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Survivor3512 posted 4/15/2013 09:53 AM

I wrote the below letter to myself a few months ago. It's a compilation of all the great advice and words of wisdom I've been given over the last few months. I pull it and read it every so often and it helps me. Maybe it will help others too- so I thought I'd share:

It is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to keep him from cheating or to save your marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage work. And he quite simply wasn't interested. His cheating is not about you, but about something missing in him. You cannot control another person's actions or feelings. You cannot change the past. As much as you'd like to, no amount of reliving those memories will change anything. Do not blame yourself. This is hard, because you assume that there must be something wrong with you if he can find happiness with someone else. But that happiness is an illusion. You don't need to concern yourself with them or what they are doing or why they did it. You can't make sense out of nonsense. It will make you crazy. Focus on yourself and how you can come through this a stronger, wiser person. It won't always hurt this much. The pain is temporary, so don't give up. If you hang in there, it'll get better. Be good to yourself and love yourself. Lean on God, your friends, your family. There are still a lot of people who love you and will be there for you if you let them. Most importantly, forgive yourself. You will come up with a huge list of things that if you'd just done x,y, or z, this wouldn't have happened. But, you have to realize that no one knows the future and you could have done all those things and more- and still been here. So be good to yourself, let go of him, let go of the past. You deserve so much more than this. There are better days ahead.

She11ybeanz posted 4/15/2013 09:57 AM

Thank you for this..... I can't tell you how many times I have relived those few months over before he decided to walk out on me the last and final time. And, me thinking that he loved me too much to ever let me go and wondering what was wrong with me for it to be so easy for him to walk away like he did and never look back! I still have moments of sadness, but its only been 3 years... but it has gotten easier!

Sometimes I just need a reminder that it wasn't my fault. I did everything I could.

Survivor3512 posted 4/15/2013 10:35 AM

Thanks, Shelly. I need the reminder too. :)

better4me posted 4/15/2013 11:10 AM

Beautifully put Survivor!

sheila0304 posted 4/15/2013 11:28 AM

Thanks Survivor for your words of truth and encouragement.
My exWS walked 3 years ago this month and the words that I remember most were from my then 20yr son. He told me "Mom, none of this is your fault".

SBB posted 4/15/2013 16:57 PM

This is great Survivor.

I have a list of phrases and snippets of advice and affirmations along much the same line. I haven't had to read it in several months but I'm at the beginning of False R season so I think I might need to pull it out again. Thank you for the reminder.

ManBearDivorce posted 4/15/2013 23:52 PM

I'm going to print this out and put it in my wallet when times get tough. Thanks Survivor! Sometimes I feel like I did not do everything I could and I blame me for it. But no matter what, It was all her to blame. Thanks again. Made me feel better now.

heavyheart1 posted 4/16/2013 17:27 PM

Aaannnddd...now I'm crying. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.