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User Topic: New here...
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soo here's my story... I have been happily married for 10 years, together for 12. I have 3 beautiful daughters ages 4,7 and 9. Everything in our marriage was amazing. We just built our dream home 3 years ago, and just finished purchasing a vacation cottage at a lake we spend our summers at every year. My husband went on a trip to Vegas with his parents and 3 bros for a weekend in oct /12 and ended up talking to a woman and getting her number. Two days later he called her to meet up and spent the night dancing and ended up back at her room at the Venetian and had sex. He left to come home the next day and proceeded to start calling her. (she is from Austin tx) At the end of nov a friend of ours invited my husband to go on a trip he won to San Antonio tx and my husband went. I have now found out he took a taxi (after his friend went to his room) 1 1/2 hrs tonaustin and spent the night with her. He continued texting and talking all through Xmas until I found out at midnight on new years when I saw a text she sent him saying " thanks baby I will drive safe". He admitted to just talking to her and said he tried to see her in Texas but he couldnt make it work. But on jan 22 I found a call on our phone bill to me from Austin tx so I knew he had met up with her. I confronted him and he admitted to having et up with her and having sex. I have never felt pain like his before in my life. We are in MC and he is completely remorseful. He doesn't know why he did it. He says he still loved me and was completely happy in our marriage. The only reason he can think of is that he was caught up in all the compliments she was giving him and he couldn't believe she was interested in him. (especially when he told her he was married with three kids when he met her). He said he felt no guilt while he was doing it, that he didn't think he would ever lose us ( that is hard for me to believe) I love this man more than anything in this world and honestly I have never seen him cry or break down as much as he has since this happened. He is completely transparent and has been more than willing to do anything I ask of him. I am just having sooo much trouble getting over this. I have always said that If my spouse were to cheat on me I would leave because obviously they don't love me. So now it feels like I am not being true to myself. I have talked to and texted the OW and she is completely unremorseful telling me that she is hurting too, and that I should go take care of my f&$king kids and leave them to be happy together. Thank god she is 5000mileas away because I don't think I could do his if she lived near us. Thats it in a nutshell


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
permanentpain
♀ 38312
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is devastating to deal with betrayal and I personally found the fact that everything in our life was going well that made it worse because it took me totally by surprise. No inkling, no change in behavior, just a happy go lucky guy with his family, NOT! It seems like your husband is doing the things he should do. So now focus on taking care of you. IC if you can afford it in order for you to sort out this mess of feelings. NC with the OW, all she will do is make you feel worse. Don't give her any power over you. Sorry you are here, but the advice and support is wonderful. Blessings to you and your family. ((butterfly))


Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Divorcing
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
noprincess
♀ 38660
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Butterfly7904,

So sorry you are here. I know you are in deep pain and possibly even more confusion. All that is normal and to be expected given the betrayal you have endured.

Don't be too hard on yourself right now. I think all of us have been in the position of thinking that if our spouse betrayed us, we would leave them - that for us cheating is a deal breaker. However, real life, real relationships, the investment of time, love and children often alter the equation. That is why you need to take time to process all the factors in your situation and make informed decisions based on your H's actions, not just his words or feelings.

I would add not to give the OW any power or oxygen by contacting her in any way. She is NOT part of your marriage. Give no ground here and demand NC from your H as well.

Things are slow here on the weekends, but I'm sure the vetrans will be along to offer more wisdom. Listen to them. Read the Healing Library and keep posting. Everyone here cares about you and wants to help you through this.

Hugs (((Butterfly7904)))

[This message edited by noprincess at 5:34 PM, April 14th (Sunday)]


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
30Rocked
♀ 38781
Member # 38781
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. Personally, I'd recommend reading the "Shattered Vows" article in the Healing Library. I didn't think I could stay with a cheater either, but the article at least opened my mind to working through it.

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: 30Rocked
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah sweetheart, I am so sorry that you have the reason to find us here, but I am so glad that you DID find us for support.

If you have not already, please look in the upper left corner, at the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library and start reading. It's full of really good articles for you. Also read any post on this forum that has a bulls-eye on it. Also good information.

This affair has nothing to do with you. It has to do with your WHs brokenness. If he is as remorseful as you say, there are a few things that you and he need to do immediately.

