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my cheating.

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lamsgobahhh posted 4/16/2013 22:36 PM

I cheated plain and simple. I never thought i'd ever end up one but I did. Im not proud and certainly am trying to own up to what I did and the harm I've caused. Admittedly Im trying and have tripped multiple times but I can surly say Im trying and it has been a rough path.

I lied, lied, and only to lie again to hind the truth. She finally found out the true story for me to only lie some more, even going as far as creating fake facebook account.

The truth is out there now and sadly I still trip up in times of stress. Therapy has helped. I've multiple times want to call it and spare her the sadness and find someone who deserve her. Im numb. I dont really know what to do. The last piece of information came out and although it was not the way i would have liked come out in a weird way I do feel better knowing EVERYTHING is out.

I just wished I did a better job at getting everything out instead of ripping the band aid slowly. Im numb. she obviously has no need to ever trust me as this very last bit of info I had held onto waiting for better timing. Well there is never better timing except all at once.

BaxtersBFF posted 4/16/2013 22:43 PM

Welcome to SI!

One way to look at this is that she probably wishes you would fight for her rather than "release" her from the misery she is experiencing because of what you've done. Just a bit of a shift in perspective...

Also, you may be numb, but she is feeling every bit of it right now. She wishes she could be numb, but she won't be able to be numb.

It is sort of surreal to finally have everything out there isn't it? Sort of a relief of sorts.

lamsgobahhh posted 4/16/2013 22:51 PM

it is unreal. Feel like I can almost say anything now. even all the minor things that would freak me out or think would trigger her.

BaxtersBFF posted 4/16/2013 22:55 PM

Cool.

It's not a bad thing, but make sure you keep a filter on things until you know what level of detail your BS wants. Some want to know every little detail, others don't. Follow their lead.

WishingForLethe posted 4/16/2013 23:27 PM

This is where it is often helpful to write every detail out in a timeline while you can remember them. Later, your BS may want the details and they will be available to her.

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