Jrazz - BS - 35
First of all, don't ever feel guilty asking for help. In a normal, healthy relationship it WOULD be a bit much to be constantly telling your partner that you're hurting, but this this is different.
My FWH needs a fireworks display to "get" that there's something going on with me. At first it was embarrassing and hurtful that I would have to announce that something very obvious had triggered me, but counseling helped us meet in the middle for these types of things. I HAVE to tell him if I want support. It's who he is and how he processes things. Not a drop of empathy, although if someone comes to him for help he'd do it in a heartbeat.
Throughout our relationship I thought he was just selfish, but his doctor went to far as to say he seemed to have a very light case of Aspergers Syndrome. He literally has a chemical disconnect between life events and how they might make someone ELSE feel. That plus FOO issues, namely his alcoholic father who doesn't care about anyone but himself, sealed the deal on his kneejerk take-care-of-#1 outlook.
The way he meets me is by acknowledging my feelings when I come to him. He shuts out the rest of the world and pays attention to me if I tell him I'm hurting, and he makes me feel like I'm not crazy or needy.
The fact that it seems to be less a choice and more his makeup has brought me some peace in this, and the fact that he holds his end of the bargain by listening to me any time I need him to goes a long way.
If this sounds relate-able at all to you, maybe explore with your H how you can best react to your triggers as a team. It may mean stepping out of your comfort zone, but we only have what we came in with to work with sometimes.
I'm sorry you're feeling sad. If you can tell him you're sad and ask for a hug and he gives you one in earnest, then perhaps that's where the two of you can meet for you.
“I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there - that is living.” - Dostoyevsky