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Trying hard to not go to the dark place tonight

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Survivor3512 posted 4/12/2013 21:50 PM

Four months ago today my divorce was final. And I'm feeling lonely tonight. I'm trying hard not to think about my x and how he's probably with ow tonight. I'm trying hard to keep from going there. I just feel really rejected and sad and hurt. If you can, please spare some PV's or prayers for me tonight.

lieshurt posted 4/12/2013 21:54 PM


Sending you prayers your way hun. :)

caregiver9000 posted 4/12/2013 22:17 PM

It hasn't been very long at all for you... If I am reading your timeline correct, you are 8 months out from dday? and from dday to divorce was four months and then four more to now?

It is hard to imagine you not feeling as you describe!!

It is small comfort but truly, TIME does make the new normal feel more normal.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

BIG (((hugs)))

and remember you called yourself Survivor so you know you are going to get through this.

Lifting you up tonight.

seekingright2013 posted 4/12/2013 22:18 PM

Positive vibes, prayers and mojo sent your way!

Survivor3512 posted 4/12/2013 22:51 PM

Thank you for responses. It helps to know other people, even if I don't know you in real life, really do care.

Yes, caregiver, Dday was 8 months ago and the divorce was final 4 months ago. A lot has happened really quickly.

Thanks so much for the prayers and PV's.

FaithFool posted 4/12/2013 22:56 PM


I was a hot mess at 8 months. Big hugs. It gets better.

Jrazz posted 4/12/2013 22:59 PM

Prayers and hugs to you tonight.


exhausted lady posted 4/12/2013 23:26 PM

Big hugs Survivor. After only 8 months - and all the trauma you've been through in those months - having a little attitude dip is totally normal. It's gonna get better.

I still have a random night every now and then when I get kind of lonely, but it's mostly been happening since my furbaby passed away. I think I'm missing her more than anything.

It's good (although not fun) to go through the stages of grief, heal, and then maybe dip your toe in the dating pool. You're doing it the right way.

Your X on the other hand...... is probably going to reap just exactly what he sowed....with the sow.

Kajem posted 4/12/2013 23:44 PM


The timeline for my marriage was similar to yours.

I suspected him of cheating and I asked him to leave 4/2003. He wanted the divorce done by 5/2003. We were divorced 9/2003. he married OW 2 weeks later beginning of 10/2003.

At first I was numb, and I think that was a good thing, because If I felt everything that was thrown at me I would have drowned. But when I started coming out of the numbness.. it was like being buried alive. So much, so soon.. so overwhelmingly sad.

It does get easier to deal with... with time. I promise.

The roller coaster didn't end for me for over a year.... I think it had to do with how fast everything happened.. I was spinning and couldn't get my bearings. Just as I was getting stable I got hit with something else that set me spinning again.

Hold onto us... we will help steady you.

Sending you prayers, peace, comfort and love.

Hugs too,


Survivor3512 posted 4/13/2013 09:02 AM

Thank you! I made it through last night and it really wasn't as bad as I'd feared at the beginning of the night. Thanks so much for all of your support! This site is such a lifesaver!

cmego posted 4/13/2013 10:55 AM

Yeah, it was a full year before I really even felt the light of day. I put myself into therapy and really focused on myself.

What I've learned:

1) If I have a bad day, go ahead and have it. Wallow around and allow the emotions to come up. If you stuff them down, they will come up anyway.

2) While I'm having that bad day, take care of myself. Cocoon. Don't worry about pissing off other people. Tell your friends you are not good and need to retreat and just be OK with it. Let them know when you are ready to talk.

3) I have learned to do things just for me. Silly, but...for example....take a bath with some good smelling something, a book and a glass of wine. Usually this will relax me, relax my mind, and I sleep better.

4) Turn to SI when no one else understands.

better4me posted 4/13/2013 15:33 PM

chiming in late with hugs and positive vibes. It does get better with time. I'm glad this morning was better.

(love your tag line--reminds me of Winston Churchill's saying "When you are in hell, keep going".)

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