AH!! ive been dealing with an NPD boss and an incompetent under qualified boss underneath him who is my direct manager for the past year. here are some things I've learned:
Dont give in before you leave.
keep a record of everything he says and does.
win small victories every day (even if its just putting washing up in his coffee one day or swapping the sour milk into a fresh milk container just to ruin his coffee.)
I'm not saying bully him back - because you will never win, but just get small tiny victories to keep you smiling through the day.
if you know youre good at your job keep reminding him "noone else has had this problem... things have always worked smoother than this here before... im worried there isnt enough communication in this department etc...
flip it to HIM - there's clearly a problem, he is the one who is paid to manage problems, keep identifying the problem not ignoring it and suggesting ways to fix it.
no doubt he is used to women ignoring it, and trying to win him over. bullshit, you're not paid to win him over.
document it all, write it in emails, say it in meetings.
once you get a bit more strength challenge him (politely) if he says incorrect things designed to harass you in public spaces.
NPDs thrive on believing that no-one has the guts to challenge them.
if you know hes wrong, or he suggests something about you - ask him to clarify - "im sorry - what happened in your example? what are you getting at? i just want to be absolutely sure of what youre saying so that it doesnt happen again..."
NPD bosses like 'suggesting' things, and dont expect you to ask him to elaborate because then he might tell people that youre bad at your job - but youre not, so that cant happen, and therefore anythign he says to that effect is fabricated or a highly subjective interpretation.
use public meetings (witnesses) to then correct him and take control...
"oh but that isnt really what happened - what happened was.. x,y,z and now that we have cleared that up perhaps we can all learn and move on from it."
you will never ever beat him in an argument, or make him change his mind, but you can assure him through your strength that hes picking the wrong girl to harrass. quote employment legislation if you need to. suggest that youve been talking to solicitors if you need to, and do - take a case if you need to and can afford to.
my NPD boss actually asked me to resign after a particularly bad period of bullying,
I refused and told him it was the best learning experience of my life and i was perfectly happy to be there- if he had a problem managing me then we would need to address that in an adult way, but as yet i hadnt seen any evidence of anything he wanted to address.
he later tried to fire me but HR thought twice when they saw my lever arch file of evidence refuting everything he said about my work, and 20 pages of harassing quotes from him.
They did demote me but retained my salary, ridiculously now hes still trying to get me to do my old job, to which i keep refusing. i wasnt good enough to do it, so he should do it, i keep telling him.
record everything, say everything with a smile in a professional manner.
another good trick i found was cutting through all the ego shit mine and his, and concentrating on the common goal - so producing a good project is the common goal, for example. refuse to get drawn into arguments or discussion on anything that doesnt move the discussion forward to achieve the common goal.
the good thing about that attitude is that you can justify everything you say in a professional capacity, it becomes very apparent to other people if he isnt being professional and you are.
This drives them mad, because NPS are all about their egos.
they think their view is automatically right because they rank higher.
keep professional, keep smiling at him. don't feed his ego by letting him know you are annoyed or even reacting to his ego at all.
you are only paid to deal with his professional requirements, not to feed his pathological ego needs.
get the job done well, and win small victories where you can.
I just found out that NPD boss didn't get his promotion and will leaving us this summer ( I'm not sure its entirely his choice but hell spin it that way of course, we all smile knowingly. small victories, fuck the ego, do the job)
good luck! (((((Hugs)))))