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Hurt all over again

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Quin82 posted 4/11/2013 22:50 PM

My bf and I were together for 6 years, always talked of marriage... Felt like we were married.
Throughout our relationship I found that he was online cheating. Never had proof that he actually met up with anyone but I wouldn't put it past him now. We 'broke up' and he moved back home and he swore he wasn't seeing anyone, isn't even remotely thinking of another woman etc.
I had a small glimmer of hope that this would change him and he would wake up and realize what he lost.
Earlier tonight I searched online dating profiles (I know stupid idea) only to find that he in fact was back on/still online.
I feel completely used and heartbroken again. He keeps telling me he loves me, but how can someone who says they love you do this?? It's hard to accept rejection and I'm having a hard time believing that this is actually who he is.
I don't know how to forget about him even after how many times he hurt me. I want to be over him so badly.

karmahappens posted 4/11/2013 22:57 PM

I am sorry you are hurting Quin.

Know 1 thing ...this has nothing to do with you! HE is broken. If he does want to fix himself he will need to get into therapy to find out why he is doing what he is doing. I am sure he has issues probably going back to childhood.

It is up to you to stay in a relationship with him or not...

It is hard to reconcile, they say it takes 2-5 years to recover...and that is with a completely remorseful partner.

I don't know how old you are or if you have kids, but think long and hard before you marry this person. You may spend your life wondering what will come next....or maybe he will get his shit together and fix himself, but you won't know that, really know that, for a while.

right now ...

It's hard to accept rejection and I'm having a hard time believing that this is actually who he is.

^^^ he is showing you this is who he is...don't accept that in your life, demand better.

I would get into some therapy and start healing myself..get strong enough that you will be fine if he goes or stays...You need to be ok with you.

You can do this, it sucks...but one day at a time.

(((hugs)))

Quin82 posted 4/11/2013 23:05 PM

Thank you Karma..
I'm 30 and he's 35.. Acting like a 20 year old. No thankfully we did not have any kids.
He said he is in therapy, but I'm starting to realize he's almost a pathological liar.
I know it has nothing to do with me, just hard when you give your heart to someone and they stomp on it.
There's no going back now, I would never trust him again. Just the hard part of trying to move forward. :(

karmahappens posted 4/12/2013 12:31 PM

It is hard to move forard, but remember this...if you believe this was a deal breaker for you then take a minute to be thankful you now know who he is.

You have plenty of time to heal and have an amazing life. Get into some therapy, heal through this and come out stronger on the other end.

And really...FTG... you deserve more. Go get it.

(((hugs)))

SkeerdButHopeful posted 4/12/2013 13:01 PM

You have plenty of time to heal and have an amazing life. Get into some therapy, heal through this and come out stronger on the other end.

Yes.

burnt_toast posted 4/12/2013 15:10 PM

Loving and needing someone are very different things. Just as words and actions are.

Let his actions show you who he is. Looks to me like he's pretty addicted to this online stuff.

I know how much it hurts to discover he's not the person you thought he was, or the person you planned spending your life with. You have to greive this person even if it wasn't actually really who he was.

Take time for yourself, do things you love, on your own or with dear, nuturing friends or loved ones. Take it one day at a time. Or even, some days, an hour at a time. It'll get better, I promise.

Hugs.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 3:11 PM, April 12th (Friday)]

exhausted lady posted 4/12/2013 19:12 PM

Earlier tonight I searched online dating profiles (I know stupid idea) only to find that he in fact was back on/still online

^^^ Please don't think that checking to verify things is a stupid idea. You'd said you had a "glimmer of hope". If you hadn't realized he was still acting out online (at the very least), that hope might have led you to more heartbreak.

I think it was a very smart idea for you to check. Knowledge is power.

Big hugs, and hang in there. Stop thinking of it as a rejection of you....it's simply a manifestation of how screwed up he is. It has NOTHING to do with you.

When you said he moved back home, does that mean he scuttled back to mommy's house? At age 35?

Honey, you can do SOOOO much better!

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