Welcome Mighty Men. I am sorry you have been thru so much. I know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but come on, enough is enough!
I too have had my share of heart ache. My 18 year old son has an incurable, untreatable disease. He's mildly affected in the scope of his disease, if there is such a thing but it's slowly degenerative. We knew when he was born, that something was wrong, but doctors couldn't pin point it, it took nine years and hundreds of doctor appointments later to finally get his diagnosis. Although, he isn't gravely ill, this disease affects every single organ in his body. He has had numerous surgeries in his short life time. It affects him mostly physically but also intellectually, he's mildly mentally impaired. I'm 43, but I'm physically more capable than my son, who cannot walk long distances. it took me a long time to come to terms with his diagnosis and the reality of his future; I have been in and out of therapy ever since and on AD's. I have come to accept several things. First, he will always live with me and never work. His future will be filled with many more surgeries and pain. And, I will out live my son.
That being said, he is one of the greatest joys of my life. His spirit and strength amaze me. His innocence is a breath of fresh air, especially now.
During this long, I've gained strength. I'm 43 years old and I feel like I've lived a life time. My Ex husband also has MS. Looking back, I think all the stress caused the break down of our family.
I never thought life could get any harder, until recently. The pain I've experienced in these last six months, is the worst I have ever felt, if that makes sense. With my son, there was an acceptance. There was also getting involved with the nonprofit that supports his disease. I think that gave me some sense of control in a world that I felt helpless.
But now, I don't have any idea how to deal with this betrayal. I just can't get past it. I used to feel strong and confident. Now I feel weak. I'm reduced to begging for information. I haven't had the strength to stand up for myself.
I hope I haven't hijacked your post, that was not my intention. I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone in your situation. Bad things happen to great people. Why, I'm not sure, that's just the way it is. I often think, is this some kind of test? At one point I screamed at my husband, asking him why did he do this to me, didn't I have enough heart ache in my life? I'll never understand the why, other than in reality, he's the weak one, not me.
[This message edited by heartbrokennlost at 2:40 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]