Topic: I'm just so glad it's over
Member # 30853
| Posted: 4:03 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Don't get me wrong. I would have preferred my exWH not tossed a grenade into the middle of my life so that I would have to endure some of the most intense pain and darkest days ever.
But, if it had to happen - which I think it was inevitable given the flaws and horrid personality traits that have come to the surface - I'm so glad it's over. Yes, I still have to deal with him because of the kids, but hes not a real involed parent so that's minimal. And yes, he's with OW so I have to hear about her skanky, stupid ass sometimes. But, again, the very worst is over.
I see some of the posts in JFO and feel so thankful I'm not back there anymore. The pain and suffering there is so raw. Now, more than two years out, i don't have to dig for information that I know would destroy me even more. I'm totally untangled from him financially and am able to support me and my kids. I own my home and while that is very hard sometimes with all the upkeep, I'm proud of that. My kids will have trouble with their father forever because of who he is, but I will always be there for them and they know that.
For my part in this horrible drama, it's over. I am free from him and he will never get close enough to ever hurt me again. Sure, some stuff still stings, but I am no longer crunched up in the fetal position crying my eyes out or throwing up in the shower every day.
It's over. It's all over and I don't even have to take my mind back there anymore. I can say with certainty that I loved the man I married. But, i hate the pig he is today. I would never even want to have lunch with him, let alone be in a relationship. He even looks markedly different than when we were together. He was the nice guy next door and looked like it. Now, he looks like a fat, bitter, dirty old man.
But its over.
I have no idea what life is gonna throw at me. None at all. My life as a single, working mom is still taking shape. I don't know what it ultimately will look like, but I know how it won't look. There will never be another man who will be allowed to trample on my accomplishments and steal my hard earned money. There will never be another guy who will be allowed to act like a guest in my house rather than a true partner. I will never blindly trust again.
Whatever happens in the future though, this awful part of the journey is over.
I can't begin to convey how grateful I am for that. The eye of that infidelity and divorce storm seems like it will never pass. But, as everyone here told me, it did. I am blessed with my babies, my mom, a tight circle of good friends and a good career. The toxic shit that I didn't even know was there, is gone.
BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.
Posts: 3472 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 34146
| Posted: 6:39 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Great post. I have been having similar thoughts recently. Yes, the pain of infidelity was worse than any pain I have ever felt; than any pain I had ever even imagined. I was certain I would never find happiness again, and I was contemplating suicide.
And now? I'm happier than I have been in years. I didn't realize how toxic my marriage was (due to the fact that he is extremely character-disordered) until after I had some distance. I put up with so much emotional and mental abuse and always just laughed it off or made excuses for him.
It's definitely a stretch to say I'm glad he cheated, but I am glad that I won't be married to him for the rest of my life. And a day before D-Day, I was convinced he was my best friend and soul mate. In fact, the day before D-Day, we had this wonderful conversation where I told him how happy I was with him and how I fall more in love with him everyday. The next day, my world was blown apart.
Funny how things work. I can't wait to really live the rest of my life!
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
Posts: 3994 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 21925
| Posted: 7:09 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
There will never be another guy who will be allowed to act like a guest in my house rather than a true partner.
This was the most important thing I learned. I want an owner of the marriage, not a renter.
BS 43 (me)
Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo
Posts: 1034 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 20150
| Posted: 8:21 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
I want an owner of the marriage, not a renter.
Great post stbm! You've come a long way in two years. Happy for you.
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Posts: 19704 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 30341
| Posted: 8:24 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
I loved this. Truth!!
DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Posts: 3827 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 36267
| Posted: 8:47 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Thank you...I needed this post right now!
Don't come around here no more
Posts: 665 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 33539
| Posted: 10:18 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Thanks for the great post! I'm working towards getting to that place as well.
S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!
Posts: 515 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Member # 38312
| Posted: 10:30 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Ditto npain!!! Everyday is just a smidge easier to handle this new reality.
Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...
Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Member # 31468
| Posted: 10:38 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Great post suckstobeme, I identify with your entire post, we have very similar timelines.
The only difference is that I don't have to interact with him almost ever because we don't have young children.
Hit two years from DDay in January, will hit two years from final D at the end of this month. My life has gradually become less and less about recovering from this mess, and more about what I want out of my life. Feels much better.
Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Posts: 5159 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 37946
| Posted: 10:48 AM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
I love your post, stbm! I'm getting closer to where you are, but not quite there. I can't wait til I feel thankful!
Me (BS)- 36
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie
Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Member # 38865
| Posted: 4:03 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
thanks for this post stbm.
I am looking forward to that day. Its still off into the future but it is reassuring to hear that it will come.
Just need to keep taking steps towards it one day at a time.
Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 35695
| Posted: 5:34 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown
Posts: 493 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 38735
| Posted: 6:04 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. I had a rough day that set me back a bit in my healing. I look forward to being at peace with everything one day.
BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Happily Divorced 9/20/13
Posts: 1230 | Registered: Mar 2013
|Grace and Flowers|
Member # 34431
| Posted: 9:25 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
Wow. What a great post, stbm! I feel exactly the same way....so grateful to have finally come through it all...alive and better.
"Absence makes the clarity grow stronger" - cantaccept
"A good man with good intentions has no reason to lie" - somer222
Posts: 1356 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Member # 33226
| Posted: 9:29 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
This is so wonderful to read, stbm. Just beautiful.
You can call me NIK
This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
― The Doctor
Posts: 36468 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 36144
| Posted: 12:23 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013|
And now? I'm happier than I have been in years. I didn't realize how toxic my marriage was (due to the fact that he is extremely character-disordered) until after I had some distance.
^^^YES! phmh, I had exactly the same reaction. I am only 7 months out from S and no one can believe how happy I am. I even talked to my IC about it, and asked why I can't stay angry, and should I even try. She just smiled and said detachment is a wonderful thing.
stbm, I am so happy that you feel this way and happy to read your post.
Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13
Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 32554
| Posted: 2:29 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013|
I've printed your words out and will carry them with me. So inspiring!
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 15088
| Posted: 3:19 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013|
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
Posts: 2200 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
|Topic Posts: 18|