After 2 1/2 yrs of separation I have finally started moving my divorce forward. I never understood why she didn't do it herself but I made things very easy and comfortable for her. I finally got it that she will never be able to be with me again. Its really just so sad. We are very cordial, we share 3 kids and run in all the same circles, there is no trash talking or hurtful words. I am trying hard to be her "friend", I know I hurt her but her coldness still seems to hurt me back even after all this time.
I think our mediation will go well, we have agreed on most of the big ticket issues already- custody, money, length of alimony. I cover college blah blah blah.
I start seeing a great girl and am really making progress through therapy and just talking it out with friends. Prospects are great for the future. My kids are doing really well.
But...I am so sad for the kids, not having a dad who lives full time with them. I live 2 miles away, I see them all the time & they stay with me alot and feel love from both of us. I am strong but when it comes to them, my heart really breaks although I never let them see that.
I have a great relationship now, by anyone's measures I'm lucky to have a great girl like this who I have alot of feelings for. I just wish I could get over my STBX. She left me no choice but to move on so I have been trying...somewhat successfully. I look forward to the day when I wake up and don't miss her and the great family we had that I royally fucked up!
When I think about the things I did, the lying, the cheating I get physically ill now like who the fuck was I? I was never that way before & never will be again.
So many lessons learned the hard way. Moving on with the divorce, a normal relationship is the only way. Its just really so sad.
I have received alot of good advice here especially from BW's . I thank you all, it has been a real help.