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I'm just so glad it's over

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suckstobeme posted 4/12/2013 04:03 AM

Don't get me wrong. I would have preferred my exWH not tossed a grenade into the middle of my life so that I would have to endure some of the most intense pain and darkest days ever.

But, if it had to happen - which I think it was inevitable given the flaws and horrid personality traits that have come to the surface - I'm so glad it's over. Yes, I still have to deal with him because of the kids, but hes not a real involed parent so that's minimal. And yes, he's with OW so I have to hear about her skanky, stupid ass sometimes. But, again, the very worst is over.

I see some of the posts in JFO and feel so thankful I'm not back there anymore. The pain and suffering there is so raw. Now, more than two years out, i don't have to dig for information that I know would destroy me even more. I'm totally untangled from him financially and am able to support me and my kids. I own my home and while that is very hard sometimes with all the upkeep, I'm proud of that. My kids will have trouble with their father forever because of who he is, but I will always be there for them and they know that.

For my part in this horrible drama, it's over. I am free from him and he will never get close enough to ever hurt me again. Sure, some stuff still stings, but I am no longer crunched up in the fetal position crying my eyes out or throwing up in the shower every day.

It's over. It's all over and I don't even have to take my mind back there anymore. I can say with certainty that I loved the man I married. But, i hate the pig he is today. I would never even want to have lunch with him, let alone be in a relationship. He even looks markedly different than when we were together. He was the nice guy next door and looked like it. Now, he looks like a fat, bitter, dirty old man.

But its over.

I have no idea what life is gonna throw at me. None at all. My life as a single, working mom is still taking shape. I don't know what it ultimately will look like, but I know how it won't look. There will never be another man who will be allowed to trample on my accomplishments and steal my hard earned money. There will never be another guy who will be allowed to act like a guest in my house rather than a true partner. I will never blindly trust again.

Whatever happens in the future though, this awful part of the journey is over.

I can't begin to convey how grateful I am for that. The eye of that infidelity and divorce storm seems like it will never pass. But, as everyone here told me, it did. I am blessed with my babies, my mom, a tight circle of good friends and a good career. The toxic shit that I didn't even know was there, is gone.

It's over.

phmh posted 4/12/2013 06:39 AM

Great post. I have been having similar thoughts recently. Yes, the pain of infidelity was worse than any pain I have ever felt; than any pain I had ever even imagined. I was certain I would never find happiness again, and I was contemplating suicide.

And now? I'm happier than I have been in years. I didn't realize how toxic my marriage was (due to the fact that he is extremely character-disordered) until after I had some distance. I put up with so much emotional and mental abuse and always just laughed it off or made excuses for him.

It's definitely a stretch to say I'm glad he cheated, but I am glad that I won't be married to him for the rest of my life. And a day before D-Day, I was convinced he was my best friend and soul mate. In fact, the day before D-Day, we had this wonderful conversation where I told him how happy I was with him and how I fall more in love with him everyday. The next day, my world was blown apart.

Funny how things work. I can't wait to really live the rest of my life!

newnormal posted 4/12/2013 07:09 AM

There will never be another guy who will be allowed to act like a guest in my house rather than a true partner.

This was the most important thing I learned. I want an owner of the marriage, not a renter.

Great post!

FaithFool posted 4/12/2013 08:21 AM

I want an owner of the marriage, not a renter.

^^^yes^^^

Great post stbm! You've come a long way in two years. Happy for you.

better4me posted 4/12/2013 08:24 AM

I loved this. Truth!!

Bravenewgirl posted 4/12/2013 08:47 AM

Thank you...I needed this post right now!

npain posted 4/12/2013 10:18 AM

Thanks for the great post! I'm working towards getting to that place as well.

permanentpain posted 4/12/2013 10:30 AM

Ditto npain!!! Everyday is just a smidge easier to handle this new reality.

persevere posted 4/12/2013 10:38 AM

Great post suckstobeme, I identify with your entire post, we have very similar timelines.

The only difference is that I don't have to interact with him almost ever because we don't have young children.

Hit two years from DDay in January, will hit two years from final D at the end of this month. My life has gradually become less and less about recovering from this mess, and more about what I want out of my life. Feels much better.

Survivor3512 posted 4/12/2013 10:48 AM

I love your post, stbm! I'm getting closer to where you are, but not quite there. I can't wait til I feel thankful!

HurtsButImOK posted 4/12/2013 16:03 PM

thanks for this post stbm.

I am looking forward to that day. Its still off into the future but it is reassuring to hear that it will come.

Just need to keep taking steps towards it one day at a time.

MyVoice posted 4/12/2013 17:34 PM

Great post!

newlysingle posted 4/12/2013 18:04 PM

Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. I had a rough day that set me back a bit in my healing. I look forward to being at peace with everything one day.

Grace and Flowers posted 4/12/2013 21:25 PM

Wow. What a great post, stbm! I feel exactly the same way....so grateful to have finally come through it all...alive and better.

nowiknow23 posted 4/12/2013 21:29 PM

This is so wonderful to read, stbm. Just beautiful.

stillstrong posted 4/13/2013 12:23 PM

And now? I'm happier than I have been in years. I didn't realize how toxic my marriage was (due to the fact that he is extremely character-disordered) until after I had some distance.

^^^YES! phmh, I had exactly the same reaction. I am only 7 months out from S and no one can believe how happy I am. I even talked to my IC about it, and asked why I can't stay angry, and should I even try. She just smiled and said detachment is a wonderful thing.

stbm, I am so happy that you feel this way and happy to read your post.

Nature_Girl posted 4/13/2013 14:29 PM

I've printed your words out and will carry them with me. So inspiring!

LisaP posted 4/13/2013 15:19 PM

Great post!

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