* I am a RS (Recovering Scumbag)
* Do as I say, NOT as I did. :-(
* I acknowledge the grace I have received. I know do not deserve it.
The following weeks after DDay, I thought my WH was definitely clingy. I don't know if he really was or I was just so used to being ignored that it "seemed" clingy.
I simply told him there are times I need alone. Unfortunately, our WS can be our biggest trigger sometimes. I had to be away from him and everything for awhile just to cry, grieve, be mad and figure out what direction I wanted to go from there.
It's wonderful that you are there for her, but she may need some processing time alone. Try not to be offended by that need. It's a hell of a ride on the coaster.
Hang in there.
"Your secrets keep you sick"
He also doesnt want to eat lunch alone, but he has stopped going to lunch with his co-workers (even tho the one he cheated with isnt there), and he tried to be with me as much as possible.
I like it. It gains trust, and shows me that he is involved with our R.
So yes, it's hard. It's especially hard when I have to go somewhere, including work. (Luckily, I can work from home a lot). I find it very hard to focus while apart and do constantly check my phone and IM for contact from her. Again, I'm getting better at it, but it is a steep, uphill struggle.
Trying wicked hard - never giving up.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
He has that teenage, puppy-love look on his face when I'm near him. He constantly has to touch me. Hold my hand. Sit beside me on the couch with our legs touching. Sends me random "I love you" or "I miss you" texts throughout the workday. He hasn't acted like this since we were in college!
Mondays are very hard for us. We spend almost every waking hour together over the weekend. Then on Monday, we both have to go to work. I have been terminally late since he moved back home!
From my side, I don't usually go for more than a few minutes without thinking about being with him. And I admit that I get very clingy, especially when I trigger.
I like to think of this as a good side effect to the reconciliation process! I get to daydream about my husband during the day and then go home to him at night!
Broevil, I find we are on a path similar to the one you mention. The talks are wonderful! Way more intimacy in all areas. This has generally been a problem for me. I know I would push him away. I am working on that.
He will be home soon from golf and I know he will beam when he sees me. I miss him now too.
Who knows but maybe this initial ....clingy-ness is much needed in the process.
I've noticed my WW being more clingy than she ever has, but I think it may be for different reasons than just a bi-product of R. I think maybe it has to do with the need to fill that void that their AP left in them once the A ended. Sort of like ending a relationship with someone you really like or love (and don't necessarily want it to end, but it has to, say, because they are moving across the country or something), so you have a sense of emptiness in you that needs to be filled with love. Because of that, most people would cling to the next person that comes into their heart. I feel this way because a WS is not clingy at all (hell, they will do everything in their power to get you AWAY from them).
Another reason could be that after a WS gets out of the fog and sees what is really in front of them, they may feel move love for their BS than they ever have. If so, that could also explain the clinginess.
Let me say that clinginess is NOT a bad thing at all. In fact, it's highly desired by a lot of people who desire that level of closeness. I happen to be one of them.
But I can see how you may feel a little uncomfortable with this newly-discovered clinginess, especially if it wasn't ever there to begin with. May make you feel suspicious, etc. Totally makes sense!