I too messed up yesterday.
I was so proud of myself until then for staunchly protecting our boundaries.
My BH and I were talking with a group of people as we're away at the moment with a group. Anyway, one of the others started to talk about his wages, which I realised are about 3-4x mine. I joined the conversation in front of my BH about my wages and financial stuff. Nothing too specific but I said too much.
One of our boundaries refers to avoiding conversations regarding financial details. I blathered on until my BH stopped me.
I felt more comfortable in my BHs presence that I stopped really thinking about what I was saying.
I've worked on how interact with other men without my BH present and am vigilant as hell about intimate conversation involving emotions, etc. I have always been open about finances, but I know my BH hates me talking about it to others. In my relaxed state I stopped to think about what was important to him and that I have to protect that as much, if not more, than what I feel is private/intimate. I put me and my view of thing before him, something I haven't done in a long time. So sad and so ashamed.
The only thing that was different is how I handled the aftermath. I listened to him and apologised. I think that he has absolutely every right to be disappointed in me. It set us back again.
His biggest fear is that if I behave this saying front of him, then how do I behave in private. I'm so sad because I know I work so hard to change my boundaries and actions, focussing mainly on how I behave when I'm by myself. That doesn't mean i don't think about how I act when he is there too, its just I'm aware that my biggest weakness was intimate /inappropriate conversations one to one. I didn't start these to lead anywhere, I was just oblivious to boundaries that are healthy.
In the way in which I entered into the conversation yesterday I just confirmed my BH's fears he has about me genuinely changing myself for me, not just being more wary on his behalf,
Only thing is he can't see that i am aware, i am changing and i do protect out boundaries for me and us, nt just him. Based on yesterday's idiocy, why should he believe any different.
Changing every habit takes time and practice. I'm human and I messed up. I can change and I am changing. I just hope My BH can still see progress in me....
More work needed...
[This message edited by OktoberMest at 4:13 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]