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Phoenix1 posted 4/14/2013 17:28 PM

He left about 2.5 weeks ago and we are not even talking at this point. The realization that my M is likely over has my stomach tied in knots and I have no desire to eat. I think I have eaten about 4 times since he left. Tried to eat last night and it came right back up. Yes, I am keeping hydrated. My question is for those that have experienced this. How long did it last? Even the thought of food makes me sick...

HeartInADustpan posted 4/14/2013 17:49 PM


It's totally understandable.

I'm 5 months out and there were many times I'd eat just a couple times/week! Just within the last couple weeks, my appetite has started coming back. Even then, I can't even eat a full meal. It sucks. That's only my experience, but I do know many of us BS's went through the same thing.

Hang in there!

livebythesea posted 4/14/2013 18:01 PM

Sweetheart, I hear you. It's been only a little over a week since my husband confessed. Take walks, try not to be alone, drink lots of water, vegies (if you can) energy. I make myself energy drinks, egg whites, fruits, milk. Taste great, no effort to gulp it down. Good for you. Have self respect, be honest with yourself. Pray, if you can.

Jrazz posted 4/14/2013 18:16 PM

I think it lasted about a month for me. It's scary, because it feels permanent, but it's really not.

Just take things in baby steps right now and don't push yourself. If anything sounds appealing at all, just go for it. I found that I'd be emotionally exhausted around 2am and finally hungry, so I had 2am grilled cheese and soup during my reintroduction to food.

Water is key right now. It wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about this. At some point anti-depressants may help you get back to some kind of balance.

I seem to recall that fruit was one of the first things that appealed to me too. Just an idea.

Hang in there. Sending hugs and strength.


burnedcanuckEMS posted 4/14/2013 18:34 PM

i lost my appetite as well after DD and wound up losing 30 lbs. My appetite finally did come back, I would say after about four months, but I am still not eating like I used to. I can't explain it. I just don't enjoy cooking for one person. I try to make an effort for the sake of my health but thats about it.

[This message edited by burnedcanuckEMS at 6:35 PM, April 14th (Sunday)]

LifeIsBroken posted 4/14/2013 21:00 PM

I went from a sz 12 to a 6 in the first five weeks after D-Day (Aug 2010), then to a sz 4 the following 2 months. My appetite returned maybe 3 months ago and I'm back in a size 6 & feeling more healthy than 2 years ago. The affair diet certainly was just that. I drank gallons and gallons of water and a LOT of milk.

maxine1 posted 4/14/2013 21:06 PM

I didn't eat hardy anything for about a month, My WH keep pushing food in front of me. It just made me sick, After about 2 months I was eating some again. I lost 12 pounds, I was a size 4 when I found out. Try to eat small things, Fruit, anything good for you.

Brokenheart777 posted 4/14/2013 21:24 PM

I started eating better after the second week. The only reason this happened was because I could feel the anxiety becoming overwhelming if I didn't. If I don't have breakfast before work I am unable to focus on anything. Eating became survival.

Perhaps that helps. Eating would calm me down. It allowed the anxiety to subside a bit. Without food it's a guarantee that you are going to feel worse. You are in survival mode. You ARE surviving and you WILL be fine. Cheeseburgers are my therapy

girlsbird posted 4/14/2013 22:02 PM

Try to eat in very small amounts and as frequently as you can. You need proteins, try some fruit smoothies with protein powder in them.

allatsea posted 4/15/2013 04:16 AM

The infidelity diet is the most effective way of losing weight quickly. It's not a diet I ever thought I would be on but here I am. I lost 28 pounds in the first month and another 14 pounds the next. I'm two and a half months in and although I am being force fed the occasional home cooked meal, I am still losing weight. Fruit, milk and vodka was the only thing I could face. Sleep patterns are still erratic. I still can't eat breakfast as I am too anxious in the mornings. I find that by early afternoon I dip and get emotional until I eat something. My WW has lost weight too so I know she is processing her own form of anxiety despite no outward signs of giving a shit.

Hang on in there. Someone said to me recently
"Remember, your life can only get better from this point and you will be happy again whereas your WS can only get unhappier, especially when they eventually realise the devastation they've caused."

I am starting to realise that my marriage, as I knew it, is OVER. Even if you reconcile, your old marriage is OVER.

