And part of me is hurt, I have attended that dinner for the past 8 years and knew that one day he would receive that award. He has received it but I won't be there. I have been there for every event the school has put on, from the award dinners, to the opening of the performing arts building. I have attended dinners with the professors, have had them over to the house. It was a part of my life which is now over. Abruptly ended when I found out about the affair. I was so easily and quickly replaced. And now SHE will be there, by his side. The cheap looking tramp in her high heel shoes, tight clothes and boobs hanging out. She will be by his side, hearing everyone going on about what a swell guy he is. What a great guy. Yes, what a great narcissistic, selfish, self serving, vampire that just uses people to suit his needs and when he does not get the constant attention, praise, touch and worship, you are out of there.
Part of me wants to crash the event. go around all the tables with all his friends, co-workers, boss and introduce myself as his wife (with a special introduction for skanky girlfriend) and make his squirm. But, I am trying to take the high road. If I do that, it just may feed his narcissism and I am NO LONGER HIS SUPPLY!!!!!
I have asked him to not call or text me. He stopped for a little while, his attorney was harassing me with papers that needed to be signed for the refinance, so PIG was getting what he wanted. He has started to text me again and has tried to call (when I don't jump every time his attorney tells me to) which upsets me, so I have changed my home and cell number. I have blocked his emails, so he can only communicate through the attorneys.
Every time I hear from him or just see that he has tried to contact me, I go back to Dday, knowing I am going to get slammed from left field again. I can't allow that to happen anymore.
Part of my motivation to do that was after he asked me to leave, he was emphatic that I answer the phone when he called. He told me several times to answer the phone when he called. While we were married, he could call me 14 times in a row if I didn't pick up the phone. So, it is definitely an issue with him. I want the attorney's to let him know, my numbers have changed, so he has no direct way to contact me anymore. It may not matter now, I haven't picked up his calls in a few months. But it will give me peace of mind.
I just need to get through today and this evening. Next week is his birthday, so there's another day I just need to get through. Our anniversary is on May 5, that will be a tough day.
So, how do you get through days like this, when you want people to know the truth about who he is, when you want to slap the whore that replaced you, kick him down to the ground and expose him for the lying cheat that he is????? I want so much for people to know who he REALLY is. I don't want his money, I want the truth to come out. I want to see the golden boy fall from grace. I want his reputation to go down because of the actions that he has taken. I want him to bear the consequences of his actions. Right now, he has his life - nothing has changed for him. He has the nice house, the nice garden, the nice cars, friends, job, ugly trailer trash, low class girlfriend. He has the social standing, revered place in the community. The smooth moves, the Brooks Brothers shirts, fancy car. It's all bullshit, all built upon a false foundation. He is but a shell of a man. A liar and a cheat. A MAN WITH NO INTEGRITY WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THE AWARD HE IS RECEIVING!!!!
When does the truth get revealed??????
[This message edited by Dawn58 at 9:44 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]
If he cheated on you, he'll cheat on the girlfriend, too. It's just a matter of time.
So what if he receives the award. Do you remember who won in past years?
Celebrate that he's exiting your life. And don't let him live rent-free in your head!
Hmm, sounds like something that needs to be reported.
tells everyone that his wife left him and served him with divorce papers
Feel free to tell people you D him because you didn't like his GF.
People aren't that easily fooled.
That's all it means.
In the meantime, sign those refi papers if they're fair and do whatever you can to end the game and you'll get more healthy.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 4:17 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]
Karma will eventually take care of this guy. He will never be happy. He will always be looking for more and he will dump this new girl friend when he tires of her. He will get old and no one will love him.
In an academic community, surely you have mutual friends that you can tell the truth to and you know how fast that will get around.
The anger sometimes is just more than a person can bear, but I remember Ivana Trump saying, after "The Donald" dumped her.
"Success is the best revenge"
You need to do everything for yourself. Go back to school, get a make over, start socializing and having fun, etc., etc.
