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spareparts posted 4/16/2013 08:22 AM

So i've kinda been avoiding posting in NB because I haven't really felt like i've had a NB. My life essentially had gone on as normal as my XWW had still been in my life and making a scene, or so I'd thought. What I didn't notice was the smaller slow changes that had been happening and they were just things that I kinda figured I'd normally do, but last night it dawned on me that what I was doing was new to me.

If I back up a bit and try to explain I think, 2 years ago I built (Well not me personally but I paid and did a lot of the interior stuff myself) an extension on my house. We also paid for someone to redo the back garden as after the build had completed we had a mess out there. Well my XWW picked everything designed it, and I just paid. She also had a dog, and ducks which essentially meant that any flowers/plants/grass were eaten and the whole area became a muddy bog. I was never really bothered, didn't think gardening was my thing, I enjoyed going around the garden centres, but well never really bothered as the ducks would eat it.

So now I have my garden to myself, well my cats seem to enjoy finding birds and mice to bring me, but other than those its now "My Garden". I've actually taken to planting things, as you wander around I pick up a plant and think "yeah that would look nice" and then plant if and off I go. As I say I didn't think anything of this change in behaviour, it was only last night when I was wandering around the garden department of the DIY store, with a trolley full of plants to create hanging baskets on the front of my house, that I realised that I was picking the flowers that I wanted, I was designing the house/garden that I wanted to live in. I didn't ask anyone's opinion on them, it was all my choice... I've also discovered that I have been drawing what I intend to do with the former "duck area" of the garden and seem to be far to interested in how to make my lawn come back. So much so that I've gone out and bought myself a new lawnmower and some top soil to finish things off.

I'm also throwing my first solo BBQ for my birthday in May. This will be the first time I have hosted anything since the BBQ where I discovered my XWW was seeing OM (she had invited him) so have no idea how it will go. I do know however that my plants should all be coming out in bloom just around the same time so it should look really summery. Though that said as I am having a BBQ this means with 100% certainty that it will rain.

I know its not a huge turn around or massive NB as everyone else seems to have, but for me it was a major realisation that I was no longer dependant on anyone's approval before doing these things

SBB posted 4/16/2013 08:44 AM

It sounds to me like the plants aren't the only things showing new green shoots. Soon enough they won't be the only ones blooming.

I remember my first post in NB - little things like a drivers licence, learning to cook, murdering a lamp chop less than the night before.. little things. But all of these little things add up to a big thing. Healing.

Congratulations on your NB friend - you're well on you way.

woundedwidow posted 4/16/2013 08:49 AM

It's a meaningful NB for YOU, and that's what counts! You're reclaiming part of the house in a way that you like, and to your specific tastes, which is very significant growth. BTW, gardening in and of itself is considered to be very therapeutic, so all-around you've got a win-win situation. Good luck with your May BBQ - hope your new lawn is green by then!

Chrysalis123 posted 4/16/2013 10:51 AM

I think it is great that you noticed this new growth in yourself! It is fun to see yourself changing and healing. I hope your garden is stunning by the time of your BBQ!

cmego posted 4/16/2013 14:15 PM

I think that first realization where YOU get to do something without asking someone else...and you LIKE being able to do that...is a major turning point in NB's. :)

Life goes on.

CharlieFoxtrot posted 4/16/2013 17:49 PM

I think it's an awesome NB story, and I am glad you have found the realization within yourself!!

Best wishes on the BBQ, I like my burgers medium...