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Timeline change....should it matter?

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27yearsnowlost posted 4/11/2013 10:01 AM

I am away with my WH and yesterday he told me that he was thinking that his first time wasn't in oct but nov or dec. anyway we were hit with hurricane sandy and took everything in my home. The part I'm struggling with is if he started after the storm it makes me feel even more hurt. It was the worst time of my life and now he saying that's when it was. I not sure how to feel. He is going to go to the cell company and get the call records to confirm it. I know he didn't have to tell me, he said he will not try to hide anything and want to prove that he is trying to help me in anyway. I guess my questions should it matter on the time frame? I just feel hurt more if it was after the storm.

Ashdeas posted 4/11/2013 10:11 AM

Sorry your here.. Any new small details are very important . I told my husband that even though the details you may find small are the most important, in order for us to start healing is to come to terms with how ? When ? Who ? And where ? Was this emotional ? Or long term because it makes a difference when it started.. If your trying to forgive him then it's wonderful to hear him being so open with you.. My husband is also very supportive with my emotions .. Hope we can help ...

27yearsnowlost posted 4/11/2013 10:18 AM

Yesterday was the first time since the storm that we we able to not think of rebuilding and sat by the pool before he had work meeting for 2 days. So he told me had had time to think of the time frame. I glad he trying. I'm just feel hurt more if the time frame is true. He has been truly trying his hardest to help me.

Ashdeas posted 4/11/2013 11:25 AM

As long as he is trying.. I keep asking the same questions over and over again .. But it never changes. I know that we have our own Scenerio on it. And that's the problem, we either listen to what they have to say and believe it. Or it won't work.. Hope you can get the answeres you need to feel okay with the time frame.. It probably hurts to know that he betrayed you in a time where you were very fragile and traumatized :( and knowing it started at that time would hurt, not trying to make excuses for him, but think about how maybe the storm happening triggered something for him and maybe if would have never happened otherwise..

27yearsnowlost posted 4/11/2013 11:37 AM

He still can't tell me may he did it. I just ask what was thinking about and he told me. He said he is willing to anything to help me heal.

inshockandhurt posted 4/11/2013 11:54 AM

I had a similar thing happen, not anywhere near as bad as yours but; I had a lot of painful and stressful stuff going on in my life right before my husband's affair started, family death, and a bunch of other things and I had a huge dental appointment where I spent 9 hours partially knocked out and had my whole mouth redone, it was literally like a nightmare and when I came home I was in so much pain and I cried and cried in his arms; he was so kind and comforting and loving, but now I find out that two days later he started screwing my best friend. For some reason, the fact that I was going through so much already and he willfully added more to my plate and didn't seem to care, really hurts; but if it is true that his affair had more to do with an issue within himself than I guess timeline doesn't really matter too much, because in a way, our waywards weren't really seeing us, their affairs really had nothing to do with us or what was going on in our lives, only with what was going on in their lives. Their broken coping skills led them to detach from their true selves and betray their values and beliefs and it really had nothing to do with us. I don't know if this makes any sense, I am still working it out myself but I thought I'd share and see if it helped you. I also agree with what Ashdeas said, maybe if not for Sandy, it would not have happened, perhaps the stress of having your lives ruined broke something in him and for whatever reason he chose subconsciously to deal with it by having an affair. I am just speculating, but I hope this helps.

hurtmywife27 posted 4/12/2013 08:51 AM


[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:17 AM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

Ashdeas posted 4/12/2013 09:07 AM

Just reading your post hurt twice, and it felt like I was listening to my own husband :( that is exactly what he says to me, it wasn't me at all it was him, and it is nice to hear that you are also doing and saying all the right things. I can totally relate and my husband is more hurt that he hurt me.. I am here for positive support and not here to put blame and here negative bashing a towards other husbands at all..hope everything works out for you both.

tushnurse posted 4/12/2013 09:36 AM

Awesome post Hurtmywife
You are owning it, and working on fixing it. You get it. I wish we would see more of that on here.

Kudos to you, and wish you much strength, and happiness in your future.

27yearsnowlost posted 4/15/2013 07:36 AM

So got the phone records.....well lets just say a lot more then WH told me. He still stands by that it only had oral sex twice but forgot to tell me about talking and texting on other days.

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