hangs onto resentment,
Has a grandiose sense of self,
Is not interested in solving marital problems, it is their way or the highway,
Is envious of other's success,
When divorcing a narcissist, Dr. Bansckick says, "he completely dismisses any of your needs, or all the years of devotion and mutual companionship that you had built together. Normal people remember the good from the past. It informs a sense of balance and fairness during a divorce (even through a betrayal). You may be getting a divorce, but that doesn't mean that you don't have valuable memories and a life story together. For the narcissist, it is all gone; like it never happened. You will have to understand this if you are to deal effectively with him. The narcissist can undermine you with your friends, with your children and steal your money, all while looking sincere and generating good will among the community."
Married 24 years -
2 fantastic kids!
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
WS + OW: Married and still together (as far as I know).