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Cant get past the details

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Butterfly7904 posted 4/15/2013 11:57 AM

I am having such a hard time not thinking about all the disgusting details. I will go a few hours or sometimes even a few days where I dont think about the details and then all of a sudden I do and it plays like a movie in my head until I am on the floor sobbing. This morning I thought about how he bought perfume to mail to her in Texas and he brought my 3 year old little girl with him when he purchased it and I just lost it. Crying, yelling and telling him to leave. He is doing everything possible to help me but sometimes I just cant see past the hurt and the details and I dont care about his efforts NOW. Ugh

catlover50 posted 4/15/2013 12:08 PM

Yeah, cause it just sucks.

But it does get better with time, especially if he is remorseful. I sometimes repeat "then/now, then/now" in my head. But there is really no way through the pain but just to go through it.

My fWH says that he feels like a different person now, and he certainly acts like one. So...since I want to be with this man in front of me I try to concentrate on now.

Doesn't always work. But it gets easier and easier.

Best of luck and hugs to you.

BaldwinBeauty59 posted 4/15/2013 12:27 PM

Yeah, me too and I am over 20 months out from DD. There are some times that the memory of what he did with her can still bring me to my knees in agony. He is back to being the man I met and married 34 years ago. So I pick myself up and thank God for that blessing. I get through it and these episodes are getting farther apart. Time and a remorseful spouse does help. We are still together and working on R. Try to think of all the wonderful things about him that he has done for you before A and after A. It will help you balance the pain with the man you know he truly is.

dameia posted 4/15/2013 15:47 PM

Butterfly I know exactly how you feel. I am still the same way, 9 months out.

I know it sucks to hear, but the only thing that will help is time. People on SI kept telling me that when I first got here and I didn't want to hear it, but it's true. There is no shortcut to get around the pain, although I keep looking for one.

Is there anything you can do to help alleviate some of this pain? Perhaps buy some of that same perfume and smash it in the street? I recently burned a painting my WH bought while he was in Thailand. It did help me feel better, even if it was just for a few minutes.

vistainc posted 4/15/2013 15:51 PM

I am about 5 months out and am having the same problem. I keep hearing that healing will get easier once I forgive my fWH for what he did and get rid of my anger. HUH???

How do you get past what they did? How do you ever feel like you really are special? How can they go from not caring about you to all of a sudden KNOWING you are the best thing since sliced bread? Why is it ok to get past it now that they are doing the right things?

I obviously am back in the anger stage and just can't get out. It is what it is....but it sucks!

dameia posted 4/15/2013 15:52 PM


vistainc, I also hit a HUGE anger stage around 5-6 months. It abated after a while, although it still flairs up from time to time. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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