He was lucky to have you and you are lucky that he is gone. You will find someone who values you and won't be whining about you answering the phone. Lord what an ass.
Hugs and keep coming here. This is the best place in the world to vent and you will get all the love and support that you need.
Even if you don't need his money you may someday. If not you can be the one who lives honorably and you can help others with it.
I am so sorry you are going through this trauma.
Now I see that most people he interacts with either don't care about him, or w/in the timeframe of 6 months to a year, put distance between themselves and him. Oh, nothing overt is ever said, he's not cut dead, but truthfully, it's the reason he has to monkey swing from one new OW to the next is and one new job to the next ... I was the only sucker who stuck around for years. Most people don't.
I want his world to come crashing down! I want people to stop being fooled! But at least I know that in the end, that people do figure him out.
Given what your husband does for a living (& I can figure out who he is from details in your post so you might want to remove the university name) he's a schmoozy charmer. That's part of how he does his job, and part of how he's survived mergers/buyouts of his firm. So people schmooze with him. But I bet they don't get close. I bet they use him just like he uses people. So let Mr. Super Tan Headshot be the empty vessel who is never filled. Thank god that's no longer your role.
You aren't left out tonight. You stepped away from falsehood. Hold your head high. You deserve to.
The ONLY way to deal with a Narcissist is through your attorney.
Have your attorney go for everything you are legally entitled to and DO NOT have any side discussions with your WS. Stay completely NC.
Don't think people don't see what's going on. You are STILL legally married. And most people would find it rather "bold" to bring a girlfriend to such a public event. You will find as time goes on that most people are quiet about their opinions in these types of situations.
I know it's upsetting and oh so hurtful. But believe me, the light will eventually shine on the truth. But you must NOT engage. If you do, the others just see the situation as a couple of crazy people going through a divorce.
You stay calm, stay NC with him, let him go out, act the fool, run his mouth, tell his lies, etc. In the meantime you work through your attorney. People will take notice and will soon say, "there is WAY MORE to this than what he is saying."
It will take time. My XNPDH ran around town telling everyone horrible lies about me (i was a drug addict, drug dealer, committed to mental hostipal, on and on) while he and OW and their BABY (OC) paraded around town like no big deal. We were still married! And people (some our friends) BELIEVED him. It was heartbreaking.
I had many supporters from the beginning. But lots of people believed him. It took years for the truth to come out. And once it did, people avoid him like the plague.
Although remember, there will always be the most dimwitted that will hang on to the lies of the Narcissist forever. But these aren't usually people you want for friends anyway.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
Find a way to live well and speak the truth to anyone who asks.
The next step - the much more difficult step? Is to go NC in your thoughts. Push him out of your mind and reclaim the real estate he's been holding there. It isn't easy, but you can do it.
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
You live in California - a State that offers ALIMONY: Play it smart and make sure the OW doesn't have a whole lot of money your're entitled to as a divorced woman!
Use your energy to protect yourself legally and ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!!!
Who really cares if your Cheating-to-be-EX-Husband is receiving some Alumni Award? What's he going to do with some paper award? FRAME IT?
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
Just a big hug for you - I have no words. I cannot imagine your pain.
I am so very sorry.
For NPD's, the world is stage and they are the main actor. But, it is so empty, it is a charade. Everyone in his circle are only bit actors (sorry, but really, your part was to serve him) to his leading role of Douche Bag. They mean nothing to him. They are just there to serve as a mirror of his awesomeness. The awards, money, cars, clothes it is all he has because it is all a charade for him. Smoke and mirrors. So. Very. Empty.
In the wee hours of the night, on the nights he can't sleep, he knows who he is, and he is empty and pathetic.
(((Dawn58)))) Be gentle with yourself. It has only been 4 and half months since d-day. Of course you feel all those negative feelings. It is so normal. Are you in IC? If not, you would be amazed what a few sessions of IC can do for you. Doesn't mean you have to go for months. Lots of times I just need to go a few times to get what I need from IC.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson