SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 08:23 AM

As a condition of our divorce, ex was supposed to pay me half the costs of any home repair required to complete the sale of our home. To this end, he still owes me $800. I had my atty file a contempt complaint, and I guess he was just notified today.
He immediately texts and emails me and says
"If you are serious about taking me to court then you need to provide me with copies of both refunds you received, along with the make and model of the appliances."

What he means by this is I received a refund from my home owner's insurance because I pre-paid a year in advance on the old home in October, and moved out in Dec, so I got 10 months pro-rated refund. I also got a refund from the escrow account on the old house.

Now, he had been out of the house over a year, and in the temp orders I filed in Oct 2011, it was stated that since he refused to contribute to the mortgage or anything else for that matter, all household bills were now my responsibility. Including home owners and escrow fees.

And the appliances - well, he is referring to a 15 year old washer and dryer and a 9 year old fridge. Note here, that he made no request to have any of those items when he made his list of what he wanted from the marital estate. But now he thinks he is entitled to compensation for half.

So, my SI friends, what should I do? Is $800 worth this? In principle, 1000% yes. But money wise? Going to court will cost me probably $1000 in attorney fees. And in the end I might lose.

God damn him to hell. As soon as I got his texts I went right into sheer panic, full body shaking, barely able to type this. He fucking hurt me and my body continues to suffer the trauma. I try and try to beat it down but one word from him and I am a fucking mess. I've moved houses and towns and I still can't get away from the effects of him.

Please tell me what to do. I am in MA if that makes any difference.

OMG now is is texting me tellig me I am in contempt because I told the girls I would take them out to dinner once during the vacation week when he has them. He is fucking crazy.

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 08:25 AM

And the texts continue. According to him I need more therapy and a meds change.

fuck that fucking fuckface mother fucker.

lieshurt posted 4/17/2013 08:29 AM

He immediately texts and emails me and says
"If you are serious about taking me to court then you need to provide me with copies of both refunds you received, along with the make and model of the appliances."

I would still pursue it and request he pay your attorney's fees.

He replied with this because he knew it would upset you, make you doubt yourself and what you were doing and hopefully, cause you to back down. He knows how to push your buttons and will continue to push you and try to intimidate you. Don't let him.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 8:30 AM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

Dreamboat posted 4/17/2013 08:34 AM

ok, you need to put this into perspective. He got a letter from your L and/or the court. And he sends you a text and expects you to comply? Hell to the no!!! Do not respond to ANYTHING unless it comes from his L or the court.

He does not have a leg to stand on. You have a court order specifying that you are paying all costs (mortgage, insurance, etc) for the house and that all items in the house are your possession. As far as the appliances, they are 15 and 9 years old. They might fetch $50 each. But that does not matter because they are yours anyway.

Do not let his little temper tantrum upset you. Whenever you get a text from him, your internal response should be "whatever you idiot". Your external response should be crickets.

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 08:45 AM

I won't respond to him.

I hate feeling like this.

Holly-Isis posted 4/17/2013 09:08 AM

Keep the texts and see if you can't get some sort of harassment charge against him, especially for the personal comments.

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 09:17 AM

Is that harassment? I don't even know any more. It feels threatening to me, but my view is skewed.

ButterflyGirl posted 4/17/2013 09:43 AM

Going to court to get my money (back child support, selling marital property, money he spent on OW) versus attorney's fees is a tough one.

I always wonder, "Where the hell is the punishment for breaking the rules??"

Hugs to you. Just follow your lawyer's advice and ignore him. I wish we could say something to knock some common sense in them, but I'm really starting to believe the lectures have to come from someone else, anyone else, than us..

ajsmom posted 4/17/2013 09:54 AM

Your lawyer is already involved. Let him/her know about the text messages.

Don't respond to him at all.

AJ's MOM

FirstLoveGone posted 4/17/2013 11:09 AM

Don't respond. He received notice of the complaint so now the ball in his court (excuse the pun). There is absolutely no need to respond his texts or do anything he is demanding you do. Let the lawyers/court handle it.

He is trying to intimidate and bully you. Don't let him.

I know exactly the feeling you describe when receiving texts/emails from XH. Stay strong girl!

heartbroken_kk posted 4/17/2013 11:45 AM

I know how you feel about having your emotions hijacked. This PTSD shit sucks.

Crickets of course.

Now about you and this adrenalin rush you just got through no action on your own. First address the immediate symptoms. Breathe. Do something to reset your body. Hot shower maybe. Cold wash your face. Brisk walk around the block. Jumping jacks. Add another type of physical stimulation on top of the symptoms of adrenalin. It helps tone the whole thing down once your heart rate returns to normal.

Then, soothing self care. Hand cream. Floral tea. More breathing. And recognize you will feel drained and jangly for a few hours.

Then, steps to reduce the future impact of his reaching out to yank your chain. Turn off sound notifications. Turn off other notifications like in the menu bar. Turn your phone face down and leave it that way. If you see that he has sent messages let them stack up and read them once, at a time of your choosing. Practice saying "Whatever, gnat." And breathe.

PTSD is no joke and his text is a bomb going off. gice yourself time to recover from the shock.

(((Hugs)))

numbandnauseous posted 4/17/2013 11:57 AM

nutmeg, just wanted to send hugs, say that you have gotten great advice, and you are doing wonderfully by posting here rather than texting him. Way to go! Hope the PTSD symptoms calm down real soon for you.

((((((nutmeg))))))

gonnabe2016 posted 4/17/2013 12:04 PM

NMK, just remind yourself that he is no longer the *boss* of you. If it's not in the divorce decree or ordered by a court.....you don't have to do shit.

Being sent *dickheadtexts* sucks. It does.

Work through your trauma response. Say "He is a J!A!MF!" out loud a couple of times. Then literally shake your feet, arms, shoulder, and head. Then breathe.....and tell yourself that you'll just hand this over to your L and let him/her deal with it.

Call your L tomorrow or later this afternoon to give him/her a heads-up about what you are dealing with. Let your L call his L to tell his L to get his client under control.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your X is a nasty, nasty individual.

phillygirl posted 4/17/2013 12:44 PM

If it's not in the divorce decree or ordered by a court.....you don't have to do shit.

This ^^^^

If his text tantrum is not backed by either of things, or a factual thing about the kids, give him crickets.

And save the texts in case you need to get your lawyer and the courts involved in helping him understand how to STFU.

((hugs))

[This message edited by phillygirl at 12:46 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 13:00 PM

Thanks all. Yes, I save every single text and email.

I am going to check in with my attorney. The ex said his is on vacation.

Catwoman posted 4/17/2013 13:05 PM

He doesn't have a leg to stand on. Did the appliances sell with the house? If so, he is getting "back" any "stake" in said items with his portion of equity in the house. With regards to the rebate for homeowner's insurance, you paid it 100% and you are entitled to that refund.

That being said, give your attorney copies of the text messages, let him handle it and also request attorney fees.

Cat

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 14:49 PM

Cat, I took the appliances with me.

So, get this. I was doing my banking and I noticed the CS was not deposited last Friday. I texted him about it, and he said "no CS during school vacation weeks."

Are you fucking kidding me??? It's iron clad spelled out in the agreement!!!!
I called my attorney's office and by some miracle she was there and answered the phone. I told her about his texts earlier and also about the withheld CS. She said now there's no messing around, that he is in big trouble.
She will file an amended document documenting this witholding, and the times he has been late before.

He is crazy. CRAZY.

Williesmom posted 4/17/2013 14:52 PM

What a jagoff.

nutmegkitty posted 4/17/2013 14:53 PM

He just texted that "in addition to the things I asked for earlier, I will also need a full list of the medications you are one. You know, the one's you should not drink alchohol with."

That sounds like it came from OW.

ajsmom posted 4/17/2013 14:59 PM

I wonder if it's been her all along?