So for me coping isn’t a step by step process it is an action of being available and present for ourselves and those around us
I agree. I have discovered that you can't control your thoughts, but you can control your reactions to the thoughts. Being patient, compassionate, and mindful are the keys to coping with emotional suffering, especially anger.
I found the following book to be very helpful:
Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.