27yearsnowlost posted 4/15/2013 05:35 AM

I'm on 5 weeks since d day and have lost around 10-15 lb and drop from an 8 to a 4. I still can't eat. I drink a lot of water and drink protein shakes if I can't eat. The thought of food just make my stomach hurt worse. The worst part is I need new clothes and have not desire to go shopping.

sparklingwater posted 4/15/2013 05:39 AM

I've survived on coffee, cigarettes and the odd piece of toast for the last month. Sad but true.

hurtsobadinside posted 4/15/2013 05:53 AM

I am so sorry for what you are going through. You did not deservie or cause this ,,,,you are not responsible at all and dont accept any blame. He is broken, has poor coping skills and no boundaries.

The advice to stay hydrated and eat and exercize is the best.
See your doctor if needed for a little help in anti-anxiety internest gave me Lexipro and it helped.
i waited 6 weeks between D-day and confrontation with my wayward wife. During that 6 weeks and many months,i also couldnt sleep, did fall sleep from exhaustion but woke up at about 2:00am and that was it.
I dropped 35# on the infidelity diet in 5 weeks. and also ended up in the hospital for 2 days with severe chest pains and inability to breathe. i thought i was having a heart attack.

Believe me is does get better but it will take time.
Look for a good therapist. YOu cant do this right alone.

The one we had saw me in IC and my wayward wife in IC sessions and we saw her in couples sessions. She helped my waywayd wife own her shit but it took a long time for that to happen I am one yr out since confrontation day..and i can say its finally getting better.

Read books..Not just Friends by Shirley Glass is one of the best. Go to amazon to buy, Go to the healing library here in SI
I am sooo sorry for your hurts and pain did not deserve this... i am sending you hugs and strength to get thru this..
it will take time and it takes time for your wayward to come out of the fog.
your marriage as you knew it is over....forever, he changed that by his decision and his own weakness in not knowing how to address with you whatever marital issue he had.
It does get better...and your marriage can become better than you had previously...please believe that...but it takes time and a lot of hard work by both of you.
I wish you the best in whatever decision you make...its important at this time not to make any major decisions.

me: 58 Faithful spouse
her: 57 WW
married 25 yrs
daughter- 23 yrs old
LTA (PA & EA) 7 yrs with former boss.
D day march 2-12
confrontation day april 2012
TT and continued contact until July 2012
today...can finally say were well into R

[This message edited by hurtsobadinside at 5:55 AM, April 15th (Monday)]

heforgotme posted 4/15/2013 07:44 AM

Try liquids. Soup, milkshakes, and especially those nutritional shakes if you can stand them.

It was easier for me to "drink" than to eat.

7yrsflushed posted 4/15/2013 09:58 AM

Try liquids. Soup, milkshakes, and especially those nutritional shakes if you can stand them.
It was easier for me to "drink" than to eat.


The loss of appetite lasted about a month for me. Then it was off and on depending on when I got TT or went on a dip. I lived off protein powder shakes for the 1st 2 weeks. I had no desire to eat but I could force myself to drink the shakes.

Excercising helps as well even if it's just walking. If it gets to bad go see your Doctor. I wish you the best.

callmecrazy posted 4/15/2013 10:03 AM

Empty heart...empty stomach. The feeling of pure emptiness. I suffer from the same problem. Crackers and soups help me through.

tushnurse posted 4/15/2013 11:29 AM

It's fairly common for this to happen as you can see from the multiple responses.

If you are finding you cant get any food down then get yourself some ensure or protein shakes. This will get some important calories in you.
If you can't do that, then you probably would benefit with some antianxiety meds. This will make it easier to eat. A trick that is frequently used in medicine, for those under stress, and weight loss that is unhealthy.

I too lost, a total of 40 pounds. Was able to keep it off for about 1 1/2 years, then I got happy, and it all came back.

((((and strength)))))

Phoenix1 posted 4/15/2013 12:46 PM

Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice. I simply feel so empty, at every level, and trying to keep the "I've got it all together" front for my kids is taking every ounce of energy I have left...

hurtsobadinside posted 4/15/2013 13:00 PM


in additin to what you said on integrity...
i would like to leave you with the following which is soo very appropriate for us faithful spouses

"There is no better test of a person's integrity than their behavior when they are wrong".

sending hugs and strength to you

Phoenix1 posted 4/15/2013 13:19 PM

Thanks hurtsobadinside. I really like that quote...

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