I will never let this happen again.
Sigh. Do you know how many of us believed that and said that?
Then one day, you are down, and distant from spouse, and along comes Mr. Fitness and asks you to go running with him.
And then you become acquantainces....friends, even. You even tell your spouse about this new friend.
You start having some attraction to this person. Until you slip.
You think you can dry knuckle it? Good for you. So did many of us.
That's actually a minor point because my bigger concerns for you are that after 2 years it sounds like you are still not owning it.
Why, after 2 years, do you come on here? Surely not because things are great.
Look, I'll give you a pointer so you can skip to the head of the class. None of us reformed Waywards believe that a bad patch in the M made us fuck around.
We take responsibility.
We own our shit.
Your wife wasn't happy...she didn't cheat. Many people are unhappy...but don't cheat. You made a conscious decision that it was OK to throw away 20 years. Forget the "for better or worse." You chose to be selfish and inflict horrible pain on your wife.
We have a saying here "the marital problems are 50/50 but the cheating is 100 percent on the Wayward."
You could have tried couseling before. Divorce. Talking. Yelling.
But you chose the easy way out at the time. To sooth yourself with a fitness trainer, as you pointed out.
By the way, I find the fact that you mention these seemingly desirable things about the AP a bit off-putting. Implying your wife is insecure. But really, wasn't that your issue? It doesn't matter if the AP is Kristen Stewart or an ogre. It hurts your BS, terribly.
I hope you can glean some real info here, not just make a few posts and promises.