The last several weeks at least have felt very... Nothing. It just feels like there's nothing between us. My BW told me weeks (months?) ago that she needs to distance herself from me so that she wouldn't be hurt by me anymore. I told her to do what she felt she needed to do, but I still loved her and hoped we could still make this work.
Now here we are. After 16 months of avoiding as many triggers as possible, basically forgoing television, movies, books, or any other forms of entertainment other than the Food Network or cartoons (even kids' shows like iCarly and Victorious were known to be triggery), it feels like we have nothing left but the kids.
We have nothing to talk about. We don't do anything as a couple. We take our oldest to hockey, we don't talk about anything but the kids. We go out to eat, we don't talk. She texts her friends or talks to the kids. I ask why she's not talking, she says that I'm not talking either. I say I don't know what to talk about anymore. I ask about her day, and I get a very short synopsis and my only safe topic is exhausted. she doesn't ask me about my day because my job is such a strong point of contention. since I work so much, it doesn't leave much room for her to ask me about anything else, either.
She seems happy when I'm not around. I am rarely happy myself. Yesterday I tried to initiate sex, or at least some fooling around. We have always had a good sex life and were always very comfortable with each other. I was really only trying because sex seems like the only thing we have left in common that we could both enjoy. And I have always been very turned on by my wife, even in seemingly inappropriate times. Well I was pretty handily shut down. I didn't get angry or do anything to particularly show my disappointment. I just felt more sad.
No talking, no sharing in any recreational activities, no sex... I'm not sure what's left to save. My BW doesn't seem to have any interest in doing anything with me whatsoever, so it feels like all that is left is to try and be a good man until she finally files.
I always wanted to be with her. I wanted grow old with her. I made horrible choices. Those two months have ruined our lives forever. This isn't a cry for help. It's not a "woe is me." I'm just describing what it feels like in our marriage now. Does anybody else feel this way?,