I'd say I've been in mine for over 2 years. Part of it I spent drinking too much. Part of it I spent dating too much. Trying to 'deal' with the pain. And I was,in small ways, actually looking at myself, my contribution to the divorce, etc., but I was also seriously distracting myself from the 'real' NB stuff.
About six months ago I really changed a lot. I dropped the drinking and the dating dramatically, but not completely (I'm human!). I found a new and very helpful therapist and did EMDR. I guess I kinda thought I was 'done' - as we often do.
This week I've realized how conflict-avoidant I am and how poor I am at asserting my needs. This is true with coworkers, my employees, girls I date, friends. . . I have made small changes and been mostly aware of this but for some reason today it seems like I 'get it'. Monolithic, if you will.
Surviving infidelity, if you choose to pursue it, is the gift that keeps on giving. While it's hard to realize my my progress sometimes, we can nibble at our demons toward some ultimate success - all because we got dealt a shitty hand. That's pretty cool.
[This message edited by Gomphus at 2:49 PM, April 11th (Thursday)]