Right, so I crossed a boundary last week and only just realised that I had when my wife pointed it out to me earlier today. She's annoyed, and I'm slightly mystified as to why I didn't realise that I'd crossed a boundary.
This is what happened. I'm vaguely looking around for a new job at the moment, and was at a work event one evening last week. I was expecting to see an ex-boss of mine who I was hoping might be able to point me towards some opportunities. This ex-boss is a woman, which is what the whole problem is. Anyway, I found at at the event that she had broken her leg and so wouldn't be there.
So the next day I texted my old boss to wish her a speedy recovery. She texted back and we agreed to catch up sometime when she was back in action. There was no sub-text to this - it was purely a work-thing in my mind, and my wife had previously suggested that I meet up with this old boss to see whether she had any jobs going.
The thing is, this had stepped over a boundary I had agreed with my wife as part of reconciliation - that I wouldn't contact any women without telling her.
The problem I'm struggling with, is that I simply hadn't realised that I'd done it. This is because (a) I'd been thinking about this as a work thing, not a social thing (but obviously wishing her a speedy recovery brought a social aspect into it), and (b) I don't find her remotely attractive and never have (but obviously that's not really the point).
I then compounded all this by not telling my wife about the texts. She found them when checking my phone earlier today. The reason I hadn't was simply because I had been offered a different job that day and was excited and wanted to talk to her about that. And then I forgot. But also, and probably most importantly, I didn't think it important.
But all this is rather missing the point. Which is that I texted a woman and didn't tell my wife. Which crossed a boundary and broke a trust. And I did it without thinking that there was any problem.
I know the top-level "why" (which is that I had thought of it as a work thing). But this is quite hard because I met the other woman through work, and blurred boundaries in that.
Any thoughts / help?