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Mightymen posted 4/12/2013 23:50 PM

Well… This might be a long one. Been reading for many many months and this site has been helpful. I will admit however that I am saddened by the weekend when I see new threads and new user names pop up on my screen.
Some of what I read is so tragic. I guess it makes sense…. We often learn of these situations on the weekend. Well that was when I learned anyway… I can’t remember exactly when I found this site but glad I have… Always knew that I would register, but it seemed that reading and meditating on the struggles of others was what I needed to do during all these many months… Thanks to all that share and open their hearts for complete strangers to read. Amazing is all I can say…
Now… Let me tell you a story… A quite kid, soft spoken, well-mannered and honest. I was an athletic child that loved sports and dominated at all of them… My folks did not tolerate show boating and would crush any attempt I ever made to verbalize my dominance…. They stressed actions are all that is required and a 110% effort in all things. Humility ruled my younger years which was wise. I struggled academically but I exceeded by intense effort and drive. Never really thought about it until know… School and college were extremely difficult for me.
I’m a young man and with small children. Of whom one is seriously ill. A young son still in diapers that is amazing and has taught me volumes about everything… He would teach his dad so much by simply trying to survive. He would spend half of his young life in a hospital fighting daily simply to breathe, too weak to eat and yet he would amaze us all with his might and willpower to survive. He is an inspiration to many and I must admit I am humbled by his hunger for life. He is my hero. I prayed so much and so hard and told anyone that would tolerate it – “to just pray for my son”. Prayer is a powerful thing. I believe the most powerful of all things….
Shortly after I would be on the receiving end of even more tests. My wife would decide to have an affair. I would learn of some inappropriate interactions with an ex from her teenage years. When confronted the flood gate opened and she admitted what had happened. The numbness I would feel still lingers so many months later… I have buried both my parents almost as a teenager, fought my way through college while working full time, battled through the corporate world and watched helplessly my only son fight like a dog to survive and this is the most pain, despair and utter anguish I have ever experienced. This cuts deep and will be felt by all who call me a loved one and the effects immeasurable. The act of infidelity is so astonishing to me that I must remind myself every day of the reality of which I am witnessing. I have 180’ed on steroids. This is such an unacceptable act that I have had extreme difficulty accepting this but know I most. My in-laws where contacted immediately and informed of the situation. The next several months I was in complete denial and was very numb and stopped eating or doing anything that would bring me joy. Struggled at work and with just everything in general. Was this a nightmare??? Was this real?? Have I lost 30 pounds in just a matter of a couple of months??? The reality of this compounded by the renewed emotions of missing my folks and the ongoing fight my son was battling brought me down to my knees…….. I had no fight in me anymore – I could only pray… Prayer and fellowship with other men slowly brought me back… Day by day and week by week my confidence progressed and I started to change my attitude in a big way… Betrayal of all the emotions I have experienced is the most difficult to process and to accept… I am not victorious yet but have the confidence I will win this battle. The stress is so intense I am shocked I still have my job… I was ill for about 6 months… Passed out and landed in the ER… Been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which I feel I am controlling well…. My aggression and anger levels have been difficult to manage and has caused some serious tension for the wife and in-laws… After some cool off time I decided that I would give the gift of reconciliation and yes this is the gift of all gifts… This has been an extremely difficult process. My in-laws think the reigns are too tight which resulted in a confrontational situation for as I simply don’t care. Reigns are tight and will remain tight and if that is not acceptable to the wife and or her folks then there is the door. The wife has lost all decision making privileges as well as trust, faith and any benefit of the doubt. Lets call this probation. See what I am talking about!!! I’m getting angry just typing this… My adrenaline levels are better now but they are always very easily assessable. I better stop this post cause I’m getting worked up so I will go burn a few miles on my Harley.

By the way.. I’m not the mighty man…………………………………………………. My precious Baby Boy is…

Be well and God Bless you all… Men remember------ Iron sharpens Iron…

Jpapageorge posted 4/13/2013 00:23 AM

Welcome Mightymen. Thank you for having the courage to register and join the best club you never wanted to join.

I am not victorious yet but have the confidence I will win this battle.

That is a great outlook. Keep fighting the good fight. I will go burn a few miles on my Harley.

Just remember to keep the shiny side up. Prayer while riding has helped me through a lot of tough times. My favorite church is The Church of the Back of the Bike.

Your precious Baby Boy will grow into a good and decent man because he has you as a role model.

Hang in there.

Happydays posted 4/13/2013 03:09 AM

Welcome @Mighty Men.
Your story is touching and inspiring.
Sadly, the leash has to be tight. No other way. Hang in there. Take care of the little fella. He'll be in my prayers.

livebythesea posted 4/13/2013 06:44 AM

"The things which are impossible with men, are possible with God"

What you cannot handle on a daily basis, pass it on to God with open arms, He will take care of you.

That is an absolutely well written "story". I feel like I know you. What are you trying to forgive, is it forgivable?

God bless your little one! My son had a brain tumor at the age of 4. Was operated at 5. Many specialists told us his maximum life expectancy was 10 years. That was 20 years ago.

heartbrokennlost posted 4/13/2013 07:41 AM

Welcome Mighty Men. I am sorry you have been thru so much. I know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but come on, enough is enough!

I too have had my share of heart ache. My 18 year old son has an incurable, untreatable disease. He's mildly affected in the scope of his disease, if there is such a thing but it's slowly degenerative. We knew when he was born, that something was wrong, but doctors couldn't pin point it, it took nine years and hundreds of doctor appointments later to finally get his diagnosis. Although, he isn't gravely ill, this disease affects every single organ in his body. He has had numerous surgeries in his short life time. It affects him mostly physically but also intellectually, he's mildly mentally impaired. I'm 43, but I'm physically more capable than my son, who cannot walk long distances. it took me a long time to come to terms with his diagnosis and the reality of his future; I have been in and out of therapy ever since and on AD's. I have come to accept several things. First, he will always live with me and never work. His future will be filled with many more surgeries and pain. And, I will out live my son.

That being said, he is one of the greatest joys of my life. His spirit and strength amaze me. His innocence is a breath of fresh air, especially now.

During this long, I've gained strength. I'm 43 years old and I feel like I've lived a life time. My Ex husband also has MS. Looking back, I think all the stress caused the break down of our family.

I never thought life could get any harder, until recently. The pain I've experienced in these last six months, is the worst I have ever felt, if that makes sense. With my son, there was an acceptance. There was also getting involved with the nonprofit that supports his disease. I think that gave me some sense of control in a world that I felt helpless.

But now, I don't have any idea how to deal with this betrayal. I just can't get past it. I used to feel strong and confident. Now I feel weak. I'm reduced to begging for information. I haven't had the strength to stand up for myself.

I hope I haven't hijacked your post, that was not my intention. I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone in your situation. Bad things happen to great people. Why, I'm not sure, that's just the way it is. I often think, is this some kind of test? At one point I screamed at my husband, asking him why did he do this to me, didn't I have enough heart ache in my life? I'll never understand the why, other than in reality, he's the weak one, not me.

[This message edited by heartbrokennlost at 2:40 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]

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