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Chefj9 (original poster member #38604) posted at 12:42 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
Last night was horrid. Woke up twice yelling from a dead sleep from bad dreams. Dreams are always about being betrayed or abandoned by WH.
I have been diagnosed with PISD, on AD's in IC. I do have moments that I'm ok, I smile and have peace for a few hours. But it's always just a short while before I trigger and spiral down. WH is always asking what he can do, tries to help. Right now, I think I'm going through an anger stage. I want him to help, but I don't want him to help. He tells me that I'll never understand the remorse he feels, because it overwhelms him. Idk, maybe I need him to verbalize it more. Every day, sometimes every hour I want something different. But in the end, what I really want is to feel safe.
ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 26,16, 15 and 13
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:23 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
I totally understand. I had nightmares for years. When I married my FWH, he woke me out of them for about 3-4 years, and it got to where he would sense me heading into one, would stroke me in my sleep, and I would never quite get into the nightmare. After DDay, the nightmares came back with a vengence.
I have to say that they are much lessoned. I still have an occasional one, but I found that the more trustworthy he acted and the more trust I started giving him because of that, the less and less the nightmares come. I look forward to a time when they are gone again. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 9:14 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
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