1. Draft a letter (email) of NC (no contact). This should be simple and to the point.
OW, I have made a grave mistake. I do not love you. I love my wife and my family. Do not ever contact me again. I never want to hear from you again. WH Send it. If you Wh has any hesitation about this, show him your email from OW that tells you to Go To Hell with you Fricking Kids. If he hesitates after that, boot him out of the house.

2. He gives you complete transparency with all of his electronic devices. You get his passwords to his phone, his computer, SKYPE, any IM service, his bank accounts, etc. Anywhere that he might be able to contact the OW or hide money from you.

3. He sees an IC/MC immediately. One who is experienced with infidelity and whose mission is to get to the bottom of issues and preserve the marriage.

If he violates any of the above, then you have a tough choice, but one that if you waiver on, will cause you on-going pain and suffering. You need to cut him off. From the 180 and detatchment, to in-house separation, to booting him out, and in all cases, seeing a lawyer to find out what your legal rights are for yourself and to PROTECT your children. If he is not crawling on his knees to agree to whatever you need to have the possibility to save your marriage, then you need to act in a cold, swift, and sure manner. Because a pod-person has taken over your WH. He is not the person who you married. You must protect your family from that pod person until it regains it's mind or until you have successfully protected and separated your family from it.

Harsh words, I do know. I'm so very sorry. But no matter what you did or did not do in your marriage, he chose to insert a nuclear blast into the middle of it. Contain it, or suffer radiation burns. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5255 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
dameia
♀ 36072
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi butterfly,

I'm sorry you are hurting right now but I'm very glad you found us. There are a lot of people on this site that have been in your position and we will give you all the support you need.

It is good that your WH is completely transparent and I hope that he stays that way. It will be instrumental to your healing.

Please do not contact the OW anymore. It will just hurt you and give her the ego boost she so desperately wants.

It sounds like your WH is a compartmentalizer. My WH is the same way. He also said it never occurred to him that he would damage our M because he was sure I would never find out about it. It sounds stupid, but it is what it is.

There are many articles on this site that will be helpful to you and some that will help your WH realize how you are feeling and the devastation he has brought to your M. You can find them in the healing library.

Please continue to read and post. We are here for you!


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.


Posts: 1212 | Registered: Jul 2012
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you everyone who has responded...I still cant believe this is happening. Skan..thank you so much, my WH did call her infront of me a few hours after I found out and told her that it is over and that he chooses his family and that he loves us and I am 100% confident he has not contacted her again. I have access to all phone records as well as I have been monitoring everything. i just cant stand the thought of having to do this forever. I am soo ANGRY sometimes, angry at him, at her at myself for trusting so much...Even though it has been a few months I think sometimes I am still in complete shock. He was everything to me. I treated him like gold and I respected him as a father and husband so much. He's not a flirt or partier, he has always been affectionate,loving and trustworthy.I guess it just took one night of drinking and a woman willing to hit on and sleep with a married man with three kids. He honestly has done EVERYTHING possible to make this right. Even going on his own to talk to my father and tell him how much he loves me and wants to fix what he has done. I guess its just my pride and anger that is making this soo hard to get through. I cant stop wanting to contact the OW.It really bothers me that he told her he was unhappy/ He says now he didnt mean it, just that he was saying that to her and himself to excuse what he was doing. I want sooo badly for her to see that he does love me and what a POS she is. But I do realise that she is selfcentered and will probably never see herself the way I see her. I found her facebook and twitter and she posts pics of herself daily, and I cant stop looking. My MC said to stop that it is not helpful in moving on but i feel like I need to for some reason. Im still triggering daily over any mention of Texas, Vegas or the songs they sent to eachother I cant turn the radio to country because she loved country and told him to download the new george stait song "give it all we got tonight" and i found it on his phone. Our MC thinks Im stuck and need to figure out a way to move forward so we have a chance. I just cant stop going over the details in my head. I asked him about everything from positions to detailed conversations. Things like him talking and texting her xmas eve and morning, my birthday, new years, before and after our girls xmas concerts,that stuff REALLY bothers me, as well as all the pics he sent her of himself and even some with our girls. Sorry to vent, i guess I am still stuck. lol


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you have to join this club. My STBXH's whore is from Texas too (Houston). Must be something with Texas and skanky homewreckers!

I hope you can find the support you need here while your trying to reconcile. I don't have any advice is my WH wanted the divorce and is moving his Texas skank here to live with him. We are divorcing.

ETA: I have triggers about Texas too. When I saw in the news the other day about that mass stabbing at the college in Houston, I got sick to my stomach. Not only because of the crime, but because it happened in Houston.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 11:56 PM, April 14th (Sunday)]


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 986 | Registered: Mar 2013
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Newlysingle... I'm soo sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how painful this would be for me if he had chosen her over us. I already feel like I am at my limit! I saw that in the news too and had to turn the channel. Is it just me, or does it seem like Texas is mentioned everywhere? I live in Canada and even this far away I see it everywhere! Thank you for sharing your story with me... I don't feel quite so alone anymore.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
PanicAttack53
♂ 34195
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are going though this and find yourself here. Please know you are not alone, and also that you've found a great support system to help you through this.

i just cant stand the thought of having to do this forever.

You won't. As horrible as this is now, It WILL get better. Time is going to be your new four letter word. But time is what is needed now. Time to take care of yourself... first and foremost. Time to ask the questions you need answered. Time to hopefully get yourself in IC. AND most importantly, taking this shitty mess "One Day at a Time".

I am soo ANGRY sometimes, angry at him, at her at myself for trusting so much.

I know, I know... but you need to realize that this is normal. This whole thing is a crazy roller coaster ride. Your emotions will swing in every direction imaginable for the next 4-6 months. Just try to hang on and not fall off during the ride. Do not beat yourself up over trusting him. That is what a person with morals and character does. We love and trust unconditionally so we never even think of suspecting anything bad about our life partners. That doesn't make us stupid. On the contrary, it makes us good human beings. NEVER beat yourself up over being a good person.

Even though it has been a few months I think sometimes I am still in complete shock.

YOU ARE!! Listen... you've just had your whole world blow up in your face. Who wouldn't be in shock from that!? As you continue to read here, you'll see reams of information on how this shock can linger and cause any number of mental and physical aliments. That's why it's of paramount importance to take the best care of YOU now that you can. Get into IC a.s.a.p. Don't be shy or afraid to ask your doctor for meds to help you sleep or for anxiety/depression. There is no shame in doing this as 90% of us had to in the beginning.

I am just having sooo much trouble getting over this.

This is also normal and you can't rush the processing your brain must go through because of it. On average, it takes between 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. Go to your local library or book store and look for a couple books named "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass and "Surviving Betrayal" by Alice May. Both will help you understand what you are feeling now.

I have talked to and texted the OW and she is completely unremorseful telling me that she is hurting too, and that I should go take care of my f&$king kids and leave them to be happy together.

No, No... AND Please! No! Do not do this anymore. Realize that this person is damaged and that you can not control that or her. Any additional contact with her will only serve to cause you additional pain and suffering. Allow her to just fade away and deal with her own broken, self centered life. She is not worth even a moment of your time as evidenced by your last conversation with her.

Good luck to you and remember to come back and post here as often as you need to. There are many here in all phases of your situation who are ready and willing to offer support.


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 926 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
PanicAttack53
♂ 34195
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple more things....

Our MC thinks Im stuck and need to figure out a way to move forward so we have a chance.

I think you need to get another MC a.s.a.p. I'm really serious about this. It sounds like your MC has no working knowledge of what it takes to recover from Infidelity. If that is the case (and from what you stated above it is) then FIRE your MC immediately and find one who is trained in dealing with Infidelity. DO NOT put up with anyone who says things like "you need to figure out a way to move forward." or You need to get over this already." Please know that is total bullsh!t and you do not have to listen to, or believe a word of it!

Im still triggering daily over any mention of Texas, Vegas or the songs they sent to eachother I cant turn the radio to country because she loved country and told him to download the new george stait song "give it all we got tonight" and i found it on his phone

This is also normal and one of the worse things to deal with in Infidelity. Know that you will continue to trigger for sometime to come. As you begin to process each trigger, they will begin to subside and others will then take their place. Also, don't be surprised if the triggers evoke panic attacks (see my handle). One thing that helped me with triggers was to try to mentally envision then associate something different about whatever I was triggering on. If it's Texas for you, when the trigger comes up, try and mentally envision flowing oil or cattle or cute cowboys... whatever will work to change the mental picture from bad to good by re-associating it in your mind.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 1:27 AM, April 15th (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 926 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ 35507
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything PanicAttack53 said!!! Listen to this excellent advice and get a new MC ASAP. This one hasn't got a clue about the pain of betrayal from infidelity and will not be of any help to you but may cause you more harm. Please do not go back to this MC again. You have been traumatized in one of the worst ways possible by someone you loved and trusted. You have to go through it to get over it. There are no short cuts.

Please get checked for STD's and also your WH needs to be checked as well. So sorry for you and your children. I hope he is truly remorseful and not just regretful, time will tell. How does he feel now knowing that he effed a whore that tells his wife to take his effing kids and go away to leave the two of them to be happy? I want to slap him for you.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Jospehine85
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found her facebook and twitter and she posts pics of herself daily, and I cant stop looking. My MC said to stop that it is not helpful in moving on but i feel like I need to for some reason. Im still triggering daily over any mention of Texas, Vegas or the songs they sent to eachother I cant turn the radio to country because she loved country and told him to download the new george stait song "give it all we got tonight" and i found it on his phone. Our MC thinks Im stuck and need to figure out a way to move forward so we have a chance. I just cant stop going over the details in my head. I asked him about everything from positions to detailed conversations. Things like him talking and texting her xmas eve and morning, my birthday, new years, before and after our girls xmas concerts,that stuff REALLY bothers me, as well as all the pics he sent her of himself and even some with our girls. Sorry to vent, i guess I am still stuck. lol

Hmmm. I think your MC lacks experience in this. I did EXACTLY the same thing you did. In fact, your WH's A sounds very much like my WH's.

I found out everything I could about MOW. Saw her Facebook, LinkedIn, every website she posted comments or reviews on and Pinterest. I was able to discern a LOT about her personality and also the fact that she had been stalking me online long before I knew she had existed.

Eventually, after I beat the subject to death (figuratively speaking) I got bored and have lost interest in looking at it. Oh yes, occasionally I have taken a look and have been happy to see where she got run over by the karma bus. But 11 mos out, I am not possessed by it any more.

I believe that it is better to stare at something until you are bored and looking at it no longer arouses any emotion. It's what the military does when it's training assassins. You WILL eventually stop feeling the need to look. At that point you WILL find the OW no longer takes up space in your head.

BTW, based on her comment, your OW doesn't give a darn about your kids. Neither did WH's MOW. They are in it for the game. "Stealing" a married man makes them feel powerful and gives them selfworth. You need to keep in mind how pissed off she is. She couldn't steal him away despite having a headstart in her "game". You have frustrated her beyond belief. She is miserable.

If you want to twist the knife, I would recommend making sure she could find you on Pinterest (or Instagram, etc) and that you post things that make it look like your life has gone on unaffected. You know, post pictures of possible decor for your master bedroom; Christmas ideas; family vacation ideas. Get the pic? Be subtle. Don't post anything that would make her think you are hurting or desperate to save your M.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1056 | Registered: Jun 2012
bunnie
♀ 38953
Member # 38953
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ladies have given you some great advice.

I don't have anything to add except:

I am so so sorry for you that you are going through this and I will pray for you!


Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2013
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you everyone for your advice and for sharing your stories, it is helping me immensley, i dont feel soo alone anymore. Just to clarify, my MC has been saying that I should be having more good days by now. (my husband tells her about every blow up or break down I have) She thinks I am doing it more to punnish him and make him show remorse...which if Im honest, sometimes I am.I have honestly put him through the ringer and he is still here but he's not sure how much more he can take without some hope of good days. This last week I have felt a bit better but I still have triggers and meltdowns. I have a hard time believing when he says he didnt think about me and the girls at all when he was with OW and how he had NO guilt then but now he is devestated and has soo much guilt and remorse


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
SeeThingsNow1
♀ 38241
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my hubby had his EA fling with an old canadian hag and I am from texas and cant stand to hear anything about canada lol they are everywhere everywhere.....

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jan 2013
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seethingsnow1...LMAO they are everywhere..sorry on behalf of my country, please dont hold it against ALL of us.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Jospehine85
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify, my MC has been saying that I should be having more good days by now.

You are only 3 mos out. She's wrong. Eventually, yes. With time you will notice a trend towards improvement and more good days.

It will get better with time. Just don't let anyone pressure you into a timetable.

Hugs


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1056 | Registered: Jun 2012
PanicAttack53
♂ 34195
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B7904,

Just to clarify, my MC has been saying that I should be having more good days by now.

OK, gently here... To tell you this being only 3 months out is not only dead wrong... It.Is.Insane!! You need to dump this MC NOW! She is ill equipped to deal with the unique issues regarding infidelity. She is also going to cause you more pain and suffering due to her ignorance. Please for your own sake... don't allow her to continue to make you the bad guy in this... because You.Are.Not!!!

my husband tells her about every blow up or break down I have

Gently again... this is total bullsh!t and straight out of the cheaters handbook. It's a tactic used by them to deflect from the real issue. In SI speak this is called "Blame Shifting", "Rug Sweeping" and "Compartmentalizing". Any therapist with a working knowledge of infidelity would have called him out on this immediately. Since she didn't, you need to. Do not allow him to put this back on you!

She thinks I am doing it more to punnish him and make him show remorse...which if Im honest, sometimes I am.

Sorry, but this is also total hogwash. Punish him!? No sweetie... you're beating yourself up again here... and allowing a misinformed MC to do the same. You have every right in the world to feel the way you do.... WITHOUT regard for "his" feelings right now. If you really wanted to punish him as you say... you would have already seen a lawyer, filed for D, and be in the process of taking him for everything he's worth. BTW, you have every right to do that as well. The bottom line here is that he should be thanking you on his knees for not kicking him to the curb already.

he's not sure how much more he can take without some hope of good days.

OK, he's kidding on this one right? HE'S.NOT.SURE!!?? I've gotta tell you, this is a very cruel statement coming from him at this stage. So let me get this straight in my mind... (because I have to tell you it makes no sense to me at all). He cheats on you, lies to you, tells you he felt NO guilt while doing it... and THEN has the stones to whine about not having any good days!? Well boo freakin hoo for him. The poor misunderstood baby.

Please wake up Butterfly. He is NOT the victim in this... YOU ARE! You are the betrayed party. You are the one who has had their world explode. You are the one who has had her safety net cut out from under her. You are the one with the triggers and suffering from every other malady that comes from betrayal. Sorry but his statement reeks of self pity, and is nowhere close to remorse.

Until he comes out of the fog and realizes that HE alone blew your M up by cheating, and does everything in his power right the ship to YOUR satisfaction... sorry but he doesn't get nor deserve any "good" days... And it certainly isn't your job to see he does.

I'm sorry if that last part sounded harsh. Over the last 2 years, I've seen countless BS's here suffer needlessly because they couldn't wrap their head around "who" was at fault regarding infidelity. You need to know this and let it sear into your mind... No matter what the M was like prior to an affair... it is NEVER the BS's fault the affair happened. Always remember this... you have 50% responsibility in your M. You have ZERO responsibility for his affair.


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 926 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Butterfly7904
♀ 38988
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...so i am having a breakdown. Tonight a woman tries to friend me on facebook from Texas. i realize it is the friend of the woman my husband slept with. She tells me that my husbands friend who was in vegas with him and texas was sleeping with her. They spent the whole weekend together..not just one night like my husband told me. So I went and told his wife and she is devestated of course. My husband came clean and said he had only been lying about the weekend because he didnt want to ruin his friends marriage as well as ours. He told me that they didnt use condoms and he did come inside her (sorry tmi)I cant believe how disgusting this is. Also the woman who my husbands friend slept with brought her two kids to the hotel in texas and got an adjoining room to share. its sooo disgusting and sick I cant get over it. My husband who said he has had NC with her since jan has now said he contacted her twice but only because i was sending her nasty texts and he was scared she would tell about his friend> Im soo confused! he said he meant everything he said in MC and that he is sooo sorry and disgusted with what happened and that he didnt want to keep lying but he didnt want to be responsible for ruining his friends marriage. what do I do? Im sooo hurt. i was finding it hard to get over the details of hime sleeping with her 2 times let alone a whole weekend? im soo devestated... i feel like i dont even know him?


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 42